Banjo-boy:V1
Fighting back with PD : don’t let them grind you down!
Hi, I’ve had Parkinson’s Disease for around 8 years and rising… I still find plenty of humour in everyday life and moments to cherish. I will not let PD take this away from me! In this spirit I offer the irreverent views below.
I hope you share my sense of humour,- feel free to add your own. If you are having a bad day I’m truly sorry and if you are ‘not amused ‘ please note this is a form of catharsis for me. I hope we can raise a titter , or even a laugh - after all it’s better than crying and it’s free on the NHS. Good luck.
Kitchen dangers:
“Hands up! “ (once a teacher…) While you have it all in hand so to speak ,do examine them for the marks and scars of a true veteran of the kitchen for which no Michelin stars are awarded.
What’s my problem? Well, those tins and jars and irresponsible packages that are meant to keep food safe and fresh -but have a habit of rebounding on us causing injury.
Perhaps the H&S rep was on furlough that week, or s/he may have been injured during a particularly nasty wrestle with a tin of tuna leaving a pool of fish and oil all over the worktop. Messy,!
In my top ten is ‘The Lethal ring pull can- peaches extreme. ‘
So you have a peach can to hand and it’s your turn to open it, what do you do? First you try to attack a slither of the ring -using finger nails cloth,a knife or whatever-against somewhat puffy digits and PD sapping your strength ?
Well done first step but don’t be complacent -lay flat -the can not you-and slowly pull around the circumference of the can: this could be fatal at any time so go slow!
When in the groove , almost round , a decision to be made-do you bend over the lid and spoon out the delicious contents, or for risk takers continue until the metal snaps and you are possibly thrown backwards avoiding serious injury and some spillage on the work top.
Proudly, buoyed by this success. “I’ve sorted out the peaches, love …what next? “…given you are steadily approaching bed time by now, this offer may be declined!!
A question: what kinda idiot was paid to put users of these cans in harm’s way and why has no one thought to change it? ,after all the bods at 57 have cracked it for a long while,? What’s wrong with the old tin opener anyway?
Apart from cans my next aggravating favourite is VACUUM wrapped meat or fish ! Yes I can almost hear a collective sigh of agreement and relief that we can share experiences with old Jim Bowie and his skills with his knife.
You task : to extricate,succulent meat from the wrapper, ‘simples’ -“you may think again. Try as you might using a combination of knife , scissors fork and spoon it’s like getting into Fort Knox .!!
Like a military campaign you attack from all sides,cutting deep or shallow, Taking your weapons in order cutting a piece at a time at
last, we think it’s all over. The contents make a “sploggy sound and there is an oozing of product, …then it stops! The knife becomes wedged -a draw so far! In a moment of frustration the knife becomes possessed by the spirit ofNorman Bates and he starts to stab the inanimate plastic lump,making it unappetising by the minute. Yuck!
Perhaps the worst culprit is the fish. No self respecting mackerel having spent its life evading the sharks and predators -and the french! -one will have one last throw of the dice, as it deflects the blade towards the nether regions ‘ouch’ (near miss)and sends a stark warning - if you don’t want to sing soprano- slow down call it a draw and serve it a out, gently… Besides, at the of the day you’ll eat him!l Game over.
Bedtime Antics
No it’s not what you think -don’t even go there! Maybe a treat for the future
. Are you sitting or better lying on the bed? I’m assuming you will have met with some issues getting on and off - if not you are blessed.
Have beds gained height, are mattresses moving on the slats, are covers shiny and slippery-you get my drift?
Well done if following the spirit of Captain Scott you reached the summit without incident. If not don’t despair , I have a solution.
Stand by the top of of the bed facing the pillows,top coverings peeled back, are you ready? (I warn you this approach is based on Newton,s Law of Motion, centrifugal force and all that. ) Ready?
Think yourself twisting ,add the swinging arms anti-clock wise ,visualise that lovely sleep that awaits you -and swing and jump at the same time aiming to pull over the peeled back sheets and lock in your body.
I realise this may not suit everyone. Do contact your GP and be prepared for a visit to A&E if all goes wrong!
Over-rotation is quite common. The battle with the ‘Swerving Dervishes’ and corporal Jones comes to mind -keep it under control. “Don’t Panic” Obviously ,practice makes perfect and there are number of spinoffs (sorry) you can try depending on your shape and size. Incorrect style may result in an equal and opposite reaction. Use your imagination! Try explaining this to the attending paramedic .
Good luck!
Thanks for reading, l hope that something rings a bell and raises at least a titter. Everything I write is from personal experience and I hope you will give us some poetic licence. Keep strong , keep moving, keep fighting.-and keep your sense of humour!!
Banjo boy:V1
Sent from my iPad