From the age of 14 to 21 I lived in the town of Kendal. We were on the outskirts up the Sedbergh Road.
I had a girlfriend who lived on the opposite side of town.
From my house to hers was about 2 miles. The easiest way to get to her house, was to walk down Sedbergh Road, through a park called Gooseholme, cross the river by a small footbridge, walk along New Road, go up by the Town Hall and then up Beastbanks to where she lived.
It was New Year and I was taking my girlfriend to a dance at the Town Hall. On the way to call for her I noticed they had dug a hole on the right hand side of the footbridge over the river, which was surrounded by warning lamps. It was almost full of water. I skirted round it and crossed the bridge to the left of the hole.
The liquid refreshment during the evening was consumed with great delight in copious amounts. At 1am when the dance finished I walked my girlfriend home, then turned round to walk back to my house again.
It had rained heavily during the night, but it had now faired up. We had been in and out of the dance to local town pubs with friends, dodging heavy showers.
I got to the bridge and crossed. The hole was obscured by a puddle that had spread across the entire exit of the bridge. Some clown had removed the lamps and thrown them into the river. Knowing the hole was on the left now, I stuck well to the right where the water was just covering the tarmac and entered the park.
I was quite drunk and had still got about a mile to go. I decided to sit on a park bench near the bridge for a rest before attempting the long hill up Sedbergh Road.
Being drunk I fell asleep. I was woken by the Town Hall clock striking 3am. I was frozen.
Just as I got up to go I noticed a figure staggering across the bridge, he was obviously three sheets to the wind. I shouted out to him.......WATCH YOUR STEP.......but before I could finish he shouted back.....F**K OFF.
This was too good to miss I thought, if he doesn't know about the hole, so I shut up and watched him cross.
With the path veering to the left through the park Mr F**k Off stuck to the left instead of the right. He obviously didn't know it was there.
The hole must have been deeper than I thought. He was 'lost to us' for a while before surfacing and gasping. I ran over to help him out fearing he might drown if shock set in.
I dragged him out whilst trying to stifle hysterical laugher. He didn't make a lot of sense he was still gasping and repeating 'what the f**k happened'? Somehow his drink fuddled mind thought he had fallen in the river.
Just one of those things you would think twice about letting happen now we are older and wiser, but it was funny at the time.