A limerick is a short poem of 5 liines,normally funny.
A limerick is a funny poem , normally with five lines.
The Characters featured in these limericks are all ficticious and any resemblance to any known person id totally unintentional.
There Once Was A Farmer From Hull,
He Was Running Away From A Bull,
He Tripped On a Slab,
Bumped Into Hid Dad,
Who sad, Nay, What's Tha' Doin', Our Lad?
Gods Plan Made A Hopeful Beginning,
But, Man Spoilt His Chances By Sinning,
We Trust That The Story.
Will End In Great Glory,
But At Present The Other Side's Winning.
There was a young lady named Claire
Who possessed a magnificent pair;
Or that's what I thought
'Til I saw one get caught
On a thorn, and begin to lose air.
Sorry if it offends.
There was a young maid from Madras
Who had a magnificent ass;
Not rounded and pink,
As you probably think -
It was grey, had long ears, and ate grass.
While browsing museums in France,
I gave their exhibits a glance.
Take my advice
those paintings are nice,
But the statues are needing some pants.
The limerick's callous and crude,
Its morals distressingly lewd;
It's not worth the reading
By persons of breeding -
It's designed for us vulgar and rude.
The limerick packs laughs anatomical
Into space that is quite economical.
But the good ones I've seen
So seldom are clean -
And the clean ones so seldom are comical.
very good mike
There Was A Young Lady Of Niger,
Who Smiled As She Rode On A Tiger,
They Returned From The Ride,
With The Lady Inside,
And The Smile On The Face Of The Tiger.
Contributed By Mr. BA!
A Fly,And A Flea, In A Flue,
Were Imprisoned, So What Could They Do?
Said The Fly To The Flea,
And, The Flea To The Fly,
Let Us Fly Through The Flaw In The Flue.
Another contribution by Mr.BA.
There Was A Young Lady From Leeds,
Who Swallowed A Packet Of Seeds,
Now This Sorry Young Lass,
Is Quite Covered In Grass,
But, Has All The Tomatoes She Needs!
There Once Was a Girl In The Choir,
Whose Voice Rose Up, Higher And Higher.
Til' It Reached Such A Height,
It Went Clear Out Of Sight.
And It Was Found The Next Day On The Spire.
A Funny Young Fellah Named Perkins,
Was Terribly Fond Of Small Gherkins.
One Day After Tea,
He Ate Ninety Three,
And Pickled His Internal Workings!
A Native Of Chalamazug,
Once Fell Overboard From A Tug.
He Cried Ding-Dong Boller
Do Jango Zong Zoller,
Which Means, Glug-Glug- Glug- Glug-Glug- Glug.
There was a young girl from Caerphilly
Who was known to all as just plain 'Milly'
Her boyfriend was known as big 'Willy'
Now Willy liked Milly and Milly liked Willy
So much it was driving her silly
There is a young Bogman from Bray
Who works at HQ for one day
With his roguish smile & broad Irish lilt
And being ever so very well built
the ladies give in to his wicked old way
There is a Tyke girlie known as BA
Who usually has plenty to say
She started this thread
With No thought in her head
Of the things that others might say
OK there's also an old guy called Mike
Who perhaps ought to get on his bike
' Cause he won't just sit on the fence
And probably caused some offence
By calling that BA a tyke
Sorry, been a long day.
IT's OK ,Mike cos in Yorkshire a Yorkshire Tyke is someone who was born and bred in Yorkshire. LoVe BA x
Some more from a now quite tired guy :
Hindsights a wonderful thing they all say
And to be in denial day after day
Of Parkies can be a trial so take heed
'cause there is absolutely no blinking need
Keeping it secret from others is too high a price to pay
After twenty four weeks at Sandhurst
A Welsh boy was ready to burst
Hooray Henry's were so jealous of the young lad
That things were beginning to get bad
for beating those Ruperts to come first
To be quite serious my old Parkies friends
I really don't want to start new trends
Of praising people not extracting the Mick
And therefore i'll try to not miss a trick
And keep taking the P and not bend
Today I went to a meeting
And was pleasantly met with the greeting
Hi Mike old son
You've clearly had one extra bun
So put down that Danish and stop eating
There was an old man from Dumfries
Who looked after a swarm of bees
He wanted some money
Demanded more honey
The bees drove him off to get peace.
The bees chased a man from Dumfries
Who thought he was the bees knees
We've knees of our own
They buzzed with a groan
He fell as he felt his knees crease.
Some bees and a man from Dumfries
Were enjoying the summery breeze
The man eating honey
In garden so sunny
While the bees just started to freeze.
The bees in Dumfries were so quiet
They could not move should they try it
Was it Parky they had
That would be bad
No more honey for the old man's diet.
There was an old lady from Skeggy
Who would only swim on her belly
Her backside was so big
They thought it a swimming pig
That night made top news on the telly
There was a young lady from Leeds
Who earned her keep on her knees
She had shares in suspenders
Wore people's who 'd lend her
Ended up a rich lady indeed
There Was A Young Lady Called 'Prim.'
To Shy To Look At A HIm,
But, Him Looked At Her,
And Her Looked At Him,
And Now THey Are Having Two Twin!