Family torn apart


#1
Hi
new to this forum and must tell you my Wife's mother who is a great Lady and has always been great to the Family (every one)and to be honest she has been as good as it possibly gets over the years
with help in every way Money/cooking/helping

the bad news is that about 12 yrs ago she was diagnosed with PD - she lives in her own Flat near where me and my wife live 1/2 mile here other daughter lives 5 miles away and the other Son lives 90 miles away

the Son has never lifted a finger to help in any way granted he lives a long way from her but his Lack of help has led to some pretty heated arguments

the sister from 5 miles has basically done next to nothing bar bring the odd pint of milk and had her at her house for the odd night

my wife has done 99.9% of her needs running round waiting on her Mother hand and foot for the last 10yrs
and the strain is really showing on my wife.. Her Mum has worsened considerably in the last 12 months being hardly mobile no longer gets dressed staying in her nightware all the time and has become very aggressive towards my wife

it all came to a head about 8 weeks ago when Mother in Law fell badly breaking her arm in 3 places and needed to be straightened live using an x ray machine to straighten the bones back into position
but the day of the accident she had fallen over at home and could not get up so she was stuck sat on the floor with a badly broken arm on her own
daughter phones me up at Work with a client some 40 miles away telling me mum in law is on the floor at home and hurt her arm and cannot get up

and can me or my wife go and sort her out!!!!
must add my wife was at work in Surgery at the time and impossible to contact - yet sister at home 5 miles away cannot go because in her words (I have had a drink) so cannot drive

so in a nutshell I have to forfeit my work and drive home and spend the next 16 hours going round two hospitals hours with her - then my wife spent 4 days sleeping at her house with her - as she was totally immobile with the arm situation

I do my best with my Mother in Law taking her out and milk papers Dentist Library books are what I consider my 'chores' towards her my wife does everything else with the phone ringing 6 times a day with mum demanding I want my bottle of milk NOW and she gets very heated and boils over into uncontrollable sobbing
which in turn is very upsetting to both me and my wife and have come to the conclusion that they (other two children)just dont care at all

must also add that Mum falls all the time and is now 98% bedridden and is very Lonely and getting very paranoid ringing up saying people are breaking in to her house all the time (they are not)

plus my wife has got to the stage where she longer wants to talk to her brother and sister for there lack of doing anything - and what really hurts is Mum seems to side with the other two who do absolutely nothing
my poor wife is near having a breakdown with the strain of what is going on

my Mum in Law is 77yrs old and all 3 of the children are in there 50's but I kid you not if - I had not of gone home the 40 miles they would of left her there on the floor with a broken arm
sadly my Mum in Law has no quality of life any more and two of her children dont care - very unfair on my wife and Mum in Law
sorry for such a long rant but feeling for the above two people

#2
your rant sounds very reasonable. from what you say, your m-i-l would benefit from being in a good care home - better than lying around in her own house with broken bones!

#3
Hi Togger. All too familiar story with families I am afraid :(. I think you all need help your wife Mother in law and yourself. Have you been in touch with her doctor or social services and ask them to help. Sometimes we have to swallow our pride and let others take the strain for a while. Please don't think you are on your own there is always someone to talk to if you need :)

#4
Hello Togger
I have recently registered as a carer for my OH and was sent some carer`s info and an offer of advice and assistance. I registered at the local doctors` surgery.
Apart from direct help for you and your wife they may be able to help you explain to your brother and sister in law the options for you all.
The best solution for mother in law and for you all may be a care home. This is most definitely not failing MiL but looking for the best solution to her problems.
Take care of your and your wife`s health above all. You can`t help anyone if you are ill yourselves.
Good luck and best wishes
Hatknitter

#5
Thanks for responding...
When she broke her arm the doctor had the social services people come in to make her breakfast each day and help out which was great for the few weeks it Lasted (6 weeks) but now the pot has come off we seem to be back to square one with us two doing all the work and the other two doing zero

the trouble is she will not hear of it (going in a care home) she gets extremely upset if we even mention it
yet we all know she would be far better off than her current situation - which is basically housebound and bed ridden although she does get out of bed to watch a bit of Tv

I dont know what the answer is but the only thing I do know for sure the whole scenario is destroying me and my wife's relationships with her immediate family

I guess we just carry on and see how things pan out

#6
I also am struggling to look after my mother with Dementia. She refuses to go into a home even for respite. I have 3 brothers who do very little.
I have Parkinson's and that is making it impossible to cope. My brothers do not understand why I am struggling. We have carers in but there is still a lot to do.
I have enough to do looking after myself.

#7

The good news, mum is happily settled in a care home. She says she likes the company.

She had a fall and ended up in hospital. The hospital said 24hr care was needed.

 


#8

I'm glad she's settled and much happier.  Hope you and your wife can enjoy Christmas with some comfort :)


#9

My mum has pd and has for a number of years and as the disease progresses it is taking its toll on our family as a unit my father is her main carer and is in ill health himself he's not coping myself and my brother give him support but we live away from our parents now and have our own life's and are being made to feel guilty for not helping enough with mum,we feel we don't know what to do anymore!!!!any advice please