Feeling the blues

Hello out there.
I’m 53 next month and was diagnosed roughly 2.5 years ago. I thought I’d pretty much accepted my diagnosis, but recently it feels like a shadow following me.
I’ve been luckier than most throughout the pandemic; I have a nice house, a garden, my husband has kept his job and we haven’t lost anybody close to us. I’m still in the early stages and my symptoms are relatively mild; no tremor, slight lack of coordination and mild stiffening of muscles and joints. I have some speech problems and sometimes struggle to swallow, I also have trouble taking a deep breath on occasions. I’m able to carry on as normal and exercise 5 times a week; power walking and 30 minutes following a ‘Bounce’ video on a trampette. But every time I have to make myself exercise it is a vivid reminder that I have to do this for my quality of life because I have Parkinson’s and that this is me, for the rest of my life; there is no respite. I have a slow deterioration of my health ahead of me and there’s nothing anyone can do about it. I hate it and it makes me angry and sad. I struggle to motivate myself to do anything, I manage but I resent everything. I know I’m depressed but I’m already on a mood stabiliser so don’t think that any further anti-depressants are the way forward.
I know I have the strength to get through this - I just can’t find it right now.
Sorry for the indulgence. I know I’m not alone and I have a loving family and a supportive husband but when I talk to him, he just wants to fix things and i just wanted to be heard.
Thank you for listening.

Hello Bexby, hope you feel better for having posted to the forum. It’s not an indulgence at all, you wrote honestly about how you feel and whatever those feelings are they are legitimate. You don’t have to read many of my posts before concluding and rightly so, that for me staying positive is the strongest tool at my disposal in managing my Parkinson’s. That is not to say however that it is easy, and I have my moments too but by and large optimism works for me. My main technique or method to maintain the optimism is to concentrate on today, here and now and apart from putting certain things in place so as not to be a burden on the family, don’t spend much time worrying about my unknown future. You might want to look into something called mindfulness if you don’t know about it. Its about living in the moment and its effectiveness is backed by research.
It may help. Typing isn’t very good today so will stop there for now. I hope this helps a little.
Tot

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Hi @Bexby, :wave:

I agree with @Tot, you are not being indulgent at all and I’m sure many members can relate to how you’re feeling right now. The important thing to remember is that you are not alone and there is a lot of help available to you on the forum.

With the right treatment and support, many people who experience depression can get better.

The first step is to talk to your GP, specialist or Parkinson’s nurse to make sure your Parkinson’s drugs are working well. Treatment will depend on how severe your symptoms are and what’s helped in the past. Treatments should be introduced step by step, starting with the simplest self-help measures.

There is some limited evidence to suggest that some dopamine agonists – for example, bromocriptine or pramipexole (Mirapexin) – may improve a person’s mood as well as any mobility problems. But there can be side effects, so this treatment might not be an option for everyone.

We have a great team on advisers via our helpline desk that would love to support you further on this. Please give us a call on 0808 800 0303.

Please take care. :blue_heart:

Best wishes,
Reah

1 Like

Hi @Bexby just wanted to say I read your message and sympathise. I’m in a similar boat being 51 and with mild but slowly progressing symptoms. My outlook on exercise is different though, I found things I really enjoy (cycling, running) so, as long as I can get outside the door, I really enjoy it. And exercise is great for everyone, PD diagnosis or not. Bouncing sounds like fun though. :blush: Take care

I too was diagnosed at 53. I’m 62 now and like you I’ve had a slow progression. When I was diagnosed I was a workaholic running a pub working 7 days aweek. I had no time for exercise or me. My wife convinced me to sell up before it became to much and I managed to retire early at 60 the first year was great. Symptoms managed well we had lots to do including buying and setting up our forever home. The came lock down. We had to shield for my wife’s issues. I became very self focused and for the first time in my life suffered from depression. My wife is tremendously supportive we’ve been together 42 years. I’ve tried doing Facebook exercises but can’t motivate myself. My wife can’t walk far because of her issues. We have 3 granddaughters under 4 who are angels and demons. If it wasn’t for them I think I would have given up ages ago. I’ve tried exercise at home but it doesn’t work for me. After a bad dose of the blues last night I’m up at 4.30 like many Parkies. Later today I’ve decided to join my local gym. It’s time to bring back the positive I had my 2nd jab this weekend and life is good. I’m also seeing 2 of my granddaughters this morning. So I guess my message is sod Parkinsons. I’m getting on with my life. I just hope I can keep it up.

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Good for you Grabcsma, love your attitude.
Tot

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