I’m an exhausted carer for my husband who was diagnosed with YOPD 10 years ago.
To cut a long story short, we would separate if finances would allow it. It’s not just the physical symptoms which are hard, but I can no longer take the emotional and verbal abuse. The house is a prison and he’s so paranoid he has been known to hire private investigators to check up on me if I ever go out, which is rarely. He constantly checks my phone and computer, and last time I went for a night out (nearly a year ago) I got called a ‘tart’ and got so much flak for it it just isn’t worth it. If I’m gone for more than a few hours he will most likely call an ambulance. He’s called the police before to tell them I’ve been neglecting him, which is untrue.
He becomes abusive if I don’t help him enough. It feels like his mental capacity is impaired because he is so unreasonable but of course no-one else sees this apart from me. Financially I am trapped - all of our joint debts are in my sole name because his credit rating is so bad and of course I am unable to work because I’m stuck at home looking after him. I’m younger than him and everything is in his name.
He didn’t qualify for Personal Independent Payments, and therefore I don’t qualify for a carer’s allowance. He receives money from an insurance policy, however, he’s in the middle of a very long and expensive legal case so all the spare money goes towards that.
I feel like I’ve fallen through the cracks in the system. Apparently he can live independently but I can’t leave the house for more than a few hours, so a strange definition of independence. It would be nice to have some money for myself that I can put towards easing the financial burden that’s all in my name, and it might make me more able to leave in the future.
Lawyers have told me I would get pretty much nothing in a divorce because his needs are greater than mine and I haven’t had kids. No consideration for the fact that my life and earning capacity is diminished because I’ve been looking after him for so long.
The council were supposed to be providing me with some money for respite care, but it’s been months now and they’ve stopped talking to me even though it was all agreed.
I’m not sure how much longer I can carry on like this for, or if anyone knows of any other benefits I might be entitled to for care or respite care.