Depression


#1
Up until recently I have always managed to keep a fairly bullish, cheerful and optimistic outlook in spite of my PD. However, just lately I have been waking up in the morning and I think "what's the bl***y point? I'm just a useless cripple. What have I got to look forward to"? I sincerely hope these feelings will pass. Has anyone else suffered bouts of depression and if so what did they do to overcome them? I visit my elderly parents living in a nursing home and they never seem to do anything much but sit staring at the wall. It doesn't exactly fill me with confidence about my own future prospects. I have a wonderful, caring wife whom I could not manage without but even she seems to get increasingly impatient and frustrated with me. Who can blame her!

#2
hi cristo
sorry to hear you are feeling down - is it a worsening of your symptoms or just general downness?

#3
apologies for the invisibe'h'

#4
Hello Christo,

I suspect that most people have times when they find themselves thinking "what is the point" and those who dx with a degenerative, incurable illness perhaps more often than or more intensely than they did peviously, known as secondary depression.

I would say that my "down times" are anxiety rather than depression. The "what if's" rather than the the "if only's" or "why me's". I cannot tell you how to overcome these dark times - I would think that everybody has different things/ways that help.

Things that are frequently mentioned as increasing serotonin levels ( serotonin being a neurotransmitter thought to contribute to feelings of well-being and happiness) are regular excerise, a balanced diet, exposure to sunlight and availabilty of social support/social interaction. Therapies such as Cognitive Behaviour Therapy are considered to be beneficial, but very difficult to access. And of course there is the medication route.

What I can tell you that for me the following are of absolutely no help at all in lifting my mood:
Counting my blessings
Knowing that there are others far worse off than myself - physically, financially, socially, every which way.

For me what seems to work is distraction - making a call to a friend , not to pour out my troubles but just to chat. Doing a X-word puzzle, making an effort to do something, however small that give me a feeling of accomplishment.

(Just to add insult to injury, serotonin seems in humans to decrease the release of natural dopamine)

I hope that you find a way that suits you that helps you (and your wife) to get through these horrible times.

#5
Hi Christo and all,when first DX both my parents also were in a home .I had looked after them myself for X no of years.When i became ill and they had to go into a home I blamed myself. That's when I felt at my lowest.I kept the DX from them .I understand what you ar saying about visiting them.I think my turning point came when they passed,I was sent for rehabilitation after a faLL(why I don't know) and I had to sit in a room with people a lot older than myself . It wasn't that it bothered me so much,it was how the chairs were placed ,all in a row and facing each other. I sat there and i felt what it would be like being in a home.I could not cope with it.When I came home I had a real good talk to myself ,telling myself that i wasn't ready for that, and i could only help myself.I feel that I've pulled through and realise now it was all the stress. You probably don't realise it at the time. I'm sure if you look for the cause,which is not force to be your DX, and face it, you and your wife together,that black hole will disappear. Don't give up on your life. Angel4u

#6
Hi Christo,
Know exactly how you feel.** recent tattoo is there forever,it may be extreme to some.However,it is there forever,because Depression(Dysthymia),plus other psych problems are there forever and always have been.No matter how hard * try.
* really don,t give a f*** anymore.
Titan

#7
Dear Titan,
I hope that you know perfectly well that there are many people who care about you. It is there for the asking , not for the taking.
Goodness me Titan , that sounded nasty. It was not meant to be. I hope that you will appreciate (or perhaps commiserate) with the fact that I am in a great deal of physical pain. Not helped by my decision to paint the interior of the windows. (In Mayo? In October?) I made a complete pigs ear of it and used up far more white spirit than gloss paint. JTQ has locked the paint up in a place which he is confident that I will not find. Ha! He does not know AB's powers of deduction!

Seriously Titan, I sincerely wish you the very best in your quest for peace

#8
Hi christo

Depression is a terrible thing. Have suffered with the illness myself. And still feel down at times. We do not always recognise we have it. And whilst in that state of mind we can and do silly things.
If you have a loving wife be careful not to push her away. There is only so much they can understand and take.

Living with PD and taking the medication to help us is a challenge everyday. I hate the damn thing. It has ruined my life in ways I do not want to say. There are people to chat to if your struggling. Do you have a Parkinsons nurse?

take care love PB x

#9
Thanks for all your messages of sympathy and support. I think I am somewhat stressed out at the moment as we have the builders in working on an extension, what with having to cope with plumbers, electricians, roofers etc. This makes my symptoms worse and I get embarrased if the workmen see me start shaking. Nice brisk (brisk as I can) exercise helps. Yesterday I went swimmming, although I can't swim far any more it made me feel better. Also I have been undergoing tests for suspected prostate cancer, which fortunately are turning out to be negative.
I think I can get through this. Kick out the "black dog"

In the words of the song, I will survive.

#10
Christo
--------

like you I have some depression though more anxiety really.


I take 20mg ofcitaloparam(Anti-dep) a day to help my serotonin levels.

I did some cbt which is available on the nhs and found it useful but as it's concerned primarily with behaviour and not with cause i moved on to self funded
psychotherapy... I tried three different therapists before finding one that I was happy with. I feel it does me good.

If you have a medical condition is bit of a psychological trap, you need to talk
I think, you need to explore your feelings about this condition but not everybody
can handle it or has the patience and empathy to live with it… It must be difficult for your partner as well as you . The advantage of seeing an outsider
is you worry less about alienating them, if you feel like s--t you can say so
hopefully without fear of putting them off… It can help you come to terms
with what's going on.... And when you do talk to your partner about it or indeed
to people in general you will be more in control ... That's what I find anyway

other things are important too and some of them are in the other posts that you have received... One little thing that I have found of use is Dragon(voice recognition program) which I am using now.


I can't say I have fixed myself, I am still quite anxious but not as bad as I was
in the first year of diagnosis (it's 19 months now).

Hope this helps

Andy (Ojalahey) -

#11
I've been going along quite merrily thinking I'm doing ok, I've been diagnosed for 2 years. I am taking part in the 'tracking Parkinson's reasearch'. Yesterday, the day after the first session, it suddenly hit me worries about the medication I am taking (sinemet) and the possible side effects of this in 7 to 10 years of dyskinesia, which I dread. I have read in various places that people take the agonists first.
So I suddenly became very tearful. I feel that if I didn't have to take the tablets 3 times a day I could forget more about having Parkinson's and get on with things. I feel most of the time quite positive, but then having to really think about how I feel hit home. I was able to speak to my Parkinson's nurse who has reassured me. But one thing I do feel is that a more holistic approach to the causes of Parkinson's would be good. Before being made redundant I worked in teaching and found this, at times very stressful, not least some of the people I worked with. So I have found the forum very helpful in reading how other people feel.

#12
Thanks Ojalahey and Valerie. Certainly talking things through helps. Better than bottling up your feelings. I want to avoid antidepressants as I'm on enough pills as it is. Anyway, I don't think that what I have is the classic depression; more like stress and anxiety. Maybe meditation or yoga might help.

#13
Hello Valerie,


As you know my husband has had pd for thirty years and is still on sinemet 125's every hour now from 6am to 10pm, he did get dyskinsia but that was partly because when he was diagnosed people at that time were put on to too higher doses straight away.
Please try not to worry too much about years ahead but just keep alert to any changes to medication and symptoms and keep on top of it straight away with the pd nurse or doctor.
I and I expect many people who have lived with pd for fifteen years plus wonder how on earth we managed but we do, you just have to really but try make the best of life and don't let it dominate your life,while all the while keeping a good watch on what is happening to your body, also ask spouses and family members to assist you by telling you if they notice things like too much movement or spending etc.
When I say this I don't mean to make light of pd at all, i know only to well the difference it makes to peoples lives ours like everyone else's especially as my husband became very stubborn and determined which is probably why he is still here but it has made it very difficult for us as family, but just to show you that you will get through.
Music is a great way to lift your spirits and I think everyone is so busy we forget that we all need these lifts now and again. I went to a 60's music show last night which was excellent and certainly did the trick for me, I bought a DVD of the show to take to my husband on my next visit as it will help him too.
best wishes
vivian
Keep posting

#14
Christo, vivian, thanks for replying, yes I do feel positive, most of the time and I try not to pressurise myself. Music definitely helps and exercise. Thanks again