I am no expert on anything but life would be so much easier for you had the answers too what's really going on, is it PD or is it not and that is hard and with the time you've spent waiting for answers so unfair without them for you to do things in life, we all have aspirations and expectations in life, but with this illness or any illness we have limits, life isn't the same as it used too be and maybe we have too go down a gear or two in what we can do. or what people expect of us.
People ask me what am i doing such and such day or next week or the week after, the answer is i cant tell them or plan and i don't know until that day or hour comes along or what i'll be able too do when it gets here, if i cant do it that day or hour does it matter??, i have told them the score, they can accept it or not, but life is at my pace or the pace the illness decides now. you don't need too please others and your not a burden on them or us it is you who is suffering.
Concentrate on you Suzy being Well.
There are times in our lives when we need support from our loved ones and times when they need support from us. You need support at the moment and I am sure that your loved ones are happy to give it unconditionally.
Depression is a terrible illness, it puts you right at the edge of your tolerance level. I had clinical depression that started at age 19 and my GP told me I was too young to have it, that I had everything I could want and pull myself together. I felt like I was walking a tightrope over a black pit and madness was waiting for me to slip off. I got better when I accepted that it was an illness like any other that needed medication and time.
I agree with Sea Angler, not having an explanation or a diagnosis for what is happening to you is so difficult, the waiting and the anxiety is awful. I really feel for you and wish I could help you. I can only tell you what happened to me and can say that I recovered, I am a better person, I have a love of life that I never had before. Yes I have PD but at the moment I am active in making myself the best I can be with the set of symptoms I have.
Please try to understand that you are not a waste of space, you are a beautiful person who needs support at this time, you deserve it.