Candy bars, proper ones, not the fun size rubbish (nothing fun about half of a half of a twix) King Size thats what you want.
Inside of a kitchen roll (I just cant bring myself to eat a candy bar from the inside of a toilet roll).
Cracker snappy things - quite where you'll get them from other than dissecting an actual cracker.
Round Ended Scissors - preferably with a responsible adult attached who can actually use them.
Jokes - This is the main reason for making your own. Lets face it the ones you get in shop bought crackers are rubbish.
Try these. Make me laugh anyway.
How do you make a duck sing?
Put it in the oven til its Bill Withers.
Snowman 1 to Snowman 2 : "Can you smell carrots?"
Snowman 2 to Snowman 1 : "Yes, can you taste coal?"
In an Irish accent " ITS A CRACKER "
One for the crackers.......
How many Scotsmen does it take to change a light bulb?
Och! It's no that dark!
Gwarsh- It must be Xmas- Long time since I saw the name POKERMID!
the Pokermid. Exactly how many times did you see Zulu Dawn. Actually I dont want to know.
I am however very glad that both you and Marcel have been re-aquainted and it is no small thanks to my side splitting thread on the making of christmas chrackers. I am now requesting the thread be removed as you have turned it into a coffeeshopesque meeting point for you and your chummies, and then to start a conversation straight through the heart 9f it is akin to you prancing like a morris dancer into my humble crib and taking a dump in the middle of the living room before morris dancing right back out.
Now I know what it is like to have a brilliantly thought out thread destroyed through wanton vandalism and pompous pomposity.
Ha your anti-scottish stereotypical joke has spectacularly backfired as ... actually thats quite funny
Got you again.
aye, it was an unexpectedly good joke.
i always liked - what does a scotsman do with his old razorblades? shave with them.
By Eck--either he's been goaded into replacing that bulb or this white light means I've lost the will to live!
how many scotsmen with pd does it take to change a light bulb?
could you hold the chair steady instead of asking stupid questions. yes i know its been an hour but i'm doing my best. can you please shine the light on the fitting? i know it's getting dark...no we're not getting an electrician in..
We dont have electrickery up here yet, maks ye wunder how we invented the telly. Oor bulds are everlastin jeely jors wi yon glow in the dark insects beasties fireflies, they are kept alive on entrails of haggis.
We have porridge on draught and travel to work on hoosies wi wheels (that we also invented).
Definition: Yorkshireman - A Scotsman with the genorosity knocked out of him.
every scotsman who emigrates to england raises the average IQ of both countries.
(stolen from david lange)
UKhisimusi omuhle! Eck. Ngithanda isiZulu.
That is genius. That has made my Christmas. And I've thought of a way to save money on the sweets. Each cracker will contain a snapper, saves me shouting BANG every time someone pulls one, 2 bits of paper, one has the joke, the other has the name of the sweetie they would have got, had I not eaten it. Or I could blame Santa for stealing it the night before. That's it I'll sign it off as bad Santa. That's me right into the Christmas spirit. Thanks again.
36 DAYS TO GO. HO HO HO
I've only saved 4 juan sheet cardboard tubes.
Cannot resist it:
- why does it take 5 women with pmt to change a light bulb?
- I don't know. It just f*****g does. OK?
An absolute belter.
Last time I tried to pull a cracker she told me to get lost.