Do we need a dark humour thread?

how you keeping eck?
better than my jokes i hope, most (?) of them have been carted of the stage with concussion.
Hi Tumsh, been better, still a full fortnight behind the rest of the planet, but nothing new there.

So what was the outcome?
Went quite well till we ran out of bad jokes. Tootsie was a revelation, a rich seam of political incorrectness. Like so many things, hard to keep it up over time. But if anyone needs to post the unpostable there is somewhere to post it now.

Since the rest of the world is heading for hell in a handcart,perhaps being two weeks behind is an advantage.

Hope the mobility is improved.

Wife was going to make a vegetarian haggis from beans called a Shaggis (sham haggis) but alas it did not eventuate.

Somehow it is wet and cold in australia in january. how is beyond me. mrs t and i seem to have our own microclimate of miserable weather.

but did see an enormous kangaroo bounced through the university. they move at an incredible speed and can change direction with each leap. you want to get out of its way if its heading toward you. bit like a cow on a pogo stick.
Shaggis - that sounds lovely.

My mobility is shot to hell. I've been told I've reached the end of my drugs therapy and surgery is next on the agenda.

I'm using a three wheeler thing, which is lovely, no really, it is.

My Mobster-In-Law has taken to remind me to use it when I go out. She also shouts out "Are you OK?" at every bump or laying down of a cup. When I am walking she'll cry out "Lift Your Feet". Despite my sarcastic comments along the lines that I hadn't thought of that she persists.

She's also decided to keep a check on my trips to the toilet. Shouting at the toilet door "Are you OK?". My niece had come to visit and she sent her to the door "Uncle Eck? Are You OK?". It's driving me mental.
there have been lots of people done well with surgery (presumably DBS).

I'd be very upset if my mother in law spoke to me like that - she's been dead for ten years.
She was a below average medium (4ft11). 'Either you believe Beethoven speaks through me or you think I'm mad.' OK, now ask me a hard one.
She tried finding someone on the other side.
'I see a man with a watch.'
There's a shot in the dark.
'No I don't know anyone who had a watch.' We came from a very poor background. My dad had to stand in the garden on sunny mornings to be the family sundial.
Her last words to me were in front of the Air Andes desk 'Are you sure this the right queue for Heathrow?'
I'm sure she really got more out of her six years with the shining path than she let on.

I'm going to renew my monstrosity-out-law's passport.

OMG its stopped snoring and has started stirring!
I wanted to do something nice so I bought my Mother-In-Law a chair. Now they won't let me plug it in.

What is the ideal weight for a Mother-In-Law?
About 2.3 ib including the urn.

What do you do if you miss your Mother-In-Law?
Reload and try again

My Mother-In-Law is a big woman. She got run over last week. The driver said he had enough room to get around her but he didn't know if he had enough petrol.
Im so lucky my M in L is so open and tender like a cold soar
drinks her own bath water and was kicked of the ss for being too mean
Honestly she is great but keeps asking if Im ok but never waits for me to answer or asks is He all right
At least Im safe in the knowledge she wont read this as she is defending her title at this weekend north of England
mud wrestling final :fearful:
.. and the 2012 Les Dawson memorial award goes to....
the spirit of Les comes through from t'other sayde (he's on holiday in Shipley) -

- ahd joost like to say, all this years entries have been magnificent...
but they weren't.
So the best of a miserable bunch goes to... no Ezinda don't [the rest of this thread has been semt to gender issues re-programming]
I made a Freudian slip the other day.

We were having dinner and instead of asking her to pass the salt I yelled,
Hi Turnip and friends joost (what the xxxx does that mean} to let you know
Les is not ont other side or in Shipley He is on a job share thing with Elvis they have booth served
me at Barnsdale Bar services A1 South
sounds like you had the sausage roll from the back of the food warmer.
you should write a book. or at least the PUK guide to m-in-Ls.

have you been to the dark humour thread? left a little link there, good review from Tootsie, if being nominated for the holy see is a positive. dissapeared of the latest activity very quickly. thought you lot had suitably vulgar minds to enjoy it.