Advice For My Dad living alone


#1

Hi,
I am 24 and in full time employment. My Dad is 60. He was diagnosed at 38.
2 years ago he and my mum divorced he now lives alone. He still works part time as he owns his own company. He has many friends.

Over the past 3 years his health has deteriorated rapidly. He struggles on and doesn’t accept much help but I know he has difficulty doing day to day tasks: Walking, making food, shopping, cleaning etc.

This is a difficult situation for me as I do not have anyone else to help me help him? I know he should probably have someone checking on him every day and helping him out but I have a full time job so this cannot be me. I also have to sometimes travel with work, and whilst he can contact his friends in an emergency I think there needs to be a more stable option.

-Should I contact a care agency about this, and if so where can I get information?

Secondly, understandably he is becoming quite depressed, my fear is he does not see value in life anymore and may take actions into his own hands, this feels like a huge responsibility and weight on my shoulders as I fear he needs me to keep him happy and I cannot commit 100% of my time to him.

-How do people deal with this kind of feeling and help them see that their is still happiness to be had! Or is their anyone you could advise me talking to about this feeling for advice.

Any support would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks


#2

Hi Emma and welcome to the forum,

I’m really sorry that you are having a hard time trying to combine a full-time job with keeping an eye on your father. Many other forum members have been through a similar predicament and I’m sure they will share their experiences when they read your post. However, in the meantime I wanted to suggest that you ring our helpline to chat about your father’s options at present and in the future.

You can call us on 0808 800 0303 (lines open Monday-Friday: 9am-7pm and Saturday: 10am-2pm) for practical information and advice. Our trained advisers will be able to run through the sources of help available to your father and even give you emotional support if you need it.

Best wishes,
Mara - Moderation Team


#3

Hi EmmaGray,
First of all, what a wonderful daughter you are and secondly, what a stressful position you’re in.
I would definitely ring the helpline first off. Would your Dad accept the help in the guise of a cleaner/carer /cook once a week? Make sure hes eating properly.
Exercise is good for the mood. Maybe check if there’s an exercise class in the area. Walking groups are social and beneficial Obviously depending on his mobility. But i find you tend to withdraw from life so interaction with new people is very important.
I wish you all the best.


#4

Hi,

Consider contacting adult social care, (with your dads permission) or encourage him to get an up to date assessment. They should visit your dad at home and have a chat about what he may need to make life a little easier.

Its always difficult with a parent who lives on their own , its stressful and can bring on negative emotions like guilt, resent etc. Being a loving daughter does not mean that you stop being able to live and enjoy your own life.

Social Care /social services will have advice about carers if required, support groups , coping at home…

Stay being a loving daughter, decide how much time you are able to give your dad and stick to that. Resentment in any relationship is harmful, not good for you or your dad.

Keep a healthy relationship, I am sure all your dad needs a little help and support to get him back on track. Professionals are in my opinion best for the job.

Take Care and hope things improve soon. X


#6

I thought your post rather insensitive, as nobody knows the full circumstances that anyone else finds themselves in, but the OP described theirs in detail!! That is my red alert to such posts.

BUT, you still joined this forum to just advertise your company… very evident on clicking on your user name, exactly the same. dawghoused.XXX

Hope you can live with yourself trolling such a forum where people look for support and real advice. Crawl back into your hole.