Hello Chris_H
You are quite right it is not at all easy to stay upbeat and positive when it feels like your world has come crashing down, nothing feels normal and you can’t see a way that it ever will be again. However you shouldn’t be so hard on yourself. You are barely two weeks post diagnosis and you’ve already done things that others can take months or sometimes much longer to do and you need to recognise that. Notably you said that you have started telling a few people. That is a massive deal given how you are feeling and it’s not easy to do. You said you were embarrassed and that this was probably because you see it as a sign of weakness. On the contrary I see it as a strength. You may still be all over the place in how you feel but already you are recognising that Parky is here to stay and in all probability it is not news you can keep to yourself - and you are right, you can’t. You may think you are keeping all your symptoms well hidden but you will be leaking non-verbal cues - which are nigh on impossible to stop - and I wouldn’t be at all surprised if some amongst those you know haven’t wondered if everything is ok even if they haven’t said anything. If people know there’s no inaccurate guessing and it gives you the opportunity to take the lead on how you want to manage your Parkinsons. Not something you can necessarily do now but it can be there if you choose to take it. For me, for example, I didn’t want Parkinson’s to dominate my life, it is part of me but is not me. As I have said countless times here on the forum I never give Parkinson’s star billing. I am first and foremost Tot, and I happen to have Parkinson’s and people I know follow my lead and that’s how it is. People with Parkinson’s have to choose for themselves when, if and what they tell people there’s no right or wrong way but you have taken the plunge early and you need to understand just what that means as part of the process of adjustment.,
The second thing you have done is sought help in the form on anti depressants. This is a brave move to make but entirely sensible. You recognised that you couldn’t get your head straight on your own. A course of antidepressants can enable you to think more clearly, be able to see the wood for the trees and with a bit of time you will come to see things are settling down.
The third thing you have done is in recognising your unintended pun when you wrote ‘shake yourself out of it’ you have shown your sense of humour hasn’t entirely deserted you - and that can get you through a whole host of things. Many of us are very creative in black humour in particular - not always appreciated by the non-Parkinson’s crowd it must be said but it is usually based on truth.
So you see, if you can turn things around and see them a little differently, you are doing pretty well for someone with such a short membership in this club no-one would choose to be in.
Best wishes
Tot
Thanks Tot for your wise words.
I don’t think I’m doing very well. Yes, I told a couple of people close to me, but the rest of my friends I just can’t say the words.
I can’t stop thinking about it and on the of occasion when I think of something else, reality soon floods back with an actual hot rush.
I really can’t imagine ever getting used to this. I know people say you do, but at the moment, I can’t see it.
I’m even nervous about going to bed because I sleep for 2 or 3 hours before the night terrors arrive.
So, as I said, I don’t think I’m handling it well. Basically, I’m scared!
It is ok to be scared you know, it’s a scary thing when faced with the unknown future Parkinson’s brings. What i said is tŕnue even if you don’t believe it. So what if you’ve only told 2 people and now can’t say the words. It’s 2 more than last week and is a start. Little victories mean a lot in this game. You’ve only had your diagnosis a nano second in Parkinson’s terms, i’m rapidly heading to my 14th anniversary of diagnosis and I’m doing ok as are a lot of others on the forum but it doesn’t come together in a few days. Hang on in there. You can and will get through this stage and reach calmer waters.
Tot
Thanks Tot, I hope you’re right.
I much appreciate the time you take with your posts.
Hi Chris_H
How are you getting on?
Tot
Hi Tot,
A little better thanks. Still fairly depressed but not as much. I think it’ll be a long while until I fully accept it.
That’s good to hear even if it is only a baby step at the moment.
Maybe it will be a long time until you fully accept it, maybe you never will fully accept it - some people don’t - but whatever happens you have started to find your way of living with Parkinson’s and in time ‘normal’ life will kick in and your Parkinson’s will fit into it whatever your way turns out to be. Onwards and upwards as they say
Tot
Thanks Tot. Today has been a good day. They’re few and far between at the moment.
But they are still there that’s the important thing. I’m glad you had a good day. Another baby step but they all add up
Tot
Hello Chris_H, it’s been nearly two months since your first post, are you managing any better?
Tot
Hi Tot,
Yes, I’m doing a lot better now. Mainly because I am on antidepressants, but they stop me worrying so much.
With their help I’ve realised that I’m physically fit, and I should make the most of these days.
I’m back out walking the dog with my friends every day now my dog has almost recovered from surgery (he’s nearly 13 bless him).
I’m running 30 minutes a day as well in two 15 minute sessions.
The horrible black cloud has more or less lifted and I do see positivity again.
So, as you said it would, it has got better.
Chris
That’s great to hear. I am really pleased you are feeling more positive. There will be good and not so good days but with the right mindset you will be able to manage them - and well done for getting some antidepressants sorted it restores the chemical imbalance and gives you a fighting chance of getting your life back. Long may it be so.
Tot
Thanks Tot. It’s amazing what a few chemicals can achieve!