Friend with Parkinson's


#1

Hi there,

This is the first time I’ve used anything like this but just want some advice on the situation or for someone to understand. I am scared for my teacher, for what he is going through and what could happen to him. He’s not just my teacher, but my friend too and I’ve known him for many years. He has Parkinson’s and has done for about 6 years now, and I worry about him every single day. I worry about his mental state, I worry about his physical state and also about things like him driving. I don’t want him to suffer or be in pain, he says that he’s not but he might just be saying that to not worry me. I want to help him but there’s not much I can do. I feel useless, there’s no cure for it, he takes pills to try and control it, I raised over £1000 for Parkinson’s UK but I still don’t feel any good because I know it’s not helping the one person I care most about who suffers with it. I know it sounds selfish as it is helping others, and I am proud of that, but I want to help him. He’s done so much for me, and I don’t want to lose him. He’s gone through a lot in his life, and being diagnosed with Parkinson’s has just blown his world apart again. I want to ask him how he is truthfully, and whether he is coping with it. Because I have seen what people have gone through with Parkinson’s. Robin Williams made a career out of making people laugh, yet he could never make himself happy and he also had Parkinson’ alongside depression. I couldn’t stand seeing him being like Robin Williams, I wouldn’t want anyone feeling as low and as sad as he did. I get really angry too, as I see people making fun of him as they don’t understand what he has, and at one point I nearly started a fight over it, which obviously doesn’t help him in anyway shape or form! I want to help my teacher so much, but I have no idea how. Please help.


#2

Hi Nemo23,
I’m sure your teacher values your kind concern. As you say a lot of people do not realise all the various symptoms and may think it is funny. Parkinson’s is certainly not a nice thing to have but it isn’t necessarily painful, so if your friend says he is not in pain I should believe him.
As you say there is no cure but it usually progresses fairly slowly and there is medication to take.
I have had symptoms 4 years at least but only diagnosed 2 years ago.
Unfortunately the media only seems to publicise the most extreme and tragic cases but in reality there are a lot of us living fairly normal lives with it. And we all seem to have differing symptoms. Believe me not everyone gets depression.
Driving is fine for most of us, I still drive an I know other people with Parkinsons that drive.
You’ve done a great job raising £1000 for parkinsons uk
I hope this has helped reassure you. The best thing you can do for your friend is to just treat him as normal because he is still the same person. Sadly friends sometimes drift away or start to treat people with parkinsons differently so you treating him just as a normal person would help him. Daffy


#3

Hi there,

Thank you very much for your advice. It’s reassured me a lot, I’m sorry to hear you that you have Parkinson’s, but all the best for the future. Thank you.


#4

Hello I would agree with all Daffy has said and you are already doing the best thing you can for him by being a friend and caring. Worrying about him so much is the last thing he would want you to do; I won’t say don’t worry because I know my family and friends worry about me too but they know I will ask for help if I need it, I can talk to them if I need to, they know because I have said so that they can ask anything they want and if I am not comfortable to talk about it I will say so, in other words they take their lead from me. Yes I have Parkinson’s, it doesn’t have me, I live with it but I still have a life worth living. The course of his condition, like mine and everyone else’s is not known, so most of us learn to go with the flow. Sounds like you are a kind and caring person and a good friend, that is all you need to be. The money you kindly raised may not directly help him but I promise you your friendship does.


#5

Thank you! You’re advice has definitely helped. :blush:


#6

Hi.
I think need you need to learn to relax and chill, you are carrying too much anxiety about the illness and this could rub off on your friend. Its not a nice illness- I have it as well. Nothing is going to change regarding the illness only in time it will progress and thats upto the medical profession to ensure your friend leads a normal life as possible. Try and relax around him take him out, if people make fun laugh it off. Explain he had Parky you maybe surprised of their reaction as no one undrstands it. You cant die from pd but you die with it. I think your find RW didnt commit suicide because he had PD. Your friend can lead a normal life as possible, laugh take the mickey out of it. If he isnt functioning normally then spk to his gp or consultant or nurse. Try and relax around him. Trust what he says. If he knows your uptight he probably want open up as he doesn’t want to upset you. Just take each day as it comez and deal with what comess


#7

Hi

Your friend is lucky to have someone who cares so much about his welfare, but I agree with the others who have replied. He just needs to know that you are there fore him. He hasn’ changed - he is still the same person that he was before the diagnosisi. Usually PD moves quite slowly, so don’t try to look too far ahead. Just enjoy the friendship you have with him. I am sure he already knows that you are there for him, so relax and enjoy.

Ypours

Audrey (Knine)