I was diagnosed in Nov 09.I was prescribed Azilect(rasagiline) and Pramipexole(mirapexin),a Dopamine Agonist.The Pramipexole increased steadily until i was at the maximum recommended dose.I was on this for over 3 years,before coming off.I suppose i am still in denial about my behaviour whilst on the DA's.I think the problem with me was.The new lease of life and renewed interest in everything was the ideal remedy for the depression i didn't admit i had.In fact,the Neuro wanted to put me on Anti-depressants on diagnosis and i refused.
As well as refusing the anti-depressants when first seeing the Neuro,i was also non committal in certain areas when evaluating what drug i would benefit the most being on.In other words,i said i only gambled now and again,when in fact it was on a daily basis for over 25 years.I was an e-bay addict,had countless obsessive interests and a very high sex drive.I also could drink a lot(alcohol)and quite often.So i was basically probably the wrong candidate from the start.
The trouble is,i was only 45 on diagnosis and the Neuro explained to me that if possible,Levadopa based treatment was preferably delayed because of other side effects which can be a bigger nuisance than pd itself.So i quite naturally gravitated towards the Neuros DA suggestion and kept my mouth shut.
As time went on and the dosage increased my sleep pattern totally flipped,in fact i hardly slept,apart from nodding off at the wrong times,for instance,doing 100 mph in the fast lane with my family in the car.I suppose i wouldn't be told,was invincible.I was only working part time.So spent most of my days gambling and most of my nights and evenings on the computer where i discovered a whole network of people going through and on similar.
I thought i wasn't doing harm,consenting adults and all that.But i suppose i was Two different people at times,the stable Husband,Father,Grandad even.Then this other person who had fun,took massive risks,just diden't care.I always said to myself that as long as i drew a boundary line that should not be crossed.Then everything would be fine.I was a staunch pro DA's advocate.Having many a discussion(okay,sometimes argument)on the benefits of DA's and condemning the what i called"hate campaign"against them.The problem was the boundary became completely obscure at times.People tried to help me,but i thought they were just trying to spoil my fun.The depression i was still masking,came creeping in causing me to hit out at those trying to help me,plus turned inward on myself.
Some mornings,i found myself drinking from the night before.I'd take valium,pain killers,anything mixed with my meds and drink.I could not sleep,i must have lost a stone in weight,and i wasn't even overweight.I would not remember posting stuff,i had lots of sexual chat and more on line.Nothing had boudaries any more.I was self harming and my poetry which turned more and more bizaar was full of self harm,self hate and upsetting for many people to read.My family became increasingly concerned and my Wife finally left me because my on line acquaintences,amount of time gambling and everything else that comes along with somebody hooked on drugs.I also didn't realise that i was sufferring from borderline personality disorder,had been all my life.So traits in my behaviour i already had became exaggerated,yet i just didn't see it.So it has taken some time for me to actual admit that the DA's actually had more of a detrimental effect on me than good.
The withdrawals i had coming off were crazy.The sweats,especially at night.I thought i was going to die.On evaluating the whole DA experience now.I would say that things were fine up to a point.However,once that point was reached,things i thought i had control of slipped out of control.It is hard for me to be totally negative about DA's,because they did delay the Sinemet for a few years.Plus i was fortunate,i held on to my marriage(just),had minimal financial setback and subsequent events then set me on the road to therapy(still undergoing)for things i should have been facing years ago.However,there are people who are still paying the financial and personal price out there.Something i thought could never affect me,which did,but would have been a lot worse if i hadn't visited here and another site and finally admitted my problems and state of mind.
I have tried not to go into too much detail,but is hard not to