ONE FOR THE LADIES :
EVE'S SIDE OF THE STORY
After three weeks in the Garden of Eden,God came to visit Eve. 'So, how is everything going?' inquired God.
'It is all so beautiful, God,' she replied. 'The sunrises and sunsets are breathtaking, the smells, the sights, everything is wonderful, but I have just one problem..
It's these breasts you have given me. The middle one pushes the other two out and I am constantly knocking them with my arms, catching them on branches and snagging them on bushes. They're a real pain..'
And Eve went on to tell God that since many other parts of her body came in pairs, such as her limbs, eyes, ears, etc. She felt that having only two breasts might leave her body more 'symmetrically balanced'.
'That's a fair point,' replied God, 'But it was my first shot at this, you know. I gave the animals six breasts, so I figured that you needed only half of those, but I see that you are right. I will fix it up right away.'
And God reached down, removed the middle breast and tossed it into the bushes
Three weeks passed and God once again visited Eve in the Garden of Eden.
' Well, Eve, how is my favourite creation?'
'Just fantastic,' she replied, 'But for one oversight. You see, all the animals are paired off.. The ewe has a ram and the cow has her bull. All the animals have a mate except me. I feel so alone.'
God thought for a moment and said, 'You know, Eve, you are right. How could I have overlooked this? You do need a mate and I will immediately create a man from a part of you.. Let's see...where did I put that useless T..t ?'
Now ladies, doesn't THAT make more sense than all that stuff about the rib
Hi Mike, I take it you are referring to yourself, then???? Love BA x
Mike I really doubt that you are useless! love Ba x
True cautionary tale :
Came in from shopping today, the boss opened the front door and said God what's that smell?
Now she hasn't called me God for ages but I answered anyway, only to be told to shut up whilst she sought out where the smell was coming from - shut up! Was she smelling thru her ears???
Anyway, she found the source in about 2 minutes flat, the mother in law is staying with us, and decided to give the hob a clean whilst we were out, and she had accidentally turned one of the burners on ,without a light to it.
Could have been really nasty, and doesn't bear thinking about, cause the gas boiler was on, and is next to the hob, but M in L had opened the back door a few times to let the dog out, and we have an oversize air vent in the kitchen, which the wife has suddenly stopped complaining about!
I'm getting a gas 'monitor ' in the morning, it's got to be worth the money.
My mate tells me that the late great Terry Thomas was a PD sufferer and used to find that ballet dancing helped him, and he used to dance thru doorways?
Now I have been called Rudolph before, but 'cause of my nose i think rather than my Pas de Deux?
It 's fascinating the way the brain plays tricks and reacts to certain situations - I can't do a Nureyev because of the balance problem, but I can get through a doorway without stopping, in the dark. I can't now walk more than a couple of feet without a stick for balance support, but I can walk down a clear concrete runway without hesitation and without a stick, until I get near the end, or someone/something comes into close proximity and it 'all falls apart'. If I march rather than walk, I can get from one end of the gymnasium to the other no problem, but marching up the High St. to Tesco's is a sure road to divorce!
Another fascinating thing is that as soon as I sit in the driving seat of the car, all symptoms disappear ( this is well documented ) until I switch off and open the door when it all kicks in again.
Use of an exercise bike builds strength and general fitness, which in turn increase brain activity, so 'exercise has been proven to help, and substantially', but unfortunately it can't help with balance or 'freezing' - knowing how to break a fall ,from my Judo days , certainly helps though.
Anyone else thinking that ballet ( or just dancing ) might help????
ONE FOR THE MEN
Beer contains female hormones! Yes, that's right, FEMALE hormones!
Last month, Sydney University and scientists released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer.
Men should take a concerned look at their beer consumption.
The theory is that beer contains female hormones(hops contain Phytoestrogens) and that by drinking enough beer, men turn into women.
To test the theory, 100 men each drank 8 schooners of beer within a one (1) hour period..
It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects, yes, 100% of all these men:-
1) Argued over nothing.
2) Refused to apologise when obviously wrong.
3) Gained weight.
4) Talked excessively without making sense.
5) Became overly emotional
6) Couldn't drive.
7) Failed to think rationally, and
8) Had to sit down while urinating.
No further testing was considered necessary!!l
Very entertaining, Mike! We need to send this data to Canada, where the male population is so proud of leading the world in beer consumption per capita.
On the dancing question, I think a lot of PWP have discovered Tai Chi. To me, it seems like slow motion dance, and I find it helps with balance and relaxing rigid muscles.
Though I don't respond often, I do enjoy your posts. Keep writing!
Thanks for that, I'll keep going for a while yet I think.
T C seems to be popular in West Berkshire and I think that we are getting a class organised shortly , so. I'll give it a go.
A Blonde Moment !
A blonde gets home from work early & hears
strange noises coming from the bedroom.
She rushes upstairs only to find her husband
naked lying on the bed, sweating and panting.
'What's up?' she asks.
'I think I'm having a heart attack,' - cries the husband..
The blonde rushes downstairs to grab the phone,
but just as she's dialing, her four-year-old son
comes up and says,
"Mummy, Mummy! Aunty Glenda is hiding in the
wardrobe & she has no clothes on!"
The blonde slams the phone down and storms back
upstairs into the bedroom right past her husband..
She rips open the wardrobe door and sure enough,
there is her sister, totally naked and cowering on the floor.
'You rotten devil, she screams.
'My husband's having a heart attack, and you're running
around naked, playing hide and seek with the kids!'
It's not a political statement In any way, it's just some verse about the passing of an old lady, prompted by some inappropriate responses to a mother and grandmother 's unfortunate demise.
It's not meant as anything but a poem, but I have posted it here, just in case?
So Lady T has now gone home
No longer having to wander all alone
Gone to meet her Dennis at last
Proud no doubt of her political past
She rose from being a grocer's child
To being the first female PM strong not mild
Love her or hate her there is no doubt
She showed the world we still had clout
The miners of course will always disagree
But a heroine to some she'll always be
The country they say became a much better place
When she was PM although there is a case
That some will always advocate and push
About her treatment of some groups, but hush
Now's not the time, Tell old Scargill to go back to sleep
There are plenty with good memories to keep
This Iron Lady was not for turning
And there's many a voter today who's yearning
For leadership & guidance just like hers
Instead of the mediocrity we've had for years
Yes, like her or loathe her as some will always do
There is no doubt some say, don't know about you
That she was one of very few who'll be
Known the world over and be a huge part of our history
No no no she used to say
That European Union has has it's day
Well there are those who say she wasn't far wrong in her prediction
Unless if course they have an addiction
To all things European even that Contest for Song
Where the scoring really does leave one hell of a pong
Or monetary union and rip off Cyprus banks
Not for me she said ,in the real world, "I'd rather take my chance "
Yes like her or loathe her there is no doubt
That there were many changes she brought about
And debates will rage about her impact and some say infamy
But not at this time please let's all just show some dignity
Thanks, Mike, for another good laugh!
We never know how our posts affect others. Sitting at my mother's bedside in a nursing home in California, I really appreciated your joke.
Happy to be of service,
Where in Caiifornia, may I ask?
I have been to California many times and have family living in the San Fernando and Simi Valleys.
My uncle , who lived in Van Nuys, was one of the first people to be given Madopar ( I think ) when he was diagnosed with PD many years ago now.
Hi, Mike --
We are farther north in California -- in San Jose. I lived in the S.F. Bay Area for 52 years, including my entire career and first years of retirement. Now a resident of Oregon, I am down here to spend time with my mother, who had a debilitating stroke last month. Happy times . . .
Thanks for your interest.
Hi Everyone, Well I always used to dance when I was younger,a lot younger! but people don't seem to want to do my sort of dancing these days. I have never
been to lessons to learn to dance....you see Mike I come from A part of the country where learning to dance with a proper teacher cost money and us poor northerners 'aren't' made from money !. Well that's what me mam used to tell me. But I prefered to dance in the 60's when my skirts were less than 12 inches long. However, I diverse,Some days I get by from going from fall to fall. Like I am getting far too much dyskensisa these days and spend an awful lot of time laying on the floor, which helps. Sorry, I diverse again, my point is, if it helps then, do it.
Love B A x
THE WEDDING TEST
I was a very happy man.
My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year.
so we decided to get married.
There was only one little thing bothering me.
It was her beautiful younger sister, Samantha
My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight mini
skirt and generally was Bra-less.
She would regularly bend down when she was near me.
I always got more than a nice view.
It had to be deliberate.
she never did it around anyone else.
One day she called me and asked me to come over.
'To check my Sister's wedding- invitations' she said.
She was alone when I arrived.
she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me.
she couldn't overcome them anymore.
She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married.
She said "Before you commit your life to my sister".
Well, I was in total shock, and I couldn't say a word.
She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom" she said.
"if you want one last wild fling, just come up and have me".
I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs.
I stood there for a moment.
Then turned and made a bee-line straight to the front door.
I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.
Lord And behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!
With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me.
He said 'Mike we are very happy that you have passed our little test.
We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter.
Welcome to the family my son..'
And the moral of this story is:
Always keep your condoms in your car.
Hi Mike, Sorry, but It's me again! I think I am going from bad to worse.Since we came home from holiday, in Yorkshire, last week, I have fallen in the lounge and am now sporting a lovely, multicoloured, black eye and bruised cheek bone. and after another fall I have a pulled muscle in a very delicate place! (But we won't go into that.) Yesterday we realised, probably due to age, we have lost a part of the stuff that goes on then shed roof(is it felting?????) but because he is working my husband can't repair it until the weekend....and guess what...It is chucking it down here!And that is all my good news for now! Love BA x
Sorry Mike, it's me again. Well, I am not sure that I believe your story.if you are such a good boy, then why carry condoms in your car? I very much doubt if anything like that would happen in my neck of the woods.......love BA X
Hi there BA,
Sorry to hear that your 'in the wars', perhaps a little more water with your scotch eh ????
That was a bit insensitive of me, mentioning 'water' , it no joke having water coming in, we've been there- not nice.
If you kept certain items in your car , perhaps you could have used them to stop the leak??.