Hi,
My partner was diagnosed with Parkinson’s in 2021. He’s now 58 and has been in denial about his condition for a long time.
Over the past year, his health has seriously declined. He’s been suffering from a severe hernia—so badly that he’s been losing his medication—and is currently waiting for surgery. He also had a previous hernia operation that didn’t go well, and it’s taken a toll on him.
We’ve been together for seven years and have been happy, but this past year has been incredibly difficult. He used to be fit and active, but now he only takes the bare minimum—just his Parkinson’s medication—and does little else to manage his condition. I’ve tried to encourage him to return to the gym or do something active to help both his physical and mental health, but he hasn’t responded.
He was diagnosed privately, and it took the NHS four months to follow up. Eventually, he got a Parkinson’s nurse, but unfortunately, he hasn’t been able to build any connection with her, so that support has been minimal.
It feels like he’s been in a fog for the past year. I’ve shared my concerns many times, but they’ve mostly been ignored. As a result, my own mental health has taken a hit. I reached a breaking point and made the very difficult decision to leave our home a few weeks ago, just to protect my own well-being. It was heartbreaking because I still love him deeply.
Since I left, only now is he showing how devastated he is. He came over recently, and I think the reality finally hit him when he saw that I had cleared out my things and left the key behind.
He keeps saying that he can’t take anything in—that it all feels like a blur—and compares it to being like a cup with no bottom. He believes the last 12 months have been so difficult because of the hernia and his inability to absorb his medication properly. He insists this isn’t really him, and that he’s not normally like this.
It seems the urgency of his hernia has finally pushed things forward and they’re rushing the surgery, but emotionally I feel completely lost. When I left, he showed very little emotion and didn’t make any effort to bring me back—until now. And while I understand he’s going through so much, I’m struggling with the fact that everything is being blamed on Parkinson’s and the hernia.
I’ve had to start thinking seriously about my own mental health. This past year has taken a huge toll on me, and I need to protect myself, even though I still care deeply for him. I just don’t know what to do anymore.