Careri am struggling

I am seriously struggling. My wonderful mum who has always been the one to put everyone before her was diagnosed last year and the decline has been so fast i feel like ìt has been a whirlwind. I hate what is happening to her and feel powerless to help due to my own health issues which mean i can’t just go to her when ever i like.

I just don’t know how i can truly help her and don’t know how i can cope with just breaks my heart.

It’s so difficult. Unfortunately it affects everyone in different ways. Getting meds right, even if she has to continually go back to the dr to get it right, helps.

For ideas and support, read through various of the links, even in other areas, then you will get ideas and also find things in common with others and support (& find how to get Parkinsons nurse etc if necessary). They also have people here you can contact for support and information on helpline.

Thanks for replying. I do read through lots of different things and know we have to make our own path with this as no-one goes on the exact same PD journey. Its just so hard having someone who was always the positive force in the family struggling so much. Last night it hit me hard again and i cried with the anger and fear of it all. I think i will be back on here a lot reading through and getting support as friends don’t truly understand as they are not the ones living it.

Hello Gemk99, from what you say of your mother I would imagine that she knows you do what you can and would not want you to be so upset and feeling as if you are ‘powerless to help’ to quote you. You are helping her by caring and being there for her even if it is not in the way you would choose. You don’t have to be physically with someone for that person to know you care and are thinking and supporting them which can be as powerful as someone physically helping. I think that is how your mum sees you. It is good you have found the forum because I am sure you will find others will agree that you and your mum are relatively new to all this if she was only diagnosed last year. Some take longer to adjust than others, some find it harder than others, some will weep buckets, others no tears, some will be angry, others quiet and these and any number of other emotions can apply to the person with Parkinson’s or their family and friends. So you see whatever you think and feel is ok, it is how you are dealing with it and until your path settles down a bit, and it will, you just have to hang on to the knowledge that in your heart of hearts you know your mum understands that you are doing the best you can for her - because you are and that’s all anyone can do.

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Thank you so much for the supportive words. They mean a lot.

Hi Gemk99
I’m not going to be able to add anything else to what Tot said.
She just sums it up so well.

Please stick with the forum
as there are many little gems (no. Pun intended) of information to be found on here.
Also you will have friends on here albeit virtual, a little like having the grandchildren for the day.
You can give them back whenever you want.
If I may I would like to ask you to join our little gang of musketeers on the insomnia thread.

Tommy :pill::pill:

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Thank you Tommy, you are very kind. I can only write as I see it and it reflects what I believe - if it is helpful to someone that’s just lovely. You are clearly caring and compassionate and I know from having read some of your posts that your words will be valued because they are honest and true and come from the heart. You give people hope and that is a great gift to give.

Definitely use this facility for support but also some venting. It’s better out than in and in order for you to help your mum cope, you need to also look after yourself. You are allowed to be angry, sad etc, it’s so unfair and frustrating but unfortunately, it’s out of our hands. We can only control how we deal with it.

My dad dealt with throat cancer and survived even though he wasn’t given much hope. His 5 year survival reward was to be diagnosed with PD. He didn’t deserve it, but amazes me every day.
Little achievements really matter, record and cherish.
At least here, you are with people who really understand, even if their journey is on a slightly different road.

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Thanks all. I was chatting for my brother today and he cracked too this week. Too often we see each other with mum there and have a brave face for her. Just got to make sure we keep galking and supporting.

I will definitely be back on this forum many times in the future as great to talk to people with experience of what we are going through.

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Good to hear about you and your brother sharing what you are going through. I hope it helps you both and I am sure your mother will benefit. when she sees you both together for her. I wish all three of you well and hope things settle down a bit for you now., It may not be an easy ride and certainly not one any of us would choose but nor is it all bad. I hope the three of you smile if not laugh again soon.
Let us know how it’s going, good or bad.

Great that you both had a chance to share and get it out in the open, it will help you all in the future. I too will look forward to seeing updates. Take care