Going backwards


#1

Oh what to do .... The job I have done for 16/17 years has some how got too hard ..... I cannot organise the most basic meetings , everything seems so much harder and I forget almost everything. .... The result I am constantly apologising and feeling like a fool .... Don't get me wrong my employer is so supportive but I feel such an idiot - is it time to hang up my note pad ????? Give it up and stop my pride being dented over and over again????? Or keep going and suffer the humiliation of doing a rubbish job each day.


#2

Hi Moonandstars

It's a hard question. I'm still working almost full time in the same company that I was in over 9 years ago when diagnosed. I'm still fairly capable but I know I'm not as sharp as I used to be. I sometimes struggle to absorb information as fast as I used to and sometimes I can feel that I'm thinking more slowly. This can particularly affect planning tasks. My sharpness varies through the day as my meds rise & fall. I have been able to adapt my job so that I'm doing a slightly different role than I used to and I am able to fit the work into my most effective times. My employer has been pretty supportive most of the time but there have been exceptions. I have had a few stressful times for various reasons and I find that stress makes it much harder to cope. 

Nobody likes doing a bad job and most of us are our own harshest critics. There is an obvious vicious circle where the feeling that you are underperforming brings stress which in turn damages your performance. I hope you can escape from the downward spiral.

I've felt the way you describe at least twice in the last 4 years. So far I have been able to turn it round and currently I'm enjoying work again and doing well. I know that at some stage I'll decide to stop doing this kind of job and I expect that will happen sooner than it would have done but for Parkinson's. 

I hope that helps

EF

 

 


#3

Thanks EF for your reply - I feel I have to keep going as am too worried that my pension will be too small to support me and I won't get early retirement on medical grounds.  But on the other hand I would like to go whilst I am at least a bit mobile and my colleagues can still remember what a good job I USED to do.


#4

Hi both

Agreed this is a very tough decision for all the reasons you state. Remember that there are anti-discrimination laws, so  our employers *must* be supportive, at least to the point of making "reasonable adjustments" to our work. Are you in largish firms (I'm not; a one-person charity with no money) are you in trade unions? How much if at all do you discuss what you can and can't - and could - do? M&S: the money thing is vital - have you talked to a CAB about your position now and in the future?

But I agree with your underlying thoughts: when to go to balance a) your need to work - for validation, for cash, b) your need to go when you want to go - jumped not pushed, c) your need to have a quality of life post-work (I shall be so fed up if my PD kicks in hard just after I leave work.

I'm still working on the equation . . .

semele


#5

Thanks Semele - it seems so simple when written down - but in reality very difficult ...... My colleagues are carrying me so much and I feel so humiliated when they have to help me or I have forgotten once again  - I suspect I will just keep going until I get that question 'emmm, could we have a word ......'

 


#6

Came across this post and it pretty much reflects my own position.
My job as a national sales manager involves a lot of traveling, flights, meetings, presentations etc.
In my heart of hearts, I know I am not as effective as I used to be due to lack of energy which impacts on focus and drive, but I am in denial and trying harder than ever to “prove myself” rather than own up and ease up. Apart from anything else it’s exhausting.
To make matters worse, I work for a boss without empathy, who in fact shows many sociopathic tendencies. After I had informed him of my condition, we had a conference call which was a classic lesson in how not to do it. It felt like I had contracted the condition just to inconvenience him. His actions since, suggest that he would like to force me out, but I am refusing to budge. In fact I have consulted an employment lawyer and am trying to build towards a constructive.
I would love to get out of the situation but simply can’t afford to walk away.


#7

My boss has tried to put more work on me and says if I can’t cope I should leave as he can’t pay me and pay someone else to do my job!
He is trying to force me to break my contract, which I won’t do.
After fifteen years in the same job, which incidentally I love, and having kept the place going single handedly on more than one occasion. He wants me gone.
His parting shot last week was
" I know I can’t sack you while you’re off sick, but I will anyway and you can take me to court."
Something I can’t really afford.
Stressing over this is making me much worse.


#8

Sounds like our bosses are from a similar mould, it’s a difficult situation but I won’t give up unless he coughs up