My husband has PD and he has deteriorated very quickly. I now find myself having to do everything around the house as well as care for him. Please don’t think I am complaining and I can cope with most things, however this morning I am so upset because the tyres on my car need attention and this is the sort of thing my husband dealt with. Such a simple thing really but I can’t stop crying about it and our situation in general I suppose. I don’t like to bother family and friends although I know they will help. Just feeling sorry for myself.
Hi @witsend, welcome to our forum, and thank you for sharing your story.
Many people using this forum will recognise that moments like what you described can hit hard, especially when they highlight how much has changed and what your husband used to take care of.
Feeling tearful or overwhelmed is a natural response, and you’re not weak for feeling this way. You’ve been carrying a lot on your own.
You’re allowed to feel sad about it, and you’re allowed to accept help even if you’re used to coping. Many here will recognise this feeling, and you’re not alone.
Aside from the many kind people on this forum, we’re here for you too. If you ever feel like unburdening, or even venting, we’re a phone call away on freephone 0808 800 0303, and no question is too big or too small.
Oh bless you, I have every sympathy for you because I often think that if my husband had Parkinson’s instead of me life would be much harder. Even though I do try and do as much as I can my husband does the majority of day to day chores and would deal with car maintenance.
You’ve done the right thing by reaching out on this forum, even if it’s just to share problems with us all by posting on the forum it’s a way of getting something of your chest because it’s not a good thing when it all builds up and is gets even harder to deal with.
I can fully empathise. I grew up with Dad taking care of things, when I got married, I took care of the home and my husband took care of everything else, such as the car. It’s how it was, and the younger members of the family stepped up as needed, but now times they are a changing and the traditional demography of family no longer exists. So, people such as us have to adapt. It’s not easy. We have to learn new roles and do things previously beyond our ken. I live on my own now, so not only have I got to learn to do for myself, I have to learn how to live my best life with Parkinson’s. Go ahead, feel sorry for yourself, BUT then go and ask your family and friends for help!!! Bother them all you need to bother! You’ll probably find them ready, willing, and very able to help all they can.
You are not feeling sorry for yourself at all – it is grief for the life and partnership you have lost and that is completely valid.Please do not feel bad about leaning on others sometimes even the strongest carers need support
Hello @ementhon , welcome to the forum. We hope you find it helpful to ask questions and share experiences with our community.
Thank you for sharing a supportive message as your first post to help others. The sentiment that even the strongest carers need support is so important. We’re here to help you, too, as your support or care for your loved ones. We have information on our website about how you can get support and look after yourself as a carer: Caring for someone with Parkinson's | Parkinson's UK
I feel I know exactly what you are telling us. At times I want to scream and tell him to go away….and it passes and we cope and we continue caring and loving.
Hello witsend, I can fully empathise with you - I too feel very hard done by having to do everything maintain the house, garden and car. It does at times feel overwhelming. I don’t have an answer sadly other than for me some things I have had to let slide and I tend to deal with things in a ‘fire fighting’ manner, deal with what needs doing the most. It isn’t a way I’d have chosen to live but it’s become that way. I too now say - I can’t do that we will have to get someone to do it - like change the bathroom extractor fan . My husband seems to think because he would have done these jobs that therefore I can.
I find the hardest thing is finding trusted tradespeople to undertake work for us including car mechanics. I won’t lie and say it becomes easier because it doesn’t but for me/us it’s about adapting and being kind to yourself. Try not to get upset it’s frustration and sadness that sends you there - easier said than done I know. Very Best Wishes Jane
Hello Witsend….I think most people on this forum can relate to what you have said … my HWP has been diagnosed for 10 years now, he’s probably had it for 13/14 years though,as the symptoms were all there. Obviously he is deteriorating now, some days he is worse than others. This is not the way our life was “planned” and some days I feel very sad with it all…he cannot do most of the things he used to do,some things are a total struggle. We have found that people who we thought were friends have turned out not to be true friends, they avoid us now, I am not sure if it’s because they are scared we may ask them to help us( we never would though!)…then we have also found that there are some amazing people in the world as well…an example of this was last week: we parked in a local car park and when we got out of the car the front tyre was going down. We had literally just driven over a massive bolt where we parked …it was obvious we needed to change the tyre. This was something that my Husband would have easily done a few years ago. He did not have the strength to do it,could not get the car up onto the wheel ramp we had in the boot and was struggling and starting to panic and shake relentlessly …I was trying to help whilst lots of people walked past us looking to see what was happening but not offering any sort of help…I was on the verge of tears myself and had just got my phone out to ring the RAC when a total stranger ran over to us after he parked his car and asked what the problem was! He got the car lifted up and changed the tyre and put the spare tyre on which enabled us to go to the garage and have a new tyre put on…I could not thank him enough….so in the midst of all the sadness surrounding PD,there are always good people around to show us that they care….These are the small things I hang onto when things are not easy…..
. My husband seems to think because he would have done these jobs that therefore I can.