Dad not accepting

HI there, I’m new here. My mum, 73 was diagnosed with PD a couple of years ago and has also got related dementia. She has always been my Dad’s carer and now the tables are turned it’s not going so well.

My mum’s tremors are more obvious in her face and this seems to be a real issue for my Dad.
Things have got worse in terms of tremors and issues with swallowing over the past few months and we have received some good support from the dementia team, speech and language and so on.

Myself and my sisters are there most days, but that still doesn’t seem to be enough. He is constantly talking about her ‘shakes’ being an issue and getting worst (they’re not, they are pretty steady, but yes, they are there)

She gets in to a panic about swallowing and has had lots of input from SLT. The trouble is as soon as she feels like she can’t swallow my dad panics, makes her worst and they call myself or my sister and we have to rush round there. Often mum is in tears when we arrive and Dad is in a flap saying ‘she can’t top shaking, look at her!’

He’s clearly not accepting things and not coping with the changes in mum. But we have tried and tried to explain but it’s just not going in. I actually think he’s in complete denial.

They have recently been assessed by a social worker and things are being put in place to give Dad a break. They have also decided to move to supported living, so that is also in the process of being sorted out.

But I’m just not sure my Dad understands the long term prognosis - or wants to? I’m know it’s really hard for him but it’s hard for us too and I’m at the end of my tether. I live an hour away from them and having to rush over only to explain again that she needs to stay calm, dad needs to stop panicking etc is completely wearing me out. I’m sure my sisters feel the same as I know they get phone calls regularly too.

I’ve just got off the phone in tears as he told me I don’t understand as it’s really hard for him. I appreciate how hard it is, I really do. But I really think it’s time he stopped feeling sorry for himself and start being there for mum.

Any suggestions would be gratefully accepted.

Hi @JJ5, :wave:

Welcome to the forum. :slightly_smiling_face:

Parkinson’s can have a profound affect on not just the person with condition, but also family members as well which could explain why your dad is struggling at the moment. This is not uncommon as I’m sure many of our members can attest to and you seem to taking all the right steps in terms of getting a social worker involved to help your dad as your mum’s carer.

We understand the challenges that come along with caring for someone with Parkinson’s and we have a wealth of information that can help you and your family via our website here: https://www.parkinsons.org.uk/information-and-support/caring-someone-parkinsons

I’m sure you’ll also hear from some of our members with their own experiences that I’m sure will be helpful to you, however, in the meantime we have a team of advisers via our confidential helpline that would be more than happy to offer you more support on this. Give us a call on 0808 800 0303 or email us at [email protected].

Best wishes,
Reah
Forum Community Manager