Christmas day help

It is christmas day and i am really depressed and sad. I just rang the samaritans but i got a bloke at the other end of the phone who just listened when i wanted some ssort of response, so i feel no better.

I am in my 50;s and i am here with my son, who is here for the there is just the two of us. I have a partner but he left to go to work at 7.30 this morning and i won;t see him until sometime tomorrow.This is our first christmas "together" what a joke.

he loves his job - he is an entertainer in a local hotel and when we frst met i was invited to go along in the evenings and see his act. Now however he says it is his place of work and if i worked in an office etc he would not come and siit looking at me. So, I dont get to go any more. I did think that at Christmas i would be included a bit, but it is not to be - and i have new year to get through yet too.Other partners go by the way. and staff i have met in town ask me why i dont go any more. I bought new clothes and shoes to wearover christmas, but i have neve rhad the opportunity of wearing them. I put a nice dress on when he came home last night for him, and he knows i bought it for christmas , but .....

So, he is with people and i am lonely. I feel selfish and it has caused arguments but he just does not understand . I have tried to accept it but it is so hard.

the year before last i was made redundant from a governent department, i was diagnosed with Parkinsons, (which is worse today because of the stress) then i was made redundant again and have not been able to find work. i live n an apartment in a town where i dont really know many people and i have no family

Why i am depressed is that three years ago i ran away to come and live here because i was in a very abusive relationship. Chritmases were non - existant and my son was in tears because of it.In the later few years he would not buy me any gifts and my gifts were him were always thrown away unopened, then for many years he left the house early in the mornng and spent the day with his mother and i was excluded. i was seriously ill with cancer by the way for seven of those years.

so, thats the problem really, i was hoping that this christmas would be better, but its not, i am still excluded. Maybe my partner is not enjoying it 100%but to me that is not the point, he is with people and i am not. he has been to parties and so on, and this year i have not even had a dinner or office party to go to.nothing. even seeing him for an hour today would have made me feel better..

i just dont know how to get through today and the next few days . I want to be understanding as he has asked me to but i am finding it too hard

can anybody offer me some advice please???
this is making my parkie worse.
hi starlet
can't really give any profound advice as don't know the people involved or situation.
just wanted to let you know that your post has been read and not ignored.
perhaps you could plan a delayed celebration - a nice meal, video of the queen's speech, etc?
hope you feel better soon.
Hi Starlet, I am sorry, but all I can really do is echo Turnips comments. I just wanted to know we are here and are listening. You have not been ignord. I hope your situation soon improves All the best , Blue Angel

Ps if you want to keep in touch , that's fine.
I hope you have enjoyed the day with your son, it's nice he has spent the day with you? Best wishes
I hope you managed to spend some good time with your son. As the others have said it's not possible to advise you on what to do. It must have taken real strength to break out of the abusive relationship that you were in. I wonder if you can draw encouragement from knowing that you managed to do that.

Hi Startlet,
I'm sorry that I didn't see this the day you posted.
I really feel for you. Having people in your life and still felling lonely is a situation I have been familiar with in the past. The difficulty about giving advice to you is that what may have worked for me could be totally wrong for you.

What I can say is that I admire, very much, your courage in getting away from an abusive relationship. That shows your strength, that at the moment is buried beneath the stress of your current situation. Who would not feel depressed after being, in a short space of time, diagnosed with Parkinson’s, being made redundant and not having the support of good friends, all topped off with a partner who seems unable (or unwilling?) to understand how you are feeling. Has he come to terms with your diagnosis and the physical symptoms that manifest?
All that I feel able to suggest is to find some support, as it can be difficult to get out of that dark hole on your own. Is your G.P. sympathetic? Have they diagnosed depression and if so can they refer you onto to counselling or therapy of some sort? I hope your the sort who takes your worries and stress seriously.
I’m sorry you didn’t get what you wanted from the Samaritans, but please ring them again if you get desperate. They are a listening ear and can’t offer solutions, but just to offload and hear a friendly voice, even at the worst of times, can be keep your head above water. Keep in touch with everyone on the forum.
I wish you all the best, Starlet and beg you to think of any positive things in your life, however small you think they are. This is the way forward, I believe. Oh crumbs, I have given you advice after all...!
Best regards,