Is am really struggling with my husbands complete unwillingness to talk about his PD and progression which I notice. He is 9 years on and is still able to lead a fairly independent life. Pursuing his hobbies and driving. However I feel like a carer and housekeeper as he lets me do everything. I’m now at the point as I’m getting older and struggling with my own heath but he refuses to work as a team. Saying this is his illness and he will do things his way. Completely ignoring all medical advice. My mental health is through the floor. It’s
Not in my nature to quit but something has to change.
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It sounds as if it’s all about your husband and nothing about you. My husband is in the club too so I do understand how you’re feeling.
You mention your husbands hobbies, what do you do? Do you have any hobbies, do you belong to any groups, do you meet friends for coffee,do you do an exercise class??? Perhaps if you did more for you (as you say he’s still fairly independent) you’d feel the world isn’t solely about him and his needs.
Have you tried writing a letter to him explaining how you feel. I know to some that sounds daft, but when you read something you take it in more, you can go over it more than once. You can write it in an understanding way, say you can see he’s finding things hard to process and you don’t want Parkinson’s to be the whole focus of your lives but you need to feel listened to. Tell him you’d find it really helpful if he could help with…..
I think that’s all you can do, but you are living too, you need a life, I think if you had more going on away from the chores and your husband you may feel more contented then hopeful your health may improve.
Hi Anne5,
Minty has given some great advice.
The fact that I would act differently is simply because different people have different opinions.
The way I read it, is that he is treating you like his personal ‘slave’.
He is doing what he likes, when he likes and how he likes, and simply if you don’t like it tough, he has PD so you must just feel sorry for him and ‘suck it up’.
You state that he is quite capable of doing things for himself, so I feel that it is way past time that you let him know that enough is enough.
You know that old maxim:
“Do unto others as you will have done unto you”
It is way past time that he learned that.
My take on his attitude to Minty’s suggestion is that he will basically ignore it totally.
He knows exactly what he is doing.
Perhaps you should now start doing what you want, and tell him in no uncertain terms that you have had enough and if doesn’t like it tough.
You will find that he will either act nonchalant and not believe it for an instant until he actually sees you mean it.
Of course the other situation is that he starts whinging and throwing his toys out of the cots asking why could you be so uncaring…
Ignore it and tell him unless and until he starts realising that you are no longer his “whipping boy” and start doing things for himself, that is the way it will be.
I have no doubt that it will take him a week or so until he understand that you are not joking.
Only you know which will work better for you.