Looking for love?? At what point do you mention the 'P' word?
Having spent the latter part of my career looking forward to early retirement so that I could have the luxury of time doing all the things that having a job might provide me the funds to pursue but does not afford me the time to do so - like endless spontaneous trips away, scuba diving, paragliding, creating music and other artistic endeavour etc.
Having recently retired - a little sooner than anticipated - I find myself unable to do many of the things that I had planned to, although I can still travel. The only problem here is that, whilst I am perfectly comfortable in my own company, I currently have no one to share my travelling with and so feel less inclined to embark upon such activity. Therefore, I have thought of the possibility of finding a new travelling partner - and whatever else might follow.
Having been to many Parkinson's meetings and noted the very many couples and unofficial carers, I have to assume that (other than those know for certain), the vast majority of these couples were together long before one or other of them was diagnosed with Parkinson's. Hopefully there is sufficient relationship between them both to withstand the shock and for the relationship to continue. But what are the prospects of people who were single at the time of diagnosis?
I discussed this with a number of my 'working age group' couples and they wondered whether I should concentrate my efforts amongst the (very reduced) 'pool' of people who already have Parkinson's; this way, the person would have an understanding of what they might be likely to have to deal with in the future and would evidently want to be with me despite this. Fair point, although my initial reaction was that they may be struggling enough to look after themselves as it is, without of having the added complication of my potential deterioration at some point in the future. Equally, could I cope with looking after them in their potential deterioration? And why should I have to restrict myself? So, if I want to increase the odds, does this leave me the (relatively small) 'pool' of sufficiently aware non-Parkinson's people from which to select a partner?
Only once in my entire life have I approached a complete stranger in a bar with view to starting a relationship, so I don't see the likelihood of that happening any time soon. Attending some sort of course might be a place to meet people but, by the time anyone has spent much time in my company, they will have noticed at least a tremor, which isn't exactly a good selling point.
Perhaps the next option is the current trend for anonymous online dating, but how should one form one's advert? Forgetful, untidy, clumsy and with a penchant for mixing up dates, making silly mistakes and the likelihood of tipping coffee down my shirt. Blah, blah and more blah...Oh, and I also have Parkinson's. At what point in the proceedings does one mention the 'P' word? Should it go in the actual advert, so that it naturally eliminates 99.9% of an already reducing number of potential takers? Or does one wait until some point during the first meeting, having spent much of it sitting on one's offending hand, where they are able to realise what a wonderfully compatible person I am and are just at the point of thinking they would like to spend more time with me, when I hit them with the 'P' word and they suddenly lose interest, never to be seen again? There is little point in leaving it much longer, whereupon they end up feeling 'duped'.
I haven't yet found the thread of the discussion mentioned elsewhere here.
I do wonder how other singletons manage the prospect of embarking upon a new relationship and whether there is any scope for a 'P' pool for those so inclined to restrict themselves to others with Parkinson's?