Advice please


#1
Hello. Since October of last year I noticed my husbands left arm jumping/twitching involuntarily which it had never done before. I spoke to him and suggested a dr appointment (after he burned the jumpy arm slightly on the grill) but he got upset and asked me not to mention it again. Since then it has not got any worse but it is still happening as much - my husband tries to hold the left arm still with his right or pretends to reach for something when it jumps - presumably to stop me bringing it up again. I typed the symptom into Google and it loaded Parkinsons articles which now has me worried - especially since I know my husband wants to ignore it. Another change in him started happening around the same time which is sweating during the night and his skin feels hotter than usual when I cuddle up. He has had a few moments the past year of confusion and memory loss but it's been very fleeting. Apart from all the above he is fit and active - mentally healthy and happy. He is 50 years old. Am I over worrying? Thank you for reading Rose x

#2
Hi Rose, Parkinsons is hard to diagnose but it sounds like your husband does need to see the doctor to start with. There are a few posts on here regarding other partners who's husbands are finding it hard to come to terms with changes in their health. In my experience, I know I was scared of the symptoms at first but finding out I had Parkinsons was a kind of a relief. Hiding it causes stress which makes symptoms worse. You're husband is young and has many years ahead to enjoy life with you. You will have to be forceful to get him to see someone for his sake and yours. Hope it goes well.

#3

Hello Rose,

I noticed a tremor in my husband's right arm in July 2014. It took me until April 2015 to actually get him to see a Dr and to get a diagnosis. He still buries his head in the sand even now, as DivineR says it appears to be a man thing, which doesn't help anyone in the long run.

You aren't alone. Keep trying to persuade him.

Good luck


#4
Thank you for the replies. Msl does your husband have parkinsons? X We went through a family trauma in October just when my husbands symptoms started so I've been trying to tell myself it's down to that and it'll stop- but really I know it's something serious and won't get better. It's his worst fear to lose his job or driving licence due to illness. He fears being what he calls useless (that's also a man thing isn't it) he could never be useless in my eyes but I understand where he's coming from x

#5

Yes he does and he has also been showing signs of dementia, although that hasn't as yet been confirmed. Like your husband he feared losing his driving licence but he was granted a 3 year medical one - and now the stupid thing is it's an effort to get him to drive anywhere. Locally he will do occasionally but not any distance. When I point out he made enough fuss about the possibility of losing it I just get told 'Well at least I know I can if I want to'!


#6
I think it's such a male pride thing. We all like to be in control to an extent don't we - I suppose it's better to decide oneself not to drive than to be told you can't. I'm sorry to hear about your husbands diagnosis x I got the courage to talk to hubs earlier - he again asked me not to "bring up his ailments" and said he doesn't even know what I'm talking about. He said it's just the first signs of old age and I'm being paranoid, irrational and nieve. Charming! He must be aware of at least the involuntary arm movement because he tries so hard to hide it (holding the arm down, keeping his left hand in his trouser pocket) he now drives with mainly the right arm whereas he used to use both. I'm not going to bring it up again in a hurry because he's gone quiet all day and I know I've upset him. To be honest I think he's imagining losing his job/car/independence but if he actually goes to the Dr's - even if its PD he'll find its not as bad as he's imagining. So very frustrating x

#7

Hi my hubby was diagnosed after I started to notice a resting tremor in his right hand a couple of years ago when he was 43, we found this terrifying and were naturally very anxious that he would lose his driving licence ( he drove for a living) and his job, 2 years later he still works and his employer has been very understanding, making adjustments that have enabled him to remain in work. The thought of Parkinsons was terrifying but to be honest we were somewhat relieved to get the diagnosis so that we could move on and my hubby has once more begun to enjoy life, to some degree we feel that it has made us evaluate and appreciate what we have. Life isn't over with a diagnosis and you do learn to live with it.

klou


#8
Klou Thank you for sharing. The thought of PD is very terrifying and I'm sure my husband is in the beginning stages. I think he is imagining it to be so much worse than it really is judging from what I've read on here. What is a resting tremor? My Hubs arm jumps about every 5-10 minutes and it looks and feels different - almost like it's foreign to his body if that makes sense? X

#9

Try and keep your chin up. I get comments like that and much, much worse all the time. That's why it helps no end to come on here and talk to people who can understand the situation.

A resting tremor is something that occurs, in the case of my husband, when he isn't using that arm or he is relaxed. His arm will literally bounce up and down as though he is constantly tapping his hand on something. I try and discourage him from hiding his hand in his trouser pocket when this happens, not the most appropriate of looks! Instead I found him a stress ball which helps.

Have you noticed whether or not your husband still swings his arms when he walks? Only mine has lost the ability to move them and while I know this isn't the same for everyone it appears to happen quite often.

Do you both have the same Dr? We do and he will listen to my concerns, even though it will need a visit eventually.


#10

Hi to all of you who have posted on this subject of men who will not accept that something is wrong with their health. My father is typical of the men you are describing, which is a very selfish attitude for them to take. My father has never admitted to anybody that he has PD and when I developed the symptoms and spoke to him about it he said I was being a drama queen. As you can imagine this led to a huge argument between the two of us and I pointed out to him that if he wanted to bury his head in the sand and ignore his symptoms that was up to him, but he had no right expecting me to do the same thing. I love my father very much and it upset me terribly to have to tell him to his face what I thought about his attitude toward illness. He is now 92 years old and still alive, his symptoms began when he was 70 years old and he is now in the advanced stages of stage 5. My symptoms are progressing faster than his did, but I am taking medication and seeing a specialist every four months. There is nothing macho in ignoring health problems and the sooner men wise up to this fact the better! My advice is that you have to be cruel to be kind sometimes, as I had to be with my father. It will hurt you more than it will hurt them but if you really care about them it is the only course of action left open .

 

 


#11

Hi I have been interested to read of people (mostly men it seems) who don’t want to consider their particular problems as being due to Parkinsons. I think this is a bit short-sighted as until there is a diagnosis there can be no treatment. We know there is no cure for PD but different treatments can be very beneficial, and the sooner they are started the better.

I was diagnosed in January this year with moderate PD, and told that I had probably had it for 5 to 7 years. I remember talking to my GP about the tremor in my hand some years ago, only to have it dismissed, as there were no tests for PD. If it had been investigated earlier, then treatment could have started sooner. Please encourage these reluctant patients to consult their GPs Delay is definitely not beneficial to anyone.


#12

Hi Khine,

I have just read an article that you commented on 7 months ago on Advice Please. Having been subjected by my father to the very attitude to which you are talking about. I am sorry to say that I have neither sympathy nor empathy for men who take this attitude toward their health problems. The people who I feel sympathy toward are the spouses and carers who eventually have to take care of these selfish individuals.
Prof.


#13

Hi there
You are so right. The partners and carers bear the brunt of these selfish people who won’t admit to having problems. They have no idea how difficult they make it for the people they supposedly love.
Patience certainly is a virtue, very much needed in caszesde like these.

Good luck with your father. It’s a pity he (they) don’t rad these posts, then they bwould know what effect they are having.

Knine
Audrey