Compulsive/Impulsive Behaviour - Help


#1
My husband has now been taking Requip for three years and I have just discovered that during the passed 18 months he has spent nearly ten thousand pounds on chat rooms and prostitutes. I am absolutely devastated and am really finding it very hard to cope with this 'new' side of him. Even though I know that this is not the real behaviour of my husband, I still hate the deceit and betrayal that he has brought into our marriage. I feel absolutely stupid for not picking up on this before.

Now I am in the situation where I must protect the rest of our savings before it all goes. Whilst he claims that all the secret credit cards and accounts have now been destroyed, I cannot believe him. Having to transfer all of the money into my name seems so mercenary but I feel that this is the only way to protect him and my family.

Any advice, financial or emotional, to give to a very battered and emotionally frail carer would be appreciated. I could really do with some support.

Neddie

#2
Hello Neddie,

I am so sorry that you have had to endure this dreadful situation due to the drugs, people just don't realise the huge hurt it causes and I can totally understand the feeling of betrayal you have. There are several people on this forum who have experienced the same and I hope you hear from them soon which I am sure you will. The experts say that the number affected like this is quite small but the true picture will probably show many more people who are suffering who can't feel that they can come forward.
Your husband needs to see the consultant and get his drugs reduced or changed, and I know you feel bad about having the money in your name but you need to do this quickly and this may sound awful but you will have to be on the look out for any signs of further spending as you may have got rid of the cards but it is too easy to get other's ones. The secretiveness is really horrible especially when you may have had a good marriage and shared everything together before.
My husband used to spend money on the ITV programmes late at night but this was only to the extent of a hundred pounds before Virgin rang me to query our phone bill being higher than normal in just two weeks otherwise I wouldn't have known anything about it.
Please go to the hospital and get yourself checked out, I know of another lady who had to do this and it is so awful but you must do it for your own sake.
I would suggest that you ask for a referral to a psychologist so that you can both have help in coping with all the hurt you must feel, there is another lady on here that will probably answer your post who will be able to help you much more than I can.
My husband has had pd for thirty years and it was only in the last few years that we had some of the problems these drugs cause in some people and fortunately nothing like you, so please get help soon.
I will be thinking of you
best wishes
vivian

#3
Hello Neddie

I do not have direct experience of this side effect of the drugs but you have my sincere and heartfelt sympathy. As Vivian says, please do not try and do this on your own. You must ask for help. The Help Line (number at the top left hand of the page) would be a good place to start.

All the best.

Worrals

#4
Hello Neddie, my heart goes out to you. Like your hubby I too developed a compulsive behavior whilst taking Requip and I did financially break us, many years on we are still paying back the debts that I incurred at the time and it looks like we will loose our home fairly soon. Until it all became obvious my hubby didn't have a clue as I dealt with the finances and it went on for about 3/4 years during which time my poor hubby was obliviously trusting of me.

You really need help with this and yes, you must take full control of your finances because your hubby will go to any lengths to get what he needs. I do say needs and not wants because his compulsion is just what it say's he cannot and will not stop unless there is intervention. You must also be prepared for the backlash I'm afraid because he will hate you for it initially, but believe me when he's off the drugs and back to his usual self he will see clearly why you acted as you did and be thankful.

If you have a pd nurse please contact her straight away and if possible get in to see your hubbies neuro, because he will need to be titrated off the Requip and the sooner the better.

Please do not blame yourself for not noticing either, when we are on the DA's we become very deceitful and clever at hiding our activities, those who have experienced this will understand what I mean, but it's very difficult for others, some still firmly believing that we have a choice, most of us don't or in my case didn't.

If you need to ask questions or feel that you or your hubby, when he's ready, need to chat away from the forum, please contact me and I will help in any way I can.

Good luck and please keep us informed, above all remember, you are not on your own in this, we will all help in any way that we can.

regards
glenchass

#5
Neddie

Vivian and Glenchass have given you excellent insights. I am a 46yo male PWP and I have had some experiences similar to your husband's. The difference is that I have weaned myself off ropinirole from a peak of 18mg/day to zero. I did that slowly and with the support of my neuro. It has utterly transformed my behaviour. I hope that helps you to stay hopeful.

If you take control of the money and get medical support to wean your husband off the problem drugs things should improve.

I hope that helps. You are not alone.

Good Luck and please tell us how you get on.

EF

#6
Firstly, I would like to thank all of you for the support and assistance that you have shown during yet another difficult stage of this disease.

Vivian - I have taken your advice and visited the local clinic, not the best place to spend a morning. However, for anyone else who finds themselves in a similar position, you are treated with a great deal of respect and sympathy. I have also taken control of our finances and will be visiting a solicitor to find out what other steps I may take to protect our assets.

Worrals - Many thanks for taking the time to show support. It meant such a lot.

Glenchass - Just by telling me that it was a 'need' and not a 'want' put things into prespective. It helped with the betrayal of it all. Your comments regarding deceiptful behaviour gave insight into the way that his mind was working. When we talked about this last night, my husband actually understood exactly what you meant. He still doesn't really understand how ruthless his actions were but maybe when we wean him of Requip he will.
My heart really goes out to you with regards to the financial situation that you now find yourself in. Such a wonderful thing to do to be so honest over something so painful. I will be thinking of you and sending out as many positive thoughts to you as possible. When things calm down and I have sorted myself out, I will try to contact you.

Elegant Fowl - You have given me hope. Maybe my husband will revert to his previous behaviour once he has come off Requip. He is on a similar dose to the one that you were on. Just for info, what did you replace Requip with and how long did it take to come off it?

Your honest and brave responses have given me a lot of strength. Knowing that you are there helps. At the moment I am starting to feel that I may be able to continue fighting against this bl**dy awful disease, rather than just walking away. After all, it is not really him who is doing this. He is the father of my three wonderful sons and without him, I would not have my boys.

Neddie xxxxx

#7
My experience was like this :-
I took something like a year to come off ropinirole. I ramped down gently from 18mg/day. I did not start with the intention of cutting down to zero but simply reduced the dose in stages to see how I felt. I had support from my neuro and others through this time.

I tended to reduce the dose at the weekend to avoid any impact on the working week. In the middle of the process I changed to using requip XL (modified release form of ropinirole). I'm not sure if that had any effect on side effects control.

At each stage of the process I waited for a few weeks to see how I felt. Several times during the process I felt my thinking transform. That was also true at the last step.

At the start of the process I was taking sinemet plus 3 times a day, by the end I had increased to 4 times a day. Without ropinirole my physical symptoms are slightly less well controlled than they were.

I hope this helps

EF

#8
Neddie.
I posted in answer to your dilemma on the "impulsive and compulsive thread.
If you look back at posts in that thread you will see many others have experienced what you are going through.
Be strong and keep informing all those involved in your husband's care about his behaviour and you will survive.
Love GG

#9
Neddie
just a few extra points that may be superfluous -
stopping requip suddenly can be very dangerous - it needs to be gradually brought down under medical supervision. it doesnt necessarily have to go entirely - there may be a safe dose. the difference will almost certainly be made up with a levadopa based drug (madopar or sinemet).
one way of thinking about it is as if your husband was possessed by an evil force - it wasnt the real him doing those things. the real him will almost certainly reappear when the drugs are reduced. it really wasnt his fault - his real self couldnt choose otherwise. believe it or not you could do similar things given the same chemicals. we all think we could control our selves until the day when we find we are a different person. it wasnt the man you married who did it, but that man should re-emerge.

forgiveness is the only way forward.

good luck

ps the evil self may resist being extinguished ie deny the problem to the neuro, stash away drugs etc

#10
hi i have just lose more then monet can by i have done so well before i went on requpwas on 18 mils a day then bany was going to bet enythind i could get my hands on the sex chat on phones ect when we did fine about these meds it was tolate yes its so my wife put me out and can not see my g/kids and it went on so if you wifes out there orhusband out there just think back to wot you had before this med then help him ot her to helf them with this i was with wife 31 years but it didnt count for nothing so i kown but if you can see love ones thouth this i wish you all all the best for 2013

#11
:disappointed:
Neddie I am so sorry you find yourself in this horrible situation, I myself was overwhelmed by powerfull sexual feelings while takng madopar and Cabergoline it almost broke my marriage and I am sure the damage runs deep with my dear wife..
Prior to taking the drugs our sex life had settled into the average for people of our age, once or twice a month, sometimes three, and we were happy we could take it or leave it. Then I began to have shamefull fantasies about my wife things were ok at first we both enjoyed the transformation and
went with the flow but worse :flushed:was to come .we were having a night out in Morpeth when we met up with two of " L"s work mates,normaly quiet lads they
were obviously intoxicated and although not legless their inhibitions had gone and they began to pester my wife ,and asking me to leave her with them "SHE WIL BE OK WITH US " and to my surprise the idea exited me,all the fantasies that were in my head began to dangerously come true. I even asked my wife if she would like to spend the night with them ( she looked at me in Horror )? they are both drunk, how could you even think it she growled , and rightly so of course, and that was only one of sick perverse things that happened, she finaly told me if I did not see someone ,she meant a sex therapist , she would leave. I was desperate I loved my wife and would die before losing her. I had an appointment with my Nurse consultant the following day and told her the sad sordid details, after much discussion with senior consultants I was taken off Cabergoline , and on to Tolcapone , virtually overnight I was back to normal I had never been so relieved
in my life our relationship was saved and all because of a tiny white pill.
Take care and Kindest Regards to All fedexlike

#12
:smile:
I know things were bad , but they man you love is still there and a change in drug regime is often the answer, don't give up , rebuild your trust while staying alert for any relapse you will win through.

Best of all Wishes FED

#13
Hello Fedexlike,


I am so glad that you sorted out the issues you mention in you last post, my husband has hypersexuality problems in as much as started watching porn which is okay for some people but he never would have watched it before pd. I also found a carer and a female member of a group he attended were getting too friendly so had to sort that out as I knew that was certainly not my husband's normal behavior, he was very angry at the time but when our son pointed out to him it was wrong he was really upset.
I always tell anyone I know that is put on these drugs to be very aware and that they should ask their partners/spouses to be on the look out for changes. In fact I met a lady just yesterday who has noticed her eating has increased and I know of a few people who are like that. When I take anything down to my husband he may have just eaten a large meal but he then starts straight onto whatever we have taken in and that is just not because its a treat he really can't wait a minute.
All these things are very hurtful but as you say you can rebuild your lives with a lot of understanding and love.
best wishes to your and your wife.
vivian

#14
:grin:
Good Morning Vivian,I am sad that you had to endure the hurt and shock which is a
consequence of PD drugs, and you also mentioned in your post that your loving husband would never have behaved in that way prior to intake of those drugs,the damage to your relationship could have been ireversable . In my case I don't think I will ever really forgive my self for thinking and behaving the way I did
with the person who is so loving and kind to me, oh yes we have put all the troubles behind us and its never mentioned now, but the guilt, I just cant seem to shake it off. Kindest Regards and Best Wishes for the coming Year
Fedexlike

#15
Just a quick update on the situation.

O/H neurologist has recommended that he comes off of ReQuip reducing his dose by 1mg a week. Our Parkinson Nurse finally gave a half hearted response ten days after we had contacted her, merely confirming what the neurologist had suggested with no other advice (waste of space).

I have taken control of all finances, changed passwords to all debit/credit cards that I know about, review accounts on a daily basis and hidden all the viagra tablets. I even have to monitor some of those awful sites he frequents just to keep an eye on his behaviour. He is not a happy man!

As for us as a couple, I still do not know what to do. I know that I must at least see him through this change in prescription before making any final decision. However, I am still very, very hurt by the things that he has done and continues to do. Only last week he took money left for the gardener and treated himself to a prostitute. When I asked him about it, he initally denied it, claiming that he did not have an account on that well known site. I lost my patience and called him a liar. Clearly he had forgotten that I knew about this account. I then discovered that he had been taking extra doses of ReQuip to counter-act the stress-induced Parkie problems! A clear corrolation between drugs and compulsive/impulsive behaviour. He is deeply ashamed of himself and it is horrible to see him go through this.

Unfortunately my oldest son has discovered some of my husbands behaviour problems and cannot cope with it. He suffered greatly from my husbands temper prior to the diagnosis of Parkinson. He does not want me to stay with my husband as he is worried that I am wasting my life on a pointless cause. Hard but honest. He is just very protective of me and wants me to be happy. I have told him that when I come to a decision, it will be based on my thoughts and my thoughts alone.

I have read all of your messages of support and cannot get over the unselfishness of you all. So many sad situations. However, there is hope in your posts and maybe the man I love is hidden by the drugs and will re-appear by the middle of 2013. Where there is a will, there is a way.

With much love,

Neddie

#16
Thank you for your update Neddie, my heart goes out to you both for the situation that you find yourselves in. I know many that have lost everything due to these meds and it's so unfair, I personally feel very angry that I was never warned about he possibility of the side effects and it would appear that even though people are now being warned, the statistics and the consequences are watered down, the drugs are great for some people but not all and the outcome can be devastating effecting many aspects of a persons life. I really do not believe that the medics take it seriously enough and it exasperates me.

I wondered if you could block some of the sites your hubby is using, there are some sort of 'child' locks that one can use to prevent access to such places. I know it seem's a severe action but that man is not really your hubby whilst taking these meds and it is very important that this is foremost in your mind.

I do hope that you can hang in there until he's 'clean' again before you make any decisions about your future together.

Please keep us updated and once again I will say, you are very welcome to contact me for a chat or simply a damn good winge!!!

regards
Glenchass

#17
He will return to his old self 100% when he is off the drugs, but by the sound of it you need to lock up all his supply and dole them out. He will be suffering withdrawl symptoms and will do almost anything to maintain his level of drugs.
But once they are out of his system you may be surprised by how quick the change is.
judge him by how he is then not how he is now as that is his genuine personality - the rest is how anyone might act who has been given a mind altering drug.

#18
Neddie

Thanks for the update. I can only agree with what Glenchass and Turnip have said. My experience is that when you have managed to wean him off the drug his old personality will return. You will both be amazed at the transformation.

Glenchass' suggestion about using parental control software on computers is a good one and it might help. You need to install it on all your computers and configure them so that the controlling adult (i.e. you) has the administrator account and all others use restricted accounts. You tell the software the age of each child account and the software will then filter web access. It will not allow the child accounts to go to websites that are classified as 'adult' or 'chat' etc. You might need to configure your husband's access to that of a 10 year old child to be effective.
Depending on your situation this might help a bit but people are very very resourceful.

Please keep us updated

EF

#19
Hello Neddie,

Thanks for the update, I still think you are not getting the support you need to come to terms with all that has and still is going on with your husband. You should be able to see a physiologist or physiotherapist as some other pwp's on the forum have found that it has helped them both.
You can get the parental control put on the tv it costs a pound a month a few years ago because I had it for my husband, it does not stop all channels and More 4 shows programmes of a sexual nature and I couldn't stop those.
You will not get anywhere untill these drugs are out of the system but I have friends where they have stopped reduced requip from 24mg to 18 in one go so it might be worth asking if you could reduce them quicker. If you are at home and able to take control of the drugs it would help a lot and you can also get the drugs made up into a dosset type box which would help control them as well.
I am sorry you didn't get a quick reply from the PD nurse as they can be so helpful in a situation like this.
I have to go now but if I think of anything else that could be useful I will post you.
All the very best for now
vivian

#20
Good idea regarding parental controls on PC's and televisions. However, prior to parkinson he worked in media IT so he knows exactly how to overcome these softwares!

It is difficult to dole out his drugs as I am still at work so not around all of the time.

However, I am a woman and we can be very devious and resourceful when the need arises. Ha Ha. May have to use the cats timed feeder bowls.