Carer in crisis


#1

Hi all, this is my first post so please excuse any naivety about the forum! 

 

My my Father has had PD for around 13 years, throughout this time he has had cancer and had a fractured hip  and had spent the past year in hospital and care homes. He has since returned home to be looked after by my Mother who is 60 and a full time teacher at a high school and also owns her own Drama School where she teaches at weekends. 

From waking, dressing, giving meds and making breakfast, to taking to bed, undressing, putting him to bed and staying up through the night, changing the sheets and washing him as he were the bed 2/3 times a night.

She is on strong anti depressants and was diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety a few weeks ago after fainting and having heart palpitations. She cannot reduce any more hours of work to look after him as when he was first diagnosed he got the moly finances into severe debt after remortgaging the house and not keeping up with payments. Suffice it to say she is not coping. 

What help can I get for her and does anyone have any advice on day to day living that will help? My father is stubborn and bloody minded and will not do anything to help himself. He is making his and my mums life hell and I don't know what to do.

I've already lost one parent to this disease I do not want to and will not lose another one to it.

Please help me

Megan


#2

Hello Megan,

Welcome to the forum, you are in the right place. 

Like your mother I am carer for my OH but life is easier for us because we are both retired.

At night OH has thick pads and waterproof pants.  We get them online from Hartmann but I guess there are other suppliers.  We use the 1litre Moliform soft for men and one is enough for the whole night. We use nappy sacks to dispose of them in with the general household rubbish.

If you have Crossroads Care in your area your mother should put her name down for help from them.

Has she registered with the GP as a carer.  That opens the door to lots of advice and help and can put her in touch with other useful organisations.

Your mother is also entitled for an assessment of her needs and the GP can put her in touch with the assessors.

For your father, it sounds as though he might be depressed too.   Can his GP visit and check that out?  Perhaps he is lonely.  Is he on his own most of the day?  Some local volunteer groups do visit lonely people and he might welcome meeting new people like this.  Our volunteers run seated exercise classes every week and they are great fun and very sociable.

I hope things do improve for all of you

Hatknitter


#3

Hi MegFOD

This is really tough, on all of you. Truly, it's not one that gets PD but the whole family. If you're in the UK (I hesitate only coz of your use of "high school") I'd say you really need to talk to the professionals, there's a lot to unpack in your tale. Ring the PUK helpline 0808 800 0303.

But don't stop posting here, either, there will be others who have gone through the same thinngs.

Take care

Semele