Going backwards


#1

Oh what to do .... The job I have done for 16/17 years has some how got too hard ..... I cannot organise the most basic meetings , everything seems so much harder and I forget almost everything. .... The result I am constantly apologising and feeling like a fool .... Don't get me wrong my employer is so supportive but I feel such an idiot - is it time to hang up my note pad ????? Give it up and stop my pride being dented over and over again????? Or keep going and suffer the humiliation of doing a rubbish job each day.


#2

Hi Moonandstars

It's a hard question. I'm still working almost full time in the same company that I was in over 9 years ago when diagnosed. I'm still fairly capable but I know I'm not as sharp as I used to be. I sometimes struggle to absorb information as fast as I used to and sometimes I can feel that I'm thinking more slowly. This can particularly affect planning tasks. My sharpness varies through the day as my meds rise & fall. I have been able to adapt my job so that I'm doing a slightly different role than I used to and I am able to fit the work into my most effective times. My employer has been pretty supportive most of the time but there have been exceptions. I have had a few stressful times for various reasons and I find that stress makes it much harder to cope. 

Nobody likes doing a bad job and most of us are our own harshest critics. There is an obvious vicious circle where the feeling that you are underperforming brings stress which in turn damages your performance. I hope you can escape from the downward spiral.

I've felt the way you describe at least twice in the last 4 years. So far I have been able to turn it round and currently I'm enjoying work again and doing well. I know that at some stage I'll decide to stop doing this kind of job and I expect that will happen sooner than it would have done but for Parkinson's. 

I hope that helps

EF

 

 


#3

Thanks EF for your reply - I feel I have to keep going as am too worried that my pension will be too small to support me and I won't get early retirement on medical grounds.  But on the other hand I would like to go whilst I am at least a bit mobile and my colleagues can still remember what a good job I USED to do.


#4

Hi both

Agreed this is a very tough decision for all the reasons you state. Remember that there are anti-discrimination laws, so  our employers *must* be supportive, at least to the point of making "reasonable adjustments" to our work. Are you in largish firms (I'm not; a one-person charity with no money) are you in trade unions? How much if at all do you discuss what you can and can't - and could - do? M&S: the money thing is vital - have you talked to a CAB about your position now and in the future?

But I agree with your underlying thoughts: when to go to balance a) your need to work - for validation, for cash, b) your need to go when you want to go - jumped not pushed, c) your need to have a quality of life post-work (I shall be so fed up if my PD kicks in hard just after I leave work.

I'm still working on the equation . . .

semele


#5

Thanks Semele - it seems so simple when written down - but in reality very difficult ...... My colleagues are carrying me so much and I feel so humiliated when they have to help me or I have forgotten once again  - I suspect I will just keep going until I get that question 'emmm, could we have a word ......'