In light of a much beloved forum user who was cast into the wilderness for a week for failure to adhere to complicated t's & c's I think we should make up a list of ten commandments we can all understand
Here's a starter for 5
1. Thou Shalt Not Kill
2. Thou Shalt Not Covet Ray's 10,000+ postings and compare them to thines derisory contribution.
3. Thou Shalt Not Mention Unmentionables, as made up as we go along by the lords our mods.
4. Honour thine mother and father even though they passed these genes on, they knew not what they were doing.
5. Thou shalt have no idols other than richard briers or a graven image thou can mock up thine self to the MOD.
This is harder than it looks. Moses had 40 days and 40 nights, or was that NOAH, OK he might have had a hammer and chisel ...
6. Thou Shalt not rip it
7 Thou shalt not believe thine own self to be superior to all others
8 Thou shalt make thy writings clear for fear of being misconstrued
9 Thou shalt not listen to radio 2
10 Tho shaft not come onto this forum and expect folk to be friendly
wrote with tongue in cheek
A few alternatives?
6 Thou shalt not kill thy neighbour’s thread.
8 Thou shalt not steal thy neighbour’s thunder.
10 Thou shalt not covet the Last Word at all times – for the Word is Ezinda.
Thou must live in fear of the Great EZINDA, as her wrath is great indeed!
By Eck please bottle what it is youve got,
Your posts I toast. with a smile and a laugh post away as much as you can,
because by Eck Im now a fan.
Your a cure for sure,
A smiles the medicine your posts procure,
Rays of sunshine ,do light and blight,but ecks a sunbeam,
with laughter I scream,
by eck by gum, to the forum come,
this person makes posting much more fun.
Witty and wise in your own dear way,
by Eck and cornflakes are a great start to my day
The name is Eck theres no disguise,his mind his own,
no place in his head for dog and bone
cornflakes and eck to star the day,
till indigestion comes my way
That Lorna is getting precariously close to my 10,000 posts..
and Ezinda sayeth unto the prophet Eckziah 'go forth and multiply', or words to that effect. and the people rose as one and said, 'go forth yourself. Eckziah is our prophet and will lead us into the promised land where forum content is correctly indexed, like other sites such as the philistines (old boy band fans)'
Sorry people, this is a no - go area. I have been asked to stop making postings that lampoon despots and religion. It upsets the religious and fans of despots alike.
There have been complaints and to those who I have offended I apologise.
I'll lighten the now sombre mood with a joke ...
How do you know that a hermaphrodite extra terrestrial is an extra terrestrial? Cos he/she looks like one.
Shame. I was enjoying these shall & shall nots.
When told in verse that my faith was a joke & bound to dissappoint, I could not be bothered to complain. I ignored
calm thinking now - instead of saying "I am not allowed to" we say "I have been relieved from the responsibilty"
Have I got the hang of it angel?
1.Thou must view freedom of speech from a distance,as that,s as close as you will get.
2.Thou must understand that unintentional intentions of those who attempt attention are attended to by those who attentively intend to give full attention to those who intentionally tend to attempt intentional invention.
3.Parkinsons is a word which is more like a label,if the clothes fit bare/bear it.
4.Thou art a pawn in a game of Forum chess,pieces with Parkinsons in an ultimate no win stalemate.
5.Thou must keep thine mouth shut whilst opening it.
6.Think before posting,as thoughts voiced are never the same once the ink has dried.
7.Thou must ensure that actions speak louder than words with words that speak louder than actions.
8.Thou must realise that scrutiny is forever your companion,Big brother is watching you.
9.Thou must not deviate from the wrong thread,or pawns elevated to knights and Bishops shall chastise and preach above their station.
10.Thou should remember that happiness is just a coin toss away from sadness.Kind words can be laced with poison.You have not got Parkinsons,parkinsons has got you.That is the **** honest truth of it.Amen.
I think the mods might remove the list of things >9 but <11 with "Thou" at the beginning as this has religious connotations with hints of satanic undertones when played backwards.
Someone will get upset and your hard typed work will b removed, you mark my words.
By the way this shouldn't be understood to be me prophesying just suggesting, under my own volition, without any divine intervention - that I know of, that the aforementioned act may come to pass, given that I have been privy to information as to the likelyhood of the fate that these types of posts will suffer.
Phew to many commandments for me.
11 Don't try to always have the last word.
I thought there was only 10
Rules aren't written in stone.
Rules are like gas mantles.........easily broken