Breaking the ice


#1
Instead of being a glorious whirlwind of passionate kisses and mind blowing orgasms, when living with a chronic illness such as Parkinson's, sex unfortunately can be considered as yet another physical activity... we have to worry about!

My toes and legs stiffen from the uncontrollable muscle spasms; and forget about spontaneity, I can be exhausted one minute and achy the next. But in all seriousness, sex is just another example of the challenges many of us face as we struggle to live with a chronic condition. All of those romantic notions of being swept off your feet, or in the case of men, carrying her into the moonlight, become ludicrous.

We have real life obstacles to deal with, in maintaining our physical care and our emotional stability- like fatigue, achiness, impotency, shame, guilt and self-consciousness. And we must not forget, there is the side effects of our medications?!... Weight gain or loss, hair loss, low sex drive and also increased sex drive. Increased sex drive can cause problems just as much, if not more, in a relationship especially if ones behaviour becomes extremely compulsive - in which case could have devastating affects on a relationship. Just as important, there are our partners that we also have to consider. They may not have the same physical and emotional struggles, and it can cause a serious riff in relationships if the topic of sex is not handled with care.

I've found that communication is so important. Being open and honest with your partner and sharing with him or her your concerns and fears really does help, so does listening openly to their concerns. Chronic illness makes spontaneity very difficult and can create a looming fear of not being able to perform on the spot.

Another way to circumvent "bad timing" is to prepare ourselves by taking warm baths with or take a few over-the-counter pain pills to try and help with aches and pains. Perhaps throw a light massage in the mix with some aromatherapy oils and romantic candles! Get your partner to help with the housework or with the kids so you don't feel so fatigued. Planning ahead may not make up for spontaneity, but it does add to anticipation!

Accepting how your body looks and feels is not only essential to maintaining a healthy identity, it will also reduce the anxiety of having an intimate encounter. You may, like me, have a few more lumps and bumps, and extra weight which may not be acceptable for you, but we have to realize that not accepting yourself is communicated during intimate relationships. If you are uncomfortable with you, it makes it equally hard for your partner to be comfortable. I suppose you just have to accept that you're doing the best you can with what you have, so give yourself a break!

I've found it helps to try and time sex when your medication is working at its best. Trying new sexual positions helps and is good fun too.

For people like us, who live with a chronic illness, we may need to activate a bit more patience and a whole lot of creativity when it comes to our “bedroom business”, but the well known saying is -where there is a will, there is a way!

Cutiepie

I was going to sign off with a blushing smiley, but I changed my mind because after all, sex and intimacy is part of a healthy relationship :wink:

#2
:laughing:i will make mine short and sweet ct as im shattered now :laughing:but everything u have took the time to rite is all so true and so well put ,i agree with all of it ,:flushed:and theres my red facey .xx:smile:

#3
Nice post QT.
once again you cover all the bases.

Sex can be an ordeal for the PWP. Especially with you modern ladies, expecting men to dash from one spot to another. And as for the old adage, A gentleman takes the weight on his elbows, that goes right out the door!
Its nice to know the subject can be broached in a sensible way and i thank you for bringing it up, so to speak.
I too was going to add a blushing smiley , and i have.:flushed:

#4
Hello Wendy
It might seem rude but why are you talking from a mans perspective?
janni

#5
love sex but put me of today my 6 mounth visit to my quack at the end of meds two options brain op or tube in my bowl how sexy is that

#6
I'm sorry to hear that dadio x

#7
hugs dadio:smile:xx i tell u wot though mate,ive had so much done to me stomach and other parts me body,but it dont stop me:wink:

#8
A bulldozer wouldn't stop YOU, Ali! :laughing::laughing::laughing:

#9
:flushed::flushed::flushed:

#10
(is a bulldozer a sleeping bull?)

#11
Hello, Janni.
I was`nt speaking from a man`s point of view, although I could have done, as I have taken the time and trouble in my time to discover what makes a good sex partner. I am actually taking a detatched view,
belonging as I do to that sad group that no longer indulges.
In any case, did you not know i was a man in drag?

#12
Janni, I didn't interpret Wendy's posting as taking the man's point of view at all.

#13
Hi dadio,

sorry to hear your news, it may not be of any help for you to hear but my sister has had an ileostomy ( bowel movements through a bag on her stomach ) since she was 13. She has had numerous operations and had tubes in her stomach for months at a time. She is now married and has a lovely little girl. She has flair ups from time to time but she is very happy. So don't loose hope!

Tulip x

#14
Back to the topic in hand (no it's not really in my hand), the answer to the PD or meds or fatigue messing up the love life is always communication.
Discuss it, have a laugh about it, be more adventurous, don't worry about failures, stick to a cuddle. Just don't get stressed - if anything goes wrong you both know why, so just have a chuckle!