Hi, I've had PD since my early 20's and I'm now 37 and I wanted to get your thoughts on something.
I've always maintained that I don't care what other people think of how I walk, talk and move but do I? I ask this because I absolutely cannot under any circumstances watch a video off how I am now. I'm very dyskinetic, my face makes odd expressions. The upshot is seeing me on video (and now my speech is affected too, hearing myself speak) fills me with a mixture of anger and shame. If I'm honest, I have nothing but hate for the person I see in the video and that makes me sad, as I can't even watch my wedding video and grooms speech (the proudest moment of my life). Also, I haven't made any new friends outside the PD community in 8 or 9 years as I'm so reluctant to get out there, talk to people and be me as my speech is so bad when I'm under pressure. I have zero confidence in expressing myself, and when I do, I come across as trying too much and people see me as 'weird' for want of a better word.
MIchael J Fox always said you have to 'abandon your vanity' when you get PD, and to some extent I thought I had, but maybe not? So have I truly accepted the condition? I'm confused!