A present absence

When I approach or talk to someone I sometimes feel I have to reach over my stammer, depression and Parkinson’s to engage with them; as if I hold in front of me a life size cardboard cut out of me but featuring only my disabilities. This feeling of detachment and disengagement can intensify as I hit a particularly bad stammering block, waves of depressive negativity wash over me or the physical symptoms of Parkinson’s become markedly overt. It then feels like my body with its disabilities is encountering the person but my mind and my sense of ownership is shoved into the corner and held there. I am present and absent at the same time.

dr jonny


Hi dr.Jonny,

There's an i phone app which helps stammering. This link is about man with PD who discovered it in time to make the father of the bride s[eech. It works exactly like other gizmos used by speech specialists but does not cost anything like as much

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-bristol-13687085 "Speech therapist Mike Richards came across the iPhone software when searching for delayed auditory feedback (DAF) devices "

Hope this helps

Thats a very compelling way to write how you feel. The only things I can say are those things that have helped me. Have you come across Mindfulness? The book I have is by Mark Williams and Danny Penman. I have also started doing Tai Chi again and also going to a meditation group in a buddhist centre near me. I find doing these things very good for relaxing and this helps my physical being. I have also changed my diet to being dairy and gluten free as well as trying to eat more organic food. For me doing these things helps. I do hope you feel more positive.

Thank you Eileen and Valerie, I am grateful for your help!