Hi,
Thank you for the very kind offer and the update. Your dog sounds like she (or he) is going to be good company.
My one positive move in the midst of my doom mongering has been to see a counsellor; this has helped me to keep myself in check and stop dumping on friends. I can bring people down when I spiral into a tizz so I have to be careful and be mindful of others’ emotional well being, but as I’m on the topic of trying to retire from work, I’ll have one last rant ( it’s for my own sanity so I’m not expecting people to read it :-S).
You are so right.
The forms are a killer. I can’t do my job because I can’t fill in forms and I can’t write more than a few words with any degree of useful speed. When I can write, the result looks like the uncontrolled writing of a small child. I’m struggling to do anything in time at work and I can’t keep on top of things and then the first thing I was asked to do (once I’d managed to get people to listen to me about the difficulties I’m having at work) was to complete a whole load of forms that can’t be used with dictation software. And the forms had stupid little boxes all over them that I have no hope of writing legibly within.
Then, in order to leave work with enough money to live on, there is the challenge of trying to remember to do everything I’ve been asked to do in the time frame that has been set and then there are completely unforeseen hurdles such as working out how to chase up reports from people that I can’t contact.
I stress about my ability to do the things I’m being asked to do and I stress about being late to complete tasks and forgetting to do things - I’ve only really got this far because I have work colleagues and friends who point me in the right direction and get things filled in for me (I do know I’m lucky to have them).
The irony is, of course, that in spending the early hours keeping on top of things and enlisting friends’ help to get things done and stressing myself out to try and do everything that I’ve been asked to do, it is noted on reports that I have managed to complete tasks and arrive to appointments on time - and I honestly think this counts against me :-S
I really want to exit work with my dignity intact but I don’t think the system works like that. I just want to be able to explain the challenges that Parkinson’s at work is presenting me with in a way that people understand, and I don’t know how to get this across. Parkinson’s doesn’t mean that I can’t go out or ride a bike or socialise when and how I can and I’m not going to say that it does in order to be able to tick a box on a badly designed form 
.
Socialising doesn’t require me to do things that I can no longer do in the way that my current job does; things such as: typing, writing, keeping on top of paperwork, delivering training sessions, sitting still in front of a computer for hours on end, concentrating on reading tricky documents, speaking coherently to order and staying awake when I need to. However in spite of this, whether or not I manage to go out socially was a question raised at my workplace occupational health appointment.
I’m not even saying that I can’t do any job. I’d like to think that I will be able to do something useful for some of the time for a while yet but I can’t do my job, and my particular pension scheme has scope for acknowledging this.
I know that it’s not personal and I know that the system is just what it is, but it’s dehumanising and unfair.
I’ll stop there.
Thanks again and take care.
JxJx
