Hello…a question to you all please…
My Husband is taking severence pay due to his PD and finishes work on Friday. He is 62 so early finishing…
He is gutted it has come to this as he loves the banter with his colleagues and the routine of work…unfortunately his PD has scuppered any chance of working till he is retirement age. He works outside and has a very manual job which he is struggling with,the winter months are the hardest. It was a hard decision to leave but we had to think long term and this offer from work may not come up again…
So…we both know it is for the best long term health wise so why do I feel like the stuffings been knocked out of us both? I am still working and will continue to do…BUT I am now worried about the future more…we have plodded along since his diagnoisis now suddenly its like PD has finally got its grip on us…and our future is looking so very different from what we had planned…physically,emotionally and financially…is it normal to feel like this? I had a melt down at work yesterday when a member of staff starting complaing about her long working hours( her choice by the way) and I burst into tears…the icing on the cake😪…is this normal to feel like this? Sorry for the long post…
Hello…a question to you all please…
Hello Babesbrown. Welcome to the club - and sorry to hear of what you’re going through. Parkinson’s can turn your life upside down - it can have a massive effect on you - on your daily routines on how your future develops (and how you view your future developing). It is only natural to feel stressed - and exhausted, You need to realise that you are stressed and take charge, as much as possible, of the situation (avoiding melt downs), rather than let it take charge of you. I hope this helps - wishing you all the best
Thankyou for responding to my post…have a good day.
It sounds entirely normal to me, and I’m sorry you are having to go through all this. From what I can read between the lines, it sounds like a bad case of lossofcontrollitis, a condition that afflicts most people who have undergone a significant change, whether chosen or otherwise. It brings so much loss in its wake, even when the change is sought or chosen, and one cannot help but grieve for all that has gone , not just what you used to have, but what would have happened in future ( all that you hoped and planned for) but is now lost to you also.
It is a lot to come to terms with, and fears about how your lives are now going to pan out make it even harder. I’m inclined to suggest that you don’t look too far ahead, except insofar as is absolutely necessary, not least of all because actually the future in unknown and may turn out to be a very different place to what we had expected.
A new normality will gradually develop and although things won’t be the same as before, you may find that the differences are both manageable and there may be new opportunities as a result of the change.
And finally ( sorry for going on a bit…if you are even still reading this!), as with so much in life, the way we see it makes a huge difference, as does the meaning we give our experiences ( if any), and I do believe that we can adopt a more positive mindset even in the face of challenges. Not that I always manage that by any means, but it does help when I do, and sometimes there is little else one can do.
But it is tough, so please go easy on yourself, and don’t expect many people who are not in a similar situation to understand what you are going through or why you feel that he way you do.
Thankyou Pippa for your advice x
Hello Babesbrown, yes it is entirely normal to feel as you do. Regardless of PD, taking retirement for any number of reasons is a huge decision and it is an unwelcome reminder that we are growing older too. My husband retired at 61 as he began to find things too stressful while I continued working for another 5 years full time and part time thereafter. A decade on we have both adjusted to being retired folk, enjoy life and wonder how we ever found time to work.
But I do understand how it feels to “have the stuffing knocked out of you” as you say, and felt it again last year when out of the blue I also developed potentially serious health problems, thankfully now under control. Be kind to yourselves would be my advice, life does change but not necessarily for the worst so take it one step at a time. And don’t feel too badly about your meltdown, it is an emotional time and personally I feel it sometimes helps to have a good cry - plenty of good science backing that up too!
Virtual hugs coming you way.
Thankyou…at least I know how I feel is normal…x
I was diagnosed aged 55 with PD. I worked in a very busy college - and had a job where I was on my feet most of the day. I upped my medication to help me cope with the stress and the pure physical strength needed to be so active all day.
I finally decided to retire aged 61 last September. I was so reluctant as I was highly regarded and basically loved the buzz of working in a busy environment. I also loved the constant interaction with students. It was becoming so hard to hide my PD that I decided it was really time to retire.
Well - wish I had retired earlier! I probably don’t need half the amount of Sinemet I used to take. I get lots of sleep and feel and look 100% better. Financially I am good, and appreciate this is a problem if it is hard to manage.
I hope your husband can concentrate on his well being, and see retirement as a time to rest and relax. Life is too short to work it all away. I am so lucky to have grandchildren now, and this had given me plenty to do - but it is nice to just potter.
Best wishes to you - take care.
Hi Babesbrown. I can only echo the positives mentioned by all the previous respondents. Have you thought of joining your local Parkinson’s branch and seeing what they offer in terms of classes or social opportunities to replace that side of the working situation? You’ll find people who have various experiences of living with PD and that can be very comforting and helpful. Good luck for the future.
Thanks for that reply, Pippa.
This is not my thread, but I was touched by your thoughtful response and thought it deserved my appreciation.
So thank you.
Remember your husband can give you his tax allowance, i did this with my wife and we received money your Parkinson’s support worker will be able to tell you what you can claim every thing helps, also look into your council tax as some regions you become exempt as Parkinson’s is classed mental illness, all helps
That is kind of you to say so. Thanks.
Try to be positive and think of it as an opportunity to make changes to your life.My hubby took voluntary severance I cut my hours so we could spend time together doing things we wanted to do whilst we were still able to do and enjoy them. We ran a ski chalet in France for 3 winters for £50 a week each skiing every day for 5 months each winter. We cycled across France, downsized house and bought a holiday home in Spain.Boy are we glad we did. We have had and are still having a wonderful retirement no state pension for years but we managed by cutting our cloth accordingly.If we had waited till retirement age (Baz was diagnosed at 62 but had been getting symptoms years B4 ) we would have missed out on all the things we were able to do.
We now spend time in Spain over the winter which has definitely slowed the PD progression. Being able to regularly play tennis,cycle,mountain walk, ski,living outdoors and socialising doesn’t allow time for the PD to take over.
Don’t forget Retirement alone is scary and takes time to adjust to.Its the BEGINNING of the next chapter in your lives take each day as it comes live it as if it’s the last and enjoy!
Hi i am new here. My husband had had parkinsons for nearly 5 years, hecwent to the shop 3 weeks ago and fell over, he spent a week in hispital and 2 in reabilitation. I workmfull time i am a TA in a primary school.
But it looks like i will have to give up and become his full time carer. I really love my job but i dont think he will cope on his own. I could ask for flexible working but that still leaves him on his own he is 68mand i am 64 its only 17 months till i retire help i dont know what to do. Is anyone else in the same boat
Hi Rockets! A very warm welcome to the forum!
It sounds like things are really tough for you and your husband at the moment, and we wanted to let you know that our helpline are here to support you. They can be reached on 0808 800 0303 and will happily talk you through options and the support for day to day living and next steps for the future.
Tom A, Moderation Team.