Fighting Back with humour: banjo-boy

`Banjo-boy:V1FIGHTING BACK :smile: Having a sense of HUMOUR

Fighting back with PD : don’t let them grind you down!

Hi, I’ve had Parkinson’s Disease for around 8 years and rising… I still find plenty of humour in everyday life and moments to cherish. I will not let PD take this away from me! In this spirit I offer the irreverent views below.

I hope you share my sense of humour,- feel free to add your own. If you are having a bad day I’m truly sorry and if you are ‘not amused ‘ please note this is a form of catharsis for me. I hope we can raise a titter , or even a laugh - after all it’s better than crying and it’s free on the NHS. Good luck.

Kitchen dangers:

“Hands up! “ (once a teacher…) While you have it all in hand so to speak ,do examine them for the marks and scars of a true veteran of the kitchen for which no Michelin stars are awarded.

What’s my problem? Well, those tins and jars and irresponsible packages that are meant to keep food safe and fresh -but have a habit of rebounding on us causing injury.

Perhaps the H&S rep was on furlough that week, or s/he may have been injured during a particularly nasty wrestle with a tin of tuna leaving a pool of fish and oil all over the worktop. Messy,!

In my top ten is ‘The Lethal ring pull can- peaches extreme. ‘

So you have a peach can to hand and it’s your turn to open it, what do you do? First you try to attack a slither of the ring -using finger nails cloth,a knife or whatever-against somewhat puffy digits and PD sapping your strength ?

Well done first step but don’t be complacent -lay flat -the can not you-and slowly pull around the circumference of the can: this could be fatal at any time so go slow!

When in the groove , almost round , a decision to be made-do you bend over the lid and spoon out the delicious contents, or for risk takers continue until the metal snaps and you are possibly thrown backwards avoiding serious injury and some spillage on the work top.

Proudly, buoyed by this success. “I’ve sorted out the peaches, love …what next? “…given you are steadily approaching bed time by now, this offer may be declined!!

A question: what kinda idiot was paid to put users of these cans in harm’s way and why has no one thought to change it? ,after all the bods at 57 have cracked it for a long while,? What’s wrong with the old tin opener anyway?

Apart from cans my next aggravating favourite is VACUUM wrapped meat or fish ! Yes I can almost hear a collective sigh of agreement and relief that we can share experiences with old Jim Bowie and his skills with his knife.

You task : to extricate,succulent meat from the wrapper, ‘simples’ -“you may think again. Try as you might using a combination of knife , scissors fork and spoon it’s like getting into Fort Knox .!!

Like a military campaign you attack from all sides,cutting deep or shallow, Taking your weapons in order cutting a piece at a time at

last, we think it’s all over. The contents make a “sploggy sound and there is an oozing of product, …then it stops! The knife becomes wedged -a draw so far! In a moment of frustration the knife becomes possessed by the spirit ofNorman Bates and he starts to stab the inanimate plastic lump,making it unappetising by the minute. Yuck!

Perhaps the worst culprit is the fish. No self respecting mackerel having spent its life evading the sharks and predators -and the french! -one will have one last throw of the dice, as it deflects the blade towards the nether regions ‘ouch’ (near miss)and sends a stark warning - if you don’t want to sing soprano- slow down call it a draw and serve it a out, gently… Besides, at the of the day you’ll eat him!l Game over.

Bedtime Antics

No it’s not what you think -don’t even go there! Maybe a treat for the future

. Are you sitting or better lying on the bed? I’m assuming you will have met with some issues getting on and off - if not you are blessed.

Have beds gained height, are mattresses moving on the slats, are covers shiny and slippery-you get my drift?

Well done if following the spirit of Captain Scott you reached the summit without incident. If not don’t despair , I have a solution.

Stand by the top of of the bed facing the pillows,top coverings peeled back, are you ready? (I warn you this approach is based on Newton,s Law of Motion, centrifugal force and all that. ) Ready?

Think yourself twisting ,add the swinging arms anti-clock wise ,visualise that lovely sleep that awaits you -and swing and jump at the same time aiming to pull over the peeled back sheets and lock in your body.

I realise this may not suit everyone. Do contact your GP and be prepared for a visit to A&E if all goes wrong!

Over-rotation is quite common. The battle with the ‘Swerving Dervishes’ and corporal Jones comes to mind -keep it under control. “Don’t Panic” Obviously ,practice makes perfect and there are number of spinoffs (sorry) you can try depending on your shape and size. Incorrect style may result in an equal and opposite reaction. Use your imagination! Try explaining this to the attending paramedic .

Good luck!

Thanks for reading, l hope that something rings a bell and raises at least a titter. Everything I write is from personal experience and I hope you will give us some poetic licence. Keep strong , keep moving, keep fighting.-and keep your sense of humour!!

Banjo boy:V1

Sent from my iPad

This so made my bad Parkinsons day into Laugh Yep done all this got the t shirt mind you i have always tried to keep my humour and i like you refuse to cower to this disease.
The part i used to hate is having to explain to shop assitants i cant pack a bag due to my parkinsons as i freeze and the quoue is out past the door The look on the assitance face ive been asked wheres my guide dog?(as if he could pack my shopping). But the best reply i had once after explaining my symptoms to a Vicky type counter assistance girl was she then said if you have Parkinsons how do you know yoour way home??to which i quickly replied and you are ive paid have i oh thanks to which she sorted me as quick as she could and apologized!!! made my day Ive sussed it out now take a walking stick as that qualifies you for bag packing :grinning_face_with_smiling_eyes: or a guide dog who can pack your shopping :service_dog:

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Everything you said made me giggle and say thats me in the kitchen with simple tasks taking forever to open a simple can, folding clothes is another fight that Ive lost many a time throwing clothes into the wardrobe any old how not being able to do the simplest chores. But youve got to laugh or you would cry. I was in a KFC once and I had a bad tremor arms legs everything going , and a young lad said to me " I can see you love dancing " I just smiled at him but my youngest daughter gave him a dirty look and said shes got parkinsons and the lad said I like him too which made my daughter look at him in despair for the lads lack of knowledge , I just giggled !!

Thanks for your reply Dave, am working on some new ideas…

Banjo-boy Final

Laugh don’t cry series 1

( **Bedroom Antics): 12V1

As promised in an earlier piece this is an irreverent look at PD and some of the practical difficulties it throws up.

Before we start I’m a bit annoyed with my ‘tablet’ -the writing notepad type-not the ones we swallow! It is so sensitive that touching the screen inadvertently in almost any position leads to unwanted text and a start back to square one! I have been in virtual contact with the king of Siam, the ‘Mira Clel and the very important Personal Dept ! Sounds like a plot by the Russians or Chinese or just bad design! There must be a widget,or a doodle or a what to help this?

Of course there will be folk for whom just looking at a screen would be a minor miracle let alone writing some text- good luck steady hands and perseverance to you.

Sorry, if the sub title has lead you to certain expectations (naughty you!) but this is a tease and hopefully of some practical value.

Getting in and out of most beds can be exhausting! There is a certain irony about this as we seek refuge in the very place we may find challenging. Beds, like people, differ in shape, size, height, materials used and mattress factors. It’s no wonder that at times we feel like a stranded whale unable to move in any direction - but without the help of those kind bods from Green Peace. My mattress is on slats great fun if you wish to move in your sleep like a dreamy rollercoaster but on waking up you may find you are a bit nearer the edge than you envisaged!! Gravity is always ready to complete the job.

After ages you can be back at square one -or less -adding frustration and tiredness to the pot! .

How can we try to break the circle :a few ideas.

First, whatever you do a bit of forward planning should help and do slow down! Next get on the mattress in whatever way you feel capable-or see my previous piece on this , and then the fun begins.:

To move left/right a combination of moving knees together and a body roll Inch by inch you should make some progress—good luck!

A technique to master involves from lying flat then using your arms or elbows up and down and on spot -like doing inverted push ups -see If your can pull your body upwards and shuffle along. BUT this is hard to do as it relies on your relative. strength -to weight ratio (don’t you just love a formula?)

As an alternative - before young master Fosbbury Flopped -all those years ago -showing how you can use your old scissor action kicks like a mixture of modern day Karate Kid and Kung foo Panda!
Hopefully you can adjust your centre of balance this way and reach success .

Warning; use your kicks carefully as you may scare the pets, as well as the spouse and they may start kicking back!

I don’t want to be a killjoy but like most people you may have pulled out all the stops and exhausted yourself and you found a warm and snug position to unwind when after a while (a) the mattress develops an uncomfortable dip (b) your legs get restless, and of course (c) you need the loo !!!

You can fill in d yourself……

You may be a person for whom sleep is a constant battle (most/all?) and for whom the sheep cannot be found let alone counted,… Why not write down some thoughts of your own?

Hope we are on the same wavelength. Please add anything to the Forum you like. Cheers. Banjo-boy :+1:

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Banjo-boyFinal.docx (108.6 KB)

Hi loving the ‘keep strong,keep moving, keep fighting’