Hello I'm new!


#1

Well I have never done anything like this before...

Well recently my grandad (mums side) has moved down to live with us as he has Parkinson's. It has got to the stage where he has his food cut up, he can't get out of bed or a chair  or into a bath without the help of someone. I've never really thought about it too much, as I wasn't and am not really close to my grandad as he has never been around or lived close. anyway the main reason for my joining of the forum is I found out last night that my dad (44 years) was diagnosed with Parkinson's 4 weeks ago. He told me he's been really depressed and my mother who suffers with depressing has totally ignored it and not spoke about it to him. He said he needed to tell me because he wants someone to talk to. I am not allowed to tell anyone in the family as he doesn't want them to know and he doesn't want his own business to suffer if people find out he has Parkinson's. He also told me that my grandad (dad's side) has had Parkinson's for 2 years.

i really am in total shock, I don't know what this means. Will he have to stop working soon? Will he need help doing tasks? I'm really scared to talk to him about it or ask questions, maybe because I don't really want to know or don't want to be upset. I don't know whether I'm happy to know or wish he'd not told me. Either way my dad's always been the strong person in my life due to my mums depression and I feel like now I have to be the strong one? 

I just want some advice really. 

 

Thanks and and that's my story!


#2

Hello, 12009243, and welcome to the forum!

You came to the right place to talk about PD and get information from people who have the disease and from family members like you, who have to deal with PD secondhand.

I think your dad has honoured you by confiding the truth, which he has barely had time to accept himself.  Do not leap to the worst conclusions; try to take things as slowly and calmly as you can.  Every case of PD is different, as you will read many times on this forum.  My case, for example, is very slow-moving.  I have had Parkinson's for 16 or 17 years now, and people I meet never guess I have it!  Most cases do not develop quickly, and most patients respond to medications that counteract symptoms and/or delay the progress of the disease.  Many patients who participate in this forum have had PD for years and are still working.  As I said, each individual has a unique case; as your dad consults his doctors, he will decide how to handle his particular situation.  In the meantime, do not despair, and be as good a listener as you can for your dad.

My best wishes,

J


#3

 You've made a very brave step already by joining the forum and I'd like to say 'Hi' and 'Welcome'big grin

I'm very new to Parkinson's having been diagnosed in February in my early fifties. From limited experience, what I can tell you, is shortly after diagnosis can be a really difficult time for all. Your Dad has been very brave keeping it to himself and I know he has mixed emotions. I am still finding it hard to acknowledge and share the news with others. Like you say, you know your Dad to always be in control and yet now he is turning to you for support. I'm pleased you have each other to share the burden. It's a challenging new chapter. Love, cry and laugh together whenever either of you need to. The future's not ours to know but there's lots of fun we can have on the journey. Keep in touch.


#4

Would you like an honest opinion from a man?

We hate to admit to weakness.

As J mentioned above some can carry on working, some can't.

My Father had PD and got to 64 working. He was as hard as nails and worked 50 years without a day off sick.....including WW11 in Burma.

He would not admit to me he had PD. i got all my information off my Mum.

I was diagnosed at 62 but probably had it since I was 55. I suspected I had it, but when it was finally diagnosed and in black and white, it was like the bottom falling out of my world.

My wife did not flinch. She has been solid as a rock. I have a PD nurse who is wonderful. I now have a Doc who is down to earth and talks common sense, not flowery nonsense.I have a consultant who is a very clever man and not at all arrogant. I have made friends on here who have helped guide me.

The hardest part is acceptance. Once you get over that and realise you are not alone it does get easier to accept the condition.

It is not a weakness to accept help in our circumstances. I see now it makes good common sense.We're a bit slow to accept this, so we need someone strong to help, If your strong for your Dad I'm sure he will appreciate it. No man is an island.

Morph