I've had Parkinson's for 3 years, have learnt to cope by keeping away from stressful situations, organising work so I have few surprises. Physical stuff isn't a problem, I have a tremor and can't move my left hand but work around it.
My daughter decided for a do it yourself wedding and my wife and i tried to dissuade them but they were determined. The wedding is being organised from our house including catering. Guests are being housed locally, we live in the country with no hotel etc.
the problem is that i get irritated very easily, my children hadn´t realised how ill i actually am. i feel that my presence is ruining everything for them. i have withdrawn into my room but now feel even worse about the situation. my children now can see how much i have changed and that makes them sad. should i battle on or should i go away and let them get on with it?
Hi Woolly
You must battle on.It Is your daughters Wedding and you do not want to have any regrets.You should be thinking I have PD but PD does not have me! ! !
I have my sons wedding this year and would not miss it for the world no matter how bad i felt.
Your daughter will so want her dad by her side. You can feel so proud standing next to her.
Let us know how you go
Barbara x
PS. Enjoy the special day! ! !
Thanks Barbara;
I am trying to stay out of peoples way but fully intend to enjoy the day.
I think the problem is that our house is wedding central so keeping a low profile means staying in my room, luckily I run a web based business so can be on my computer working.
My wife and I said a year ago that we would rather pay for catering than have the chaos of them doing it all from our house, now they know why.
Hi Woolly,
If they are organising the wedding I'm sure they will cope well. If you can, just sit back and let them get on with the work! The prerogative of parents of grown up children I like to think.
They were already aware of your PD and how you and your wife felt about the occasion so must have thought about it. I'm sure they would not want you to feel you had to stay out of the way in your own home.
I do know what you mean about them not fully understanding how you are now, I'm sure my children don't. It's not that they don't care. Just that Mum's always been around and still looks pretty much the same so......... They're busy with their own lives. I too get easily irritated, often when I'm tired. My husband is very understanding but I still feel guilty for sometimes being short with him.
Both our son and daughter had DIY weddings, which they organised themselves, (admittedly before I was PD diagnosed) and they were lovely occasions, much more personal and memorable than ones organised by a "professional".
Hope you and your family have a wonderful day and make lots of lovely memories. Enjoy you place as father of the bride.
Thanks Daffy;
Keeping my head down and mouth shut, just letting them get on with it.
was having a bit of a crisis a couple of days ago, might have been due to my patch working loose.
It's a devil of a balancing act at times isn't it?
The wedding went well, a big success all round.
Emotionally incontinent, I broke down several times. I would have cried without Parkinson's just not with so much intensity. The whole day is now a blur. Hardly remember speaking to anyone.
Hi Woolly,
Pleased to hear your daughter's wedding went well. Everyone expects a few tears.....I'm sure people understood. The stress of it all, beforehand, hopefully has passed too. You did the right thing by keeping your head down and letting them get on with it. My son gets married next year, but hasn't chosen a venue yet!
Twinks.
Hi Woolley,
We all get grumpy and snappy at times , we are coping with a lot and sometimes its the hair that breaks the camels back.
I dont know this for sure but if you are hiding your feelings and not feeling relaxed in your own home this is going to make you more stressed out. When stressed or depressed can get a bit like an old crocodile, no need to hide away , try and explain why you feel you have to withdraw etc.
Maybe counselling will help, it can offer a means to talk to a professional to relieve that tension, may be de stress a little. Have a chat to your gp or pdnurse or the helpline.
You are still a great dad and husband just a bit grumpy eh? maybe meds for depression or anxiety counselling may help, but please dont lock yourself away, theres a life to be lived just look for a different route.
Best wishes TH
Hi Woolley,
Great news about the wedding. So glad it all went well for you and your family. I think everyone sheds a tear or two when their child marries (wether they admit it or not!). Huge amount of emotion involved all round. Best whishes in getting back to normal now.
This reminds me of the wedding of one of my DDs. OH has PD and his voice is very quiet; but he writes a mean wedding speech (as evidenced from the previous two DDs), and we were worried about how he would manage. We rigged up a mic, and his speech was very favourably received indeed - not a dry eye in the house! My DD was so proud that he made the effort to "dispatch" the last of his DDs in style!
klatrer, I’m so sorry you have to go through this. It is kind of selfish of them to put so much on you. I think the best you can do is to provide them with a venue and hire someone to do the rest of organization, food, attractions etc. There are a lot of services, poptop is a nice one. You have already done a lot to your daughter and don’t feel bad refusing to participate if you don’t want to. Take care
Just organize something for them to get their attention, it’d be great for both of you. Something to entertain kids. We invited some kids entertainers with the help of poptop in Birmingham, the kids were fine! It should work out for your problem as well.