i don,t know if anybody can offer me an opinion, i am slowly going round the bend!
I am in mid 50,s, female, diagnosed 5 years ago.
My partner cares for me, he works three to four evenings a week as an entertainer. I no longer work.He does the cooking and takes me to do the shopping, so he does the driving. I do the housework, washing, ironing etc although it is becoming increasingly difficult.
I am worried because he keeps telling me how tired he is and that makes me feel guilty so i try to do more work and do some cooking, which i don,t find easy. Last week he fell asleep after drinking too much and as he had left his laptop on i switched it off. His mobile was next to it and as i bent over a text came up. I looked at his phone and saw that he had been sexting a woman. I woke him up and told him what i had found and he went ballistic. he was very very angry. He stormed out taking the household money with him and only returned the next morning. i was left alone, stressed, and needing medication. He only came back for more money before saying he was going to the station and going to find another job abroad. i pleaded with him to stay, he left me alone all day and came back in the early hours of the next morning.I dont know where he went .
last night i asked him again about the texts and he denied them saying he had set me up to see if i was snooping. he shouted at me for ages calling me all sorts of names and verbally abusing me. I started shaking and was shaking all night and could not sleep. I am still very distressed.
I dont know what to believe. i know what i saw, but if he did do it to set me up then that surely is just as bad if not worse?
The problem is that I need to rely on him, and if he is going to leave suddenly like that I am worried about what will happen to me. I asked him questions but he said all i was thinking abut was myself.
I thought he was very happy, he kept telling me he was but this last couple of weeks he has been texting a lot and i wonder what the real truth is.He said he was texting a male friend. I honestly thought we were happy.
My PD is quite bad, I still do not have any answers, my confidence is now zero and i just do not know what to believe any more. Do you think the PD is making me paranoid or should i stick with my instincts, if he is not cheating (and i consider sexting cheating) then why did he make it up? I cant imagine it was made up if i were being honest, because there were sent messages as well as received messages, and surely he would not go to that amount of trouble? why is he not trying to pacify me, reassure me, is his anger a sign of guilt?
before PD i was a bank manager,, now i doubt my own sanity.
please, could i have some opinions, i dont know what to believe any more.