A Border Collie walked into a pub , I think I will have a half of Lager
Mr Barman, and a packet of nuts.
BBbut your a dog, "very good, nothing wrong with your eyesight"
But you can talk "hearing OK too, can I HAVE MY HALF.
Stunned the barman gave him his half.
This goes on for a week and eventually the barman asked the canine wonder
"Do you live local " No I work on the Building Site over the road"
The next day the manager of the visiting Circus is sitting supping his pint
and in comes our Collie " The usual Barman , but Ill pass on the nuts"
The Circus guy nearly chokes on his bitter ,"Well I have seen everything now
"I doubt it" as he wags his tail " look I can give you a job with my Circus
you can start today"
"Why would a Circus need a Plasterer"
Clever Dogs Collies fedexlike
YORKSHIRE PUDDEN Written by Weston and Lee. Performed by Stanley Holloway.
Hi waitress, excuse me a minute, now listen,
I'm not finding fault, but here, Miss,
The 'taters look gradely... the beef is a'reet,
But what kind of pudden is this?
Yorkshire pudden!, now coom, coom, coom, coom,
It's what? Yorkshire pudden d'ye say!
It's pudden, I'll grant you... it's some sort of pudden,
But not Yorkshire pudden... nay nay!
The real Yorkshire pudden's a dream in batter,
To make one's an art, not a trade,
Now listen to me, for I'm going to tell thee,
How t' first Yorkshire pudden wor made.
A young angel on furlough from heaven,
Came flying above Ilkley Moor,
And this angel, poor thing, got cramp in her wing,
And coom down at owd woman's door.
The owd woman smiled and said, 'Ee, it's an angel,
Well I am surprised to see thee,
I've not seen an angel before... but thou 'rt welcome,
I'll make thee a nice cup o' tea.'
The angel said, 'Ee, thank you kindly, I will',
Well, she had two or three cups of tea,
Three or four Sally Lunns, and a couple of buns...
Angels eat very lightly you see.
The owd woman looking at clock said, 'By Gum!
He's due home from mill is my Dan,
You get on wi' ye tea, but you must excuse me,
I must make pudden now for t' owd man.
Then the angel jumped up and said, 'Gimme the bowl...
Flour and watter and eggs, salt an' all,
And I'll show thee how we make puddens in Heaven,
For Peter and Thomas and Paul'.
So t' owd woman gave her the things, and the angel,
Just pushed back her wings and said. 'Hush'
Then she tenderly tickled the mixture wi' t' spoon,
Like an artist would paint with his brush.
Aye, she mixed up that pudden with Heavenly magic,
She played with her spoon on that dough,
Just like Paderewski would play the piano.
Or Kreisler now deceased would twiddle his bow.
And then it wor done and she put it in t' oven
She said t' owd woman, 'Goodbye',
Then she flew away leaving the first Yorkshire pudden,
That ever was made... and that's why...
It melts in the mouth, like the snow in the sunshine,
As light as a maiden's first kiss,
As soft as the fluff on the breast of a dove...
Not elephant's leather, like this.
It's real Yorkshire pudden that makes Yorkshire lassies,
So buxum and broad in the hips,
It's real Yorkshire pudden that makes Yorkshire cricketers,
Win County championships.
It's real Yorkshire pudden that gives me my dreams,
Of a real Paradise up above,
Where at the last trump, I'll queue up for a lump,
Of the real Yorkshire pudden I love.
And there on a cloud... far away from the crowd,
In a real Paradise, not a dud 'un,
I'll do nowt for ever... and ever and ever,
But gollup up real Yorkshire pudden.
Hello blue angel , your poem vanished out the bottom of my TAPOLP.
There were two monkeys having a bath, suddenly one of them began screeeeching
and making, "whoo whooo whooo " sounds the way monkeys do,!
"Well put some cold water in then " said his pal,
My mate called to see me with his 2yr old jack russel, he had been training the
little dog and I enquired of his progress.
"Oh he is doing well,and a brilliant blacksmith" A Blacksmith, I was amazed
AY E IF you kick him up the a!!e he makes a bolt for the door"
Blue Angel I wish you a trouble free New Year and may good health
and good fortune always smile upon you, and all our friends on PD
Hi Fedexlike, I am sorry the poem dropped out of the bottom of your TAPOLP? Actually,I didn't write the poem , but it is a favourite of mine. It was written by a couple of well known writers (well known in Yorkshire ) and was recorded by Stanley Holloway). Naturally, being a Yorkshire lass I think it's hilarious. But, I do enjoy writing, I write a lot and I like writing poetry in the Yorkshire dialect too, don't you think words re just wonderful !!!!