So what can we do about it? Re-think how we handle conflict. It might be difficult to implement at first, but if we work together, we’ll enjoy the forum so much more by minimizing destructive conflict.
Honour the diversity of others' opinions. Most people have a different opinion than yours. What tends to happen is we seek out only those who have the same opinion as we do. Then we create "group think." That means that the same thing happens again and again. If we can look at situations with a different eye, we not only grow and stretch but we become more understanding and supportive of each other.
Avoid put-downs, blaming others and labelling. There’s no such thing as a perfect person. We all make mistakes. But what happens when we do make mistakes is we learn from them and move on. If we are put down for our mistakes and made to look stupid in the eyes of others, we get very angry. That creates a good breeding ground for conflict.
Have you ever thought that when we put someone else down we are trying to make ourselves look better? Most people with low self-esteem do this frequently. In the long run we are the ones who won't look good. So put-downs, blaming and labelling only make things worse.
Listen until the other person is finished. Listening is a skill that we all need to develop. In a conflict situation, we only want to be heard. We don't care how the other person thinks. It is the "me" who we think is the most important. Conflicts can be resolved faster if both parties listen to the other person.
When communicating in a conflict situation, use "I" statements like "I think....I feel.....I need." When we use "you" statements, we put the other party on the defence. Each person in a conflict situation needs to own their feelings and opinions and let other people speak for themselves. When we get upset, we have a tendency to say something like, "You make me so mad!" or "You don't know what you are doing." If a conflict situation gets out of hand, usually someone is on the defence. Become aware of the messages that are being given.
When listening, try to hear all the messages from your heart. Listening from the heart creates compassion and will soften any conflict. Saying something like "Bless your heart" will make a conflict situation lessen.
Give yourself permission to state your needs. No one is a mind reader.
If your normal style is a talker, during conflict you’ll naturally talk faster and put a lot of more emotion in the words being spoken. Why not invite that other person to speak? Listen to what their thoughts and needs are. If your normal style is to be more quiet, take a risk and let the other party know what your ideas are. This will build trust that will help each of you come to a resolution faster.
Conflict is here to stay. It will never go away. Carl Jung once wrote, "All the greatest and most important problems of life are fundamentally unsolvable. They can never be solved, but only outgrown." If we can get a handle on how to reduce conflict situations, we’ll look forward to going to using the forum, have less stress and build a good supportive forum community.
Are you a wimp or a man, dan?
Hands up (oooh I haven't said that for a long time!) who enjoys reading all the arguments?
Lin (Retired teacher)
I wont put my hands up. I probably got Pakinsons and was looking for some help with.it im learning the ways of this but it seems everyones having a go.
Don't worry bobd. If you want to know the answers to your questions there will be somebody here who will answer them. Seriously. I have had so much help from people, not only in terms of coping with P.D. but also in boosting my spirits when things were going wrong.
Thanks Lin, Im sure it must be a bad day for someone. I hope to see more of the good guys, thinking that my news will be parkinsons.
The forum is an excellent source of information and comforting words.
This posting is, I hope, the last bit of the disagreement. If it isn't then I do believe the people that the PDS aim to help will be the losers. We will also be losers but in a more public egg in face kind of way. word wars are definitely bad news for any forum but this forum in particular is suffering. Which is a great shame.
please guys lets just accept the ruling on life bans, we did after all sign to say we agree with them, and lets move on.