Father in Law with Parkinsons


#1
Hi All.

New(ish) to the forum, having "lurked" for a while.

My father in law (FIL for short) was diagnosed with Parkinsons some years ago,before I met my husband and had to take early retirement due to it. His partner of 20 years has recently passed away from Cancer, taking everyone by surprise as she was only 58 and diagnosed in June this year.

Everyone had always assumed that he would be the first to go, and that his partner would outlast him - in fact wills were made only last year that pretty much expected this to be the case (fortunately the other eventuality was covered!)

Anyway, my FIL has struggled with the changes he's going through, and was suffering from depression even before we found out about his partner's cancer. He was and still is drinking heavily. Its also dubious that he takes his medication on time.

Lately he has said that he's had problems getting up off the couch or bed, and has to roll himself out. I'm not sure whether this is the disease progression or the affect drinking and missing tablets could be having. I doubt very much when he visits the consultant that he will confess to how things really are in terms of those two things.

Can I contact the consultant as a concerned family member in confidence (I imagine he wouldn't take kindly to interference!)


Secondly (from being a lurker this is quite a long one - thanks for sticking with me so far...)

My husband has suggested that maybe we should move in with his Dad. Practicalities are that the house itself is ideal, having a garden and plenty of room for us and the kids. This is also so that he can spend more time with the grand kids (this seems to really give him something to look forward to and get moving during the day) and that he would have company and share the running of the house. Also giving us time together a lot more before the disease progresses.

My worry with this, aside from whether this is something his Dad wants, is coping with the progression, and the affects on the people that live with it. In my heart I do think its the right thing to do and would hopefully help with the drinking and tablet taking when we're around (we work during the day) but its still scary wondering how we'd cope. I also worry that my FIL will decide no, simply so that he doesn't become a burden on us when we want to help and be there for him.

Any advice / comments / Guidance gratefully received.

Thank you

#2
Hello LJ and welcome to the forum.

I can see you are in the horns of a dilemma, I believe this is something you and FIL will need to talk over.....difficult one.

I wish you and yours all the best.

Radz x

#3
Thank you..

Its a tough one as he's not really wanting to discuss anything. Made worse by the fact my mother in law (divorced 20 years ago and only began talking again back in 2008 just before their first grandchild was born!) seems to be there all the time cleaning and keeping him company so no real chance of pushing any type of discussion. yet anyway!