From carer to care home


#1
Hallo everyone. I'm jackmin - a 90 year old Geordie.
My wife has was very ill with a Gall Bladder infection during
December. She is much better now but has very little mobility as the illness seems to have greatly worsened her Parkinsons - unable to feed herself or hold a cup.
Sadly, although I was her 24/7 care for the past 2 years, we felt it best all round for her to move into a nursing home.
While she is being very well cared for, her one desire is to be back in our bungalow.
As she sees it, the only problem is her need to be turned over in bed regularly during the night - and can't care be arranged to provide this.
I find it heartbreaking and wonder if anyone else has had the same sad task of trying to explain why I just can't bring her home.

#2
Hello there, I am so sorry to hear about your wife she has been through the mill, it is so sad that this has had to happen. You would not be able to turn her through the night, so I suppose they think its best she stays where that help is at hand. It is a very very hard job turning someone in bed. When my mother-in-law needed bed turning there was 2 of us to do it at home, and we really could of done with more help with the lifting. Your wife is having this done for her by professionals that know how to deal with these situations. They will make sure she is comfortable, and as she recovers, perhaps then she can come home. If this service is available at home the people to tell you would be your local social services, but there are so many cut backs this may not be at the top of their list of priorities. Then you can pay private for a night nurse but that would be expensive to say the least. Rest assured that your wife is safe and being well taken care of, and look forward to her returning home, god bless and good luck x

#3
A 90 year old Geordie!

You must remember the last time Toon won the cup!

This actually happened with my great uncle when my aunt became too much for him to look after. He felt he had let her down. He could hardly cope himself so it was for the best really.

If youre still fit enough to look after your wife at 90 and able to surf the net as well, then you should be allowed to look after her as you see fit!

#4
Hello Jackmin

My husband, who is 76, had to go into a nursing home when I couldn't cope with him. It was only when he had gone to the home that I realised what caring for him had meant and how it had affected me and our relationship. You can only hope that with time your wife will come to see that you are more relaxed and less tired and that when you visit her the time you have together is enjoyable because you are not stressed with the day to day care. This is certainly whatI have found to be the case.

Best wishes
Worrals

#5
Thanks to hollytree29, Leyther and worrals for your thoughts and comments.
Nice to have found the Forum and have others who care
Regards
jackmin

#6
hallo again from jackmin.
reading about the various medication you all use, i wonder if anyone takes the same package as my wife;-
cobeneldopa 12.5/50 on waking
cobeneldopa 25/100 4 times daily
half sinemet CR25/100 bedtime

she is in a good nursing home but, because of being partially-sighted plus parkinsons, is bored and frustrated.
I am concerned that she may become depressed and visit for 4 hours every day - which at my age is hard going,
We both want her home again but I will need much more h
elp than social services are able to provide,
has anyone experience of employing extra care - especially during night
regards,

#7
I don't know about home care provision, I'm sure others do though.

I would suggest to anyone with a family member in a care home that they ensure that the correct drug regime is followed and pills are administered on time, at the right time and the correct dosage eg entacapone users take it with their sinemet. Timings must take into account meal times and care staff must be made aware of this.

Also care staff need to be aware of possible behavioural problems due to PD drugs that can be confused with dementia.

If you are unable to check this yourself find a person you can trust to talk to the care home staff. The PUK may be able to help with this.

Geriatric care is often overlooked and I think it may warrant a seperate section on this forum!

Jackim, I take my hat off to you sir! You must have kept yourself fit, to be so able and mentally alert at 90 is a credit to you.

#8
Hi jack min. I have experience of live in care for my Mum a few years ago. She
was living alone so it was a godsend to the family. It was very expensive but, being a private care agency, they were able to tailor the care to what we needed rather than social services care which tends to be one size fits all.
I would suggest you look around and get some quotes.

All the very best to you

Samdog

#9
Thanks Leyther and samdog. I know that the regular sinemet doses are given promptly but am concerned about the early morning wake-up and the slow release one at night.
Will take this up with matron when i visit tomorrow.
I visit 6 afternoons - am having my 'day off' today to recharge the old batteries - but our daughter will be there.
Find it hard going to think of things to talk about.
My dear wife wants to come home but i can see many problems unless we can have loads of help - which is unlikely - how do I tell her that i want her with me but am scared of not being able to cope in any difficult situation?
it really is tough after being married alomost 66 years

#10
Hope you are coping jack in . It sounds like you have been coping on your own for a very long time . .

My husband went into hospital recently to have a knee op , The staff said they couldn't get over how O managed to cope looking after him . Called me SUPERWOMAN lol.. I told them We had been looking after each other for 56 years and I don't want to stop . I am 76 But I take my hat off to you as we'll .

I was interested in the post about private care . I think If and when I need more help I would prefer to go down that road to feel things would still be in my own hands .