Dealing with the stress of husbands afffair


#1

Please can anyone help me. I found out two years ago that my husband had an affair with a work colleague and then continued with the friendship for 12 years. I am completely devastated but trying to save our marriage.

The problem is that he just cannot deal with my mood swings. I try to control them, but sometimes I feel positive about the future whilst other times I just cannot see a way through the betrayal. He says he loves me more than ever and realises what a complete fool he has been, he is full of remorse.

Please can anyone help??


#2

I am so sorry to hear of your distress.

I read your message, my understanding is your husband had an affair , then it was over and your husband and work colleague continued to be friends for 12 yrs?

The key issues for me is

He is still with you

He has expressed remorse

He acknowledges it was a mistake

If I have got it right he maintained a friendship with this woman for 12 yrs not the affair.

It is difficult to deal with people who are upset, in pain, depressed because you care for them and it hurts us to witness that.

There is nothing wrong with you for having mood swings it’s called being human and Parkinsons is a tough in to deal with.

Communication is good and healthy in a relationship so good to let others know how you really feel. Its hard for anyone to be everything for everybody. Partners give love and support but sometimes it maybe you need a professional support network, counselling just for you see your G.P Or phone the pd helpline. Its ok to get help from others the more fighters on your side the better.

None of this is your fault don’t forget that and enlist a bit of help/support. You deserve it.

Think about what you want, and get stronger first. Relationships can and do survive affairs, look after yourself no rash decisions

One step at a time.

You have a husband who tells you he loves you and he has made a mistake.

Talk to a professional life is never black or white…

Its about what and who you want by your side tomorrow and in your future. Answer that then think about how you are going to remain happy with that choice tomorrow and in the future.

Take your time oxfordgills, I am sending you cyber hugs and love.
Love and support is a powerful friend in the PD battle. xxx


#3

Thank you so much for your thoughts. You are correct that the affair started with friendship then developed before going bavk to friendship.

The trouble is that my husband was also my best friend and was the most reliable man you coukd wish to meet. I believe we hsd something special, so why did he betray me so badky. He feels like a stranger sometimes and just doesnt grasp that his deceit has left me feeling so alone.

He is niw smothering me with his remorse. I just cant forget what he has done. Its over two years since i found out and the pain is still just consuming me.

I have had counselling. Thanks again for your kind words.


#4

Would be worth resuming the therapy for both of you xx


#5

There are many reasons a partner may have an affair ( remember none of them are your fault. )

A diagnosis is a shock for both of you. Some people cope better than others, people also choose different coping strategies. Ones they may later regret.

I like BB would like to encourage you to have some more counselling for yourself as an individual and as a couple.

Take Care xx


#6

Hi Oxfordgills - I or we can understand how you feel at being let down by your spouse, as TeeHee said you have to take one step at a time. You still have strong feeling left inside of his deceit, so firstly you should make an appointment to speak to the therapist you spoke with before to hopefully get some peace of mind, then perhaps a joint appointment with your husband if you want to mend your marriage. At the end of the day it is the two of you together to make the final decision.

Our thoughts are with you in your fight to make the right decision for you yourself. take care - Sheila x


#7

Thanks for taking the time to respond. We will stay together i am sure. It is just so sad that what we had has been lost forever.

Noone is more sorry than my husband who regrets deeply what he has put us through. I guess we need to start again.


#8

So pleased you are staying together.
Yes, start again great idea.
He is still the same lovely good man who made a mistake and you are the lovely good woman who is trying to forgive him.
Xxx
Much love and happiness to you both xx


#9

Hope you will both be very happy and stay focused x :kissing_heart: