Ain't it a life?

My life is a juxtaposition and a contradiction. At one moment I'm accepting of my situation and the next I'm embroiled in frustration. I refuse to inhabit the role of a Parkinson's sufferer and then lose myself in the disease. I never take things for granted but I mourn the passing of the time when I did. My expectations and my future struggle to come to terms with what’s happening to me now; everyday tasks take up more of my capacity, leaving undone love and happiness and acquainting me with fear and onlyness.

My initial blissful ignorance slowly gave way to understanding the Parkinson's role that was thrust upon me at diagnosis. Awareness can be a curse. I’ve tried to climb the learning curve, slipped many times but managed to keep on going. It is an uneven journey, which best reflects the nature of the disease; Parkinson's is constantly changing and I'm always trying to catch up.

In mundane everyday life, there is dignity in the struggle with undignified Parkinson's; bravery in being honest about my disease; courage in taking another step; real achievement in learning to live alongside Parkinson’s disease. But to what purpose? To help others with my example? Maybe struggle has no meaning except learning to struggle in a better way.

Is this a life? It is my life.

dr jonny
Hi Dr Jonny
I like the way you write and it asks as many questions as it answere's, this sounds very much like my Dads "life" he has only been diagnosed in the last month but has know he has had this for a while now, one day he can be really up but others very low, I try to maintain a "normal" situation and chat to him in the same way I always did and about the same stuff we don't have too many conversations about pd or the future with it but part of that is denying what may lie ahead, I feel for you but wont pretend that I can understand, I guess all the usual stuff has been said about keeping your spirits up and being positive but it cant be easy, I hope that there are good people around you and that on some days you have a good old belly laugh about something, take care .
every life is a struggle, just we know our problems more than others. the person next to you might have cancer or ms or whatever.
over time we assimilate parkinsons. thats not the same as accepting or giving in, its more that parkinsons becomes familiar rather than strange. it is a familiar enemy to be resisted rather than overpowering alien enemy.
struggle is the meaning of life - every animal, plant, bacteria struggles to continue, and to create new life which struggles in turn.
if life was easy, we would all be single cell organisms, its the cruel struggle and the selection of the survivors that have resulted in wonderful creatures like me. and you lot too, i suppose.