Disappointed in family

I am just retired and was diagnosed with yopd many years ago. I live alone
I have a son who is a consultant not too far away but i dont see much of him and he never tells me anything . For exampke he told me last night that he has apllied for and got a GP job in a totally different area, so he will be moving too.

Like most single mums i struggled to put him through grammar school and uni, then i was made redundant and suddenly went from a large salary to benefits and i had to move to a small flat
I just wish that he would ask me how i am occasionally, maybe help me a bit or just be more thoughtful. I feel alone , abandoned, and yet so very proud of him
I dont understand him or if its my fault
Today is his birthday and i haven’t to phonem just text him. And he hasnt yet decided what he is doing for easter. Never asked what i was doing

He was off work all last week apparently but he didnt tell me, he only lives an hour zway.

I feel like some sort of monster mother. Why doesnt he show me any sort of compassion?
I have no other family apart from a 99 year old father who i talk too but we live too far apart
What do i do? I feel sad

I’m so sorry that your son is neglecting you. I think you need to talk to him and make it clear how you feel.

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You are probably right . Hes hard to talk to though xxx
Thank you

We have 3 Sons, always thought we had a good relationship with them all…6 years ago our middle Son split up with his partner, they have a 9 year old child together. We have always provided childcare since Grandchild was 6 months old. We have him in school holidays and after school now 3 times/days a week…
Our Son met a new person 3 years ago and they have bought a house together and have an 18 month old child together( our only Grandaughter)…since the child was born the mother decided she did not want us to have any part in their life…her words were " I have my own family why would I want anything to do with you and shes been 100% spiteful towards us" We have never gone round unless we have been invited and she has always made a point of being out or upstairs so shes avoided us…
We continue to look after our Sons 1st child and because we do his new partner has turned our Son totally against us as she is jealous of our Sons ex partner whom we continue to be polite etc to due to our Grandson…our Son has a good relationship with his own Son and has his overnight 2 x a week…when we have our Grandson we drop him off to our Sons house…and our Son will not even open the door or say hello…our Grandson just walks in…we are not allowed any contact with our Grandaughter…my husband is the one with PD…8 weeks ago he had a stroke and had to have an operation and stay in hospital…our middle son and HER have made attempt to see him or ask how he is…our youngest Son lives in BVI and flew back to stay for a week as his Dad was ill and our middle Son refused see him or let him see his Neice( who he has not actually seen since she was born due to covid lockdowns)…it is heart breaking and we have no idea what we have done to deserve this treatment…our Son used to be such a loving Son and was always popping in to see us etc…
My husbands PD has definately got worse with the stress of it all…I have tried to speak to my Son and his partner to ask whats gone wrong and how can we put it right especially after my husbands stroke and PD?
The reply from her was " you are not my family so I owe you nothing" his reply was " Dont try to blackmail me"…

We now just have to wait and suffer the pain of it all…sometimes I do not think our children realise the hurt they cause…

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Oh my goodness. How awful fot you. My heart goes out to you.
You are right they dont realise the immense hurt they cause, we are the ones who probably love them the most but they cant see that.
I have another son too, not seen him for many many years and he has a grandson who is now 18 , never met him.
Sending love and hugs xxxx
And yes stress makes our PD go haywire

Hi @starlet,

My thoughts go out to you; it’s very obvious that your son doesn’t realise how hurtful his actions are to you. As you’ve already seen, we have a lovely community of people here on the forum who I hope will continue to make you feel less alone.

It may help if both your sons fully understood the impact Parkinson’s has on your health and we have information on how to approach this type of conversation via our website which you can find here.

Best wishes,

Hi I can definitely identify with what you are going through. I am going through something similar. After the 2nd child my daughter and partner cut everyone off including her brother and her partners family including his sister. All the family, her uncles etc. whom she was close to. My daughter doesn’t get on with her father but quite willing to take money off of him amongst other things. She knows I have Parkinson’s which was diagnosed before her first child being born. Altogether she has 3 children.The thing is now although I would dearly love to be part of their lives my PD is changing a bit and it causes some stress and anxiety.
I hope there will be a better outcome for all of us in this situation.

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I know what you are going through. Sadly. Yes i wish for better things for both of us