Help advice needed for vulnerable father in law


#1
Hi

First post and I need some help for my father in law who has moderate to severe PD.

Situation is he lives with a partner who now he's visiting us for a week has been sending my wife text messages which basically say she's going to sell the house and is asking if we want him near us or my wife's brother (we live a hundred miles apart but the father lives much closer to her brother if that makes sense). In other words she wants him in a home and is not on the face of it bothered where he goes. I'd expect a partner of 25 years to be wanting to be near someone if they were considering a care home but that's just me I guess and what I think is normal.

She's an odd person in some respects (the partner that is) and frequently says how she might have x or y disease or disorder and its all very sad what its come to with the father in law etc. All seems somewhat contrived to justify her actions to me but I know little of her relationship.

The father in law has a degree of dementia although he can still make decisions himself in terms of day to day activities and wants.

So anyone got any advice on where to go from here? I am assuming he needs a social worker appointing to ensure his needs are assessed and perhaps they can find a way to make it possible for them to keep living together for some time longer (although on face value the message is that she wants him in a home).

My wife feels like this visit has been a ruse to create an experience which justifies her taking the actions she wants to and to a degree I can see this for example we have been left to discover the finer details of his urge incontinence, bed wetting, difficulty in cleaning himself after a poo etc which was a bit off I think.

#2
Hi tinfoilhat,
Welcome to the forum.

We have someone on our helpline who can talk to you both about the process of getting an assessment by a social worker and getting a referral to an occupational therapist(OT). An OT can help with equipment and adaptations to make things easier at home.

Our helpline number is 0808 800 0303.

Maybe after you speak with them, you'll feel in a better position to deal with some of the family issues involved.

I hope that helps,
Ezinda

#3
if she is married to him and they own their own home she will keep him as to put him in a home she will have to sell the house to pay for his keep in a home. SO unless she wants to lose her home she will keep him

#4
sorry to be so bulnet but that is the way some people act, I really hope that is not the case for you