Dealing with dads anxiety

Situation - Dad with PD for 20ish years, symptoms probably mid stage. Im the only one looking out for him but i also have a wife and two very young children and a demanding job that takes me away a lot. He has suffered quite a few panic attacks in the past and now see that he is suffering a lot from anxiety and when it hits it iscompletely debilitating to him. I have tecently had to leave work on a number of occasions to calm him down and can forsee a time in the future when i simply won’t be able to be there as i’ll be somewhere else in the country. I know his current anxietyis due to him having to pay a large amount of money to extend the lease on his flat. I reassure him and reassure him that he is doing the right thing but he still stays up every night worrying uncontrollably about it. So does anyone know what i can do to help him manage it? The GP, although a nice guy, seems to want to firefight everytime there is a major episode and not sort out a long term strategy. Also as much as work are helpful i cant keep leaving to deal with panic attacks as the time off policy is supposed to be for emergencies.

I feel your pain. My mum suffers dreadfully with anxiety when she is 'off'. She lives alone with her dog but I am there everyday despite working and have a family of my own. 

Mum has recently been diagnosed with dementia as well and I don't think she should be living alone anymore. She refuses to consider a care home and I can't have her live with us. She has carer twice a day.

I don't know what to do. When she is off she doesn't have any capacity to make decisions, but when she is on she does so makes it extra hard. Her off periods are random and severe.

I am reaching the end of my tether with it all. Just want her to be happy and safe. 

I'm afraid my advice is limited as I struggle myself. She is lonely and dreads the nights and is worse now the dark evenings are upon us.  She will go to bed at 6.30 and then be awake in the middle of the night phoning me or emergency services as she has another panic attack. She weighs 7 stone now. She is 80 next year and I think about nothing else but how I can improve her life, but it is ruining ours and I feel so terribly guilty that I can't meet her needs. 

The PN has basically said there is little else they can do. She will just deteriorate and we have to learn to manage things but I can't cope. 

Sorry for not being any help and off loading. 


Hi Cas, 

Sorry you're finding it difficult to cope with your mum's care and it's causing so much stress.

Have you considered talking to one of our Helpline advisers on 0808 800 0303? They can offer some advice about support or a listening ear if you prefer that.

Best wishes,


Moderation Team

Hi Cas


I managed to get him to the GP in the end who prescribed anti-depressants. They had a massive effect as far as im concerned and managed to get him through a difficult time. In the meantime he was found on the floor of his flat by a neighbour after having frozen (common for him) whilst lying on the floor during a panic attack about something else and having wet and soiled himself etc. Taken into hospital and basically withered away on a high dependancy ward for 6 weeks through bad diagnosis (they were still treating it as a fall after 2 weeks, missed a UTI etc). Finally managed to get him discharged to the dementia wing of a really nice nursing home (he has had a diagnosis of the start of Parkinsons dementia) for an initial term of 4 weeks. His mobility is poor right now. He is angry at a lot of things and i can see him wanting to go home at the end of the 4 weeks which i see as impossible with dementia and poor mobility as he lives alone. I understand that things changed very quickly for him, however everything was leading up to this point. To be honest id like him to stay where he is indefinitely as he is a self funder and has no money worries. I don’t feel guilty about this as i can’t juggle everything and be on call for him 24/7(a round trip of 20 miles). Bet i’ll have a fight on my hands though!!

Let me know how you get on as your situation seems similar to mine. Try not to feel too guilty about trying to find care home for your mother, the way i see it everyone gets their shot at life and we shouldnt have to give up a significant part of ours after our parents have had theirs.