You are not alone. I travel the same path that you do - and no doubt at all, there is a huge crowd of us battling on, unaware of each other. That is why I often wish that this forum was more spontaneous - so you could talk to people and get an almost immediate response. It used to happen, somewhere, where you could have almost a live conversation because I met lots of helpful people through it. Especially on long sleepless nights.
I try to be happy and optimistic, but don't always manage to stay that way. Left to my own thoughts, I can scare myself to death with unanswered questions and thinking about the future. That is where writing poetry comes in handy. Write it all down. I'm usually much more relaxed when I've done that.
I sometimes feel that I have been dealt a rotten card but there it is - play it - because there's not going to be a better one just yet!
Is there an explanation for your name - farhills? It is a very intriguing name. You may be surprised to know that it makes me think of one of my favourite lines from Hamlet.
'but lo, the dawn in russet mantle clad, walks o'er the dew of yon high eastward hill'!