Coping


#1
Do others find it hard to cope with close family ill health. At the moment my own father has lung cancer and my father in law's heart is failing; prognosis, not long to live. I feel so hopeless, as I can't physically help and when visiting don't want to be a nuisance, though I know they will be pleased to see me and chat. We are travelling down to father in law later this morning and I've woken up now wondering how we will get on.

Worried Karen

#2
hi kes welcome to puk:smile:im ali im 42 years old and had pd dx for 11 years:smile:first of all i woould like to say im so sorry some of your family have ill health, i wish them well and all of you a healther new year.but as far as copin is consernd,i no how hard it is,me dad whom not with us no longer ,i nursed rite up till the end ,my mother and me bruv who live at same address both are ill,and progresseve illnesses to.also me self im strugglin with health issuses,and findin it really hard to manage by me self to cope.but i went to mom and kevs on xmas day to visit them ,and had a nice time with them ,even if were all ill,we mamnaged a good chat and had some laughs,and memorys of dad was brought up and it all felt nice.family are the strongest thing u can have,along with love,if u have not got them there is when u find things much harder.i struggle cus me daughter is workin all the time,ihave carers that come in 3 times a day ,and to good neigbours,but im fed up relin on other people.i wont to be loved proper,for me,be looked after and cared for,be told it will be ok,and cus i dont,i then find copin much harder,but then i think to me self there is others worse off than even me,and i wipe me tears and try and mange along bit more.some beter days than others,as it is for most of us with probs.you say ur visitin ur father in law,and about his ill health,i can relate to exactly how u must feel,and im deeply sorry ,but go there,have the smile on ur face and chat to him,he wont wont people around him sad,he will need a bit of cheerin up,im sure of it,just go and try ur very very best for him,im sure you have a wonderful kind heart,share that with him,it the best gift u can give anyone in his condition.trust me,ino.good luck ,and i wish u a good new year,take care of your self .:smile:

#3
Hi Kes, You are a kind and loving person , trying to go and see someone who is very ill when you are ill and trying to cope yourself. I think its good like Ali says to just try . I think its good also not to expect too much of yourself.

I have a different situation but there could be a similiarity. I care for my h who has parkinsons, which I love doing, but I get very very tired and that brings many aches and pains and then I find it very difficult to cope. Sometimes I need to rest but cannot because I need to keep jumping up to help him all times of the day and night. If this carries on for more than 2 or 3 days without respite I just have to give in and rest, I feel like a rat but I can do no better. So you're situation is quite a lot more difficult than that, but you are not alone so dont beat yourself up. Actually you probably ARE coping very well indeed.

lots of love from me sunray

#4
Hi Kes:grin: Hope this post finds you as well as can be expected:question:I know well how you feel in relation to loved ones, just because we have ongoing health issues doesn't mean we cease to care or feel protective towards those who we care for and whilst our own conditions may limit us we do what we can although we always feel we should do more.

My family has it's own difficulties with my other half havin MS (we now go to the same neurologist!) her dad currently undergoing treatment for cancer and brother with issues also.

I try to keep positive both for them and me we do what we can to support each other, also when I read other peoples posts I feel really understand that in so many ways I am very lucky.

My favourite quote at present is 'we are defined by the people who love us and those we choose to love' It sort of sums up my attitude to my life and sometimes I accept with love can come pain for those we care for. I can't tell you not to be worried but love your special people with all your heart and do what you can and no one can ask more than that:exclamation:

I wish you and yours all the best and hope the coming year brings you love support and hope, I'm sure you will find many friends here.:grin:

#5
Thankyou all for your kind thoughts. I found a very poorly looking Dad in law, but surrounded by loving family who welcomed our visit with open arms.A sad time bringing the family together. lots of happy memories uniting us. I'm glad we went now, however difficult.

It's good to find so many understanding friends here.

K

#6
Aren't we all lovely people lol.. No seriously reading all your comments is great . It does help to know that we are not alone and so very many people in the boat

Sunray we seem to be paddling along in much the same way and I daresay some days you wish you could change your name lol .. You start a job peeling the potato's and you have to stop when you go back you forgot what you were doing in the first place and start something else and so on . Of course that is day and night

You do it with a good loving heart but it is tiring .

I hope you try and give yourself some YOU time . Even for a short time it does help recharge your battery . Having always done most things together for 54 years I have found it difficult not having my husband with me for instance going to the bar he always did it , I often find myself walking away without my drink . I have made a few new friends which has helped . I manage to go out for a few hours once a week and sometimes I suddenly think gosh! I haven't thought about him and then I feel guilty . Sill I know but there you go ..

#7
:grin: Hi Kes I am really pleased that your visit went well, I wish you and yours all the best for the new year and as much joy as you may find :grin:

#8
:grin:Hi Kes, I think you are coping very well, when you are ill yourself
it is very hard to take on the problems of others, you are obviously a very caring person, dont be so hard on yourself you are doing brilliantly.

There is always someone here to talk to when you need to unload.

Love maggie