Am i the only one?


#1

Hi my husband was diagnosed​ at 49 he's now 51, weve been married​ 18 years, this Tuesday my world fell in when i found out he had been cheating on me and today he left to live​ with this woman he has known 6 months . I've lost the man i married since his meds were upped his personality changed and he became fixated on sex. Im no prude in anyway but i withdrew from him because​ he made me feel awkward and even embarrassed with his blase attitude of leaving sex toys and lube lying around the bedroom for the kids to see and our kids​ are young our daughter is only 6. I am devastated​ and still love him but i know that things would never be the same again and yes the grass does seem greener for him and yes lots of sex yipee for him but in 6 months time maybe the shine will have wore off and she wont want so much sex . Has this ever happened to anyone else when madopar was increased​. I guess im just trying to find reason as before parkinsns we were happy. Many thanks for reading


#2
Hi Starlight21.... My heart goes out to you as none of us really know what PD is capable of...my husband is 60 and diagnosed last year...when I look back he probably had it for several years before but as is common,was misdiagnosed by GP. He is in total denial of anything related to PD..we have been married 41 years and always plodded along happily,or so I thought.We have adult Sons and Grandsons. The last 2 years my husband changed from being a happy go lucky person to short tempered and moody.. I found out only this week that he has been having an affair for a long time...is PD the root cause of this or is it just him? He says he feels old and useless since his diagnoisis and thats why hes done what hes done? But the affair has been going on longer than that?...My heart is broken at this point and I dont know what to do.....so I send my love to you and your children as they are still babies.Please keep posting and let us know how you are. I have no answers for you but can only send you a massive hug. I hate PD and all its bringing....

#3

Thank you for sharing with me and I totally understand how you feel. He came back this morning asking for a second chance for the children's sake because he felt he couldn't leave them. He promised to see the specialist to ask if his meds can be changed so I suppose he is blaming it on the meds which I think is partially true but I can't just excuse what he's done. I've accepted him back this once because our children are so young and i can only hope that this will scare him enough to seek some help and that we can get some closeness back and eventually some trust but I know there's only a slim chance. We are also in a bad financial position as when he first started on pramipexole his compulsion was buying football cards and stationery! Lots of it to rival whsmiths! I hate parkinsons with a passion for it affects us all, my husband too has become moody and short tempered when I've asked him about his now obsession with sex he says it makes him feel normal so maybe thats what contributes to affairs the need to feel normal not that that can be excused but before this vicious disease had him he was mine and he was trustworthy and he was funny and caring and when I spoke to him he listened and looked at me and not through me with a blank expression. I hope things get better for us both and will be thinking of you as we are both going through it together xx


#4

So sorry to hear what you are both going through.

Requip made my OH very sexually demanding, coupled with being sexually incapable. I finished up just blocking that aspect of our lives off completely as I felt as though I was under siege. He is not likely to have an affair as he is too physically incapacitated and does not drive. Sad situation - bloody Parkinsons.

 


#5

Dear Starlight.  You are really not alone.  

I feel your post should be on the compulsive/impulsive behaviour thread. If you read some of the previous posts on there you will see that the medications are  to blame.  Big time. Although to be honest, because of the awareness of the side effects of Parkinson's medication , it is much less common now for people to slip through the net.  Your husband's consultant should be aware of this.

I am many years down the line from where you are now and it hasn't been an easy journey but please don't do as I did and just put up with it - talk to the Neurologists and your doctor and get help.

I am not great at posting on public sites but if you want to privately email me I would be happy to talk to you.

Look after yourself as it is very stressful trying to look after children, home etc while living with someone who has become a stranger and is unpredictable.  These medications have a lot to answer for.

Best wishes.

 

 

 

 


#6

Hi all

My Dad was on Ropinerole and Madopar and also had an affair - he has been with her for two years now. She became his obsession that he could not do without! His Consultant categorically said it was NOT the meds, but a PD nurse that I called said it WAS the meds.

I have no relationship with my Dad at all now, haven't seen him since April. He is a completely different person now - he's a liar with no feeling to anyone other than his own needs

My post is in the Obsessive compulsive section if you wish to read it in more depth

I feel what you are going through - my Mum took Dad back 7 times and each time he begged for forgiveness and still lied to her and continued to see this "woman".

I hope your husband sticks to his word, mine was incapable


#7

I know this is an old post of mine but anyone finding themselves in the position I was in last year or those who commented giving me comfort and advice this is my end game!
I took him back I tried my hardest to make him happy to keep our family together I knew things weren’t as good as they used to be but I wanted my kids to have a dad. However much sex we had it never was enough it was not enjoyable for me because he could last a couple of hours which he bragged about and thought it was funny but it wasnt. He continued with watching porn at every available minute. I chose to ignore this. He became more and more detached from the kids my 10 year old son said a while a go he’s getting better mum he smiles at me sometimes! In August this year I had my first hip replaced he took me kept an eye on the kids then fetched me on the 3rd day then he went back to work he didn’t even have the week off with me. Obviously I wasn’t upto sex and he started becoming suspicious so I asked him to tell me the truth he denied it my 16 year old son said to me he’s upto something mum but I needed proof. I have had a devastating few months my ops gone well but having trouble with my foot now and can’t walk without crutches my dog got soft palate cancer so I’ve recently had him put to sleep and my dad has terminal cancer and I’m his sole carer and some days he doesn’t know me and is aggressive. My husband hasn’t shown an ounce of empathy he hasn’t asked about my dad didn’t bat an eyelid when I cried over putting my dog to sleep or how upset I’ve been at losing my dad if I’ve complained about pain he’s suddenly launched into how he is. Last week a friend gave me my husbands online dating profile apparently he now 42 instead of 52 he’s the sort of man to put you first and always be there for you, he’s separated and he likes sex but most importantly he misses kisses and cuddles! What a load of rubbish! I’m not writing this for sympathy I no longer feel responsible for him and a weight has been lifted. I’ve told him I don’t hate him or wish harm but this is now totally over. I don’t love him he’s killed that and as soon as the priority of my dad has passed he will be gone. So anyone going through similar with their husband or wife I tried I tried my very best I’m sure some are successful but be prepared and vigilant because I know there’s lots that aren’t successful. He’s not the man I married would he of still ended up like this if he hadn’t got Parkinson’s? I can’t say for sure but Id like to believe he wouldn’t of but I do know that me and my kids deserve better. Anyone going through something like this if you ever want to talk/vent please get in touch I’m still not totally through it until I get him somewhere else to live and out of our house but I do feel stronger and I’m not putting up with anymore crap anymore! I deserve a life don’t get me wrong if he hadn’t become the man he has I would of looked after him through thick and thin I would never have bailed on him we would of gone through it together right from his diagnosis I told him that that we could get through it he’s the one that’s bailed on me and more importantly his beautiful children.


#8

Hi there,
All sounds like too much for any one person to bear…I feel slightly overwhelmed just reading your post, so goodness knows how you are coping with so much. Do you have support from anywhere? You mention a friend…There are no easy answers, that is the trouble, though lots of cliches that can be spouted.
Have you tried mindfulness? Having some internal calm can help one not get swept away by external events and reactions to them , but is hard to achieve and can sound like impossible counsel of perfection given shitty reality. It is a huge gamble to rely on external events and people to make us feel okay, though most of us do that and expect things to be ok…until they are not. . It works for some ( believing that the world/ life is basically okay) but for many it doesn’t because life throws all kinds of spanners in the works, whether other people, disease, misfortune, natural disasters etc etc .Our internal state of mind is perhaps the only thing we can really have any control over, but it takes a lot of practice .
How are you doing these days?
Kind regards,
Pippa


#9

Hi Pippa thanks for your reply! I am actually trying meditation I don’t find it easy as my head feels full of everything but I have glimpses of what I feel is success and I hope that with time it gets better and more successful. I have had some really bad days but I started emailing the Samaritans and that’s a help the dr gave me a referral letter for counselling but although I can write my feelings down I struggle to talk about them so I’ve found the Samaritans and keeping a daily journal helpful.