Drifting along


#1

Well, here I am, 7 weeks into diagnosis.  Taking some PD meds, and half an antidepressant each nite.  I am trying to explain how I feel.  I feel like I am drifting through each day, have had a bad throat etc. last few days, but that aside, emotionally/mentally am deeply troubled.  It was a relief to be diagnosed, but I feel like I cant be bothered to do anything each day, I am stuggling to be emotionally engaged with my husband, he expresses love for me and is v supportive, but I dont seem to care, its like I am in a bad dream that I am in and no way to get out.  I find it difficult to return his affections any more, I have been feeling lost for years...and it seems I still feel that way.  Intellectually I know I need to get on and not waste a day, but apathy and sadness are overwhelming.  I find I am constantly looking up info re PD.   I have always been one to do the research thing, but here at home, decorating, housework, etc. waiting to be done, but just dont have the heart!  I feel tired all the time and yet I have had lots of rest.  The meds have helped tremor in hand, but am gaining weight and think when I see GP this week, I will be asking to stop Mirtazapine, as I have read it effects Cholesterol and I have had probs with that in the past, I wonder if the anti-d's are making me drift and have no feelings.  Going to support group at weekend, first visit, did have a lovely chat last week with a lady volunteer from this site who has had PD for a while.  Despite that, I have my counselling session tmw and wonder whether I should continue or what.  I was having my meltdowns, emotionally and getting v upset and sad, the Mirtazapine has stopped much of that, but I am here undressed, unwashed, tired, and feeling like I want to go back in time.  Miss my grown children who all live a long way from me,  Its as if the better part of my life story has been and gone!  Does anyone identify with any of those thoughts and feelings??  It seems that the last 7-8 years have been strewn with depression, trauma, counselling on and off/anti-d's here and there, where am I???


#2

Numbness and grief.....


#3

Hi Het

Im newly diagnosed same as you with simptoms as you I guess I can track them back about 4 years ,

I to felt relieved when I was first told it was pd and went into over drive finding all I could about it and what lay ahead for me. Then I found this site and read about other peoples story's n views all of which in some way mached my own ,the main thing that I have found usefull and common to all is a sense of humor and a love of life ,my own take on things are to get into a routine things you have to do each day ( get up take meds shower eat ) that sort of thing , it help me on the days when I don't have the energy to do them , Thayer routine so I do them no mater what it gets me started , other stuff follows on once your moving and doing.

I to am lucky like you in that my partner is supportive and loving  and hay if she can still love me with all my problems and moods then I guess I can love my self also  , it's my partners life that's had to change as well so I make sure I let her know what's going on how I feel and most of all that I love her ,a cuddle or a hug can often do more than all the meds I take n lets her know I care,

I don't have all the answers , I don't even have all the questions yet but I do know that if you look in the right places ( to family friends and this group ) you will find the most important things     Hope love and support.

I do hope you find your way through these dark times and if I can help in any way please ask.

Take care n live well 

Cc


#4

As far as I know the apathy can be directly down to low dopamine levels.  Prior to PD  dx. I could sit and do absolutely nothing for hours and hours .  You may know the saying  -  sounds better in mummerset accent       -  "Sometimes I sits and thinks and sometimes I just sits"

I had a similar experience and was prescribed antidepressants which worked well prior to being dx with low thyroid levels   Its like your starter motor has packed up.

I'm not sure about anti- depressants for PD apathy .   Hopefully you will start to feel more positive with time. I was put on sinemet and the effect on symptoms was almost immediate but the mental iimprovement took longer.

Of course, grieving for the future you may feel you have lost is perfectly natural

 

Best wishes .