A couple of tricks
a fish supper and a glass bottle of irn Bru (750ml, full fat)
(that's a pop-a-point method, squeeze one in,squeeze one out)
Scots porage oats
both chased down with a pint of vimto
on the throne
rocking backwards and forwards and side to side, try full circles
bend forward, breathe out til breath depleted, then cough
Repeat as necessary to get started.
once started sit up halfway, breathe in, imagine the abdomen expanding, pushing the poo out, exhale while doing little coughs, or puff out like they tell them on midwife.
sit up fully thereby engaging the nipsy sphincter
give yourself a round of applause for a jobbie well done, nobody else will appreciates you've been in labour for however many hours.
in fact, emerging from the boggeteriw having just dropped the kids off at the pool, all hot and sweaty, can cause you to get some funny looks. Tell them to go blow it out their ass
everythiing after this should be tackled gingerly.
Forgot your hot water and towels?